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Why Young Brides Get a Bad Rep

Annas2013Annas2013 member
First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
in May 2013 Weddings
There's a girl I knew through my ex a few years ago.  When I got engaged after a short dating period I can understand why people may have raised their eyebrows.  We had a long engagement for a reason.  This girl?  Not so much.  I know I shouldn't judge but sometimes its hard to not at least question some things.  

They got engaged after 3 weeks of dating and you know what I saw today?  Surprise!  They're married.  After a month of being engaged.  Oh wait.  It gets better.  They got married today but are having the real wedding stuff in August so friends and family can be there.  Why not just wait until then?

He's in the marines so I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but I kind of side eye this.  That's fast.  She's young.  He is too.  There's nothing wrong with being young, trust me, but I believe taking your time is important.  

It only really bothers me because couples like this are why people side eye engagements of younger brides.  And it bothers me too that sometimes people don't realize you do make a choice when you decide to elope or to have a wedding.  You give something up no matter what.  When you elope you give up the big wedding and PPD.  When you have a wedding you tend to have to wait longer to get married and sometimes that sucks but to me it's worth it.  Just be an adult and make your decision and stick with it.

Sorry I rambled.  I guess being on TK kind of made me really weird about the whole PPD thing after a courthouse wedding.
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Re: Why Young Brides Get a Bad Rep

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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
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    a former coworker of mine did a courthouse wedding, then had a PPD 9 months later. it was really weird because they kept it a secret from almost ALL their family and friendseven though she changed her last name and everything. i know part of it was that her H is in the navy and i imagine there were perks involved in getting married. but why keep it a secret and deliberately lie to everyone except your coworkers lol!
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    Annas2013Annas2013 member
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    I mean at least this person is honest in saying they're already married.  Maybe the whole wedding in August is to make it valid in the eyes of the church since she's catholic?  I have no idea how that works.

    I realize that was kind of a rant but I last night was the culmination of a really long not great day and this one thing kind of somehow just added to the frustration.  And I guess I was a little jealous she got to be married already and I was waiting, even though it's worth the wait.
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    melb2013melb2013 member
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    Every single person I know who got engaged after us is already married, so I hear ya there.  We're waiting just under two years from the time we got engaged to the time we get married and we did that so that we could save for the wedding.

    This girl sounds crazy.  I give it less than 5 years- yes very judgemental, but if it works out, it'll only be by luck.

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    chipmunk112511chipmunk112511 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_why-young-brides-get-a-bad-rep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:7f266f11-9b71-4792-9b6b-144ceff7c29fPost:74ee6698-5228-429a-acd7-f8e8d1155cb6">Re: Why Young Brides Get a Bad Rep</a>:
    [QUOTE]Every single person I know who got engaged after us is already married, so I hear ya there.  We're waiting just under two years from the time we got engaged to the time we get married and we did that so that we could save for the wedding. This girl sounds crazy.  I give it less than 5 years- yes very judgemental, but if it works out, it'll only be by luck.
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
    I have to agree with the last part of this, if it lasts I would be surprised!

    My best friends, friend from back home dated a guy for 7 mo, got engaged and then got married, 2 years later they are going through a divorce. They didnt know each other well enough, they didnt live together, know each other, change together, nothing and I am sorry but I fully believe in living in sin b/c you do NOT know someone until you live with them.  I have seen countless relationships fail b/c they moved in together and realized they just couldn't do it.

    FI and I will have been together 5 years when we get married and lived together for over 3.5. We have changed together, grown together and learned to deal with the others quirks and attributes.  Not saying anything against you ladies who are not together but its just my opinion after what I have seen.
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    unclaimedpantsunclaimedpants member
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    not very unusual in the military community. there are many perks to being legally married, including increased take home pay (a housing allowance), cheap to free medical care, and survivor benefits which are particularly important if the military member is deploying.

    less than two months is super fast, young or old. i'll try to keep my side-eyes to myself and wish them luck!
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    worrelsjworrelsj
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    This is happening with DF's 21 year old cousin. He's deploying (to another part of the country) and they want to be there together. All of us are just zipping our lips but we're hoping for his sake it works out.
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    faithxmariefaithxmarie
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    I can attest to this!  My fiance is in the military - we got engaged when we found out he was deploying with plans to marry right away (we were 20).  In the end, we put off the marriage until he got home from the deployment for many reasons.  

    I don't believe in two weddings.  You get one wedding.  If you choose to do a courthouse wedding, that's your wedding.  Your day.  You don't get two because the first one isn't what you want.  You either make the sacrifice and wait until you can get what you really want, or you accept the alternative.  

    We waited - our engagement has been three incredibly long years including a recently ended deployment - we are FINALLY getting married on May 3rd (which is also our 10th anniversary)!  It is going to be an increidble wedding - everything I have ever dreamed of - because we sacrified and waited and saved.  Now we're throwing ourselves a giant party to celebrate our marriage!  I also think people take the marriage more seriously now that we're 23 and not 20.  I don't think we've changed all that much in those three years, but I can see the other perspective.

    We currently live together and the experience is one I definitely recommend as well - it's a HUGE change.  Even though we'd been together 9 years when we moved in together, it was still a HUGE change.

    I know not everyone will see my point of view, but I've lived it - done the deployment and all - and I can tell you getting your dream day is so worth every aching minute of waiting!

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