Invitation Wording

sarahufl · February 2014

I am working on my invites (wahoo!). I have always been a fan of very traditional wording for wedding invitations, but something looks off on mine. So I am here for advice!

Mr. and Mrs. Sarahufl's Parents request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter

First Name Middle Name

to

FI first, middle, last

Son of Mr. and Mrs. Fi's Parents

time, location, etc.

My question is - where do last names go? Is it odd to have Fi First, Middle, Last and his parent's first and last? Or should it just be his first, middle, then last when his parents are listed? I have seen it a bunch of different ways but I wanted to know what y'all thought!

crackktheskyy · February 2014

Are Mr. and Mrs. FI's parents co-hosting the wedding?

If they are, I believe it goes:

Mr. and Mrs. Sarahufl's Parents
And Mr. and Mrs. FI's Parents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
First Name Middle Name
to
First Name Middle Name
Day of the week, day of the month and month
year
time

religious institution
City/State

SKPM · February 2014

Ditto PP. If his parents are co-hosting with your parents, it would be:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents

request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their children

BrideFirstName Middle Name

and

GroomFirstName Middle Name

Date/Time/Place/Etc.

I don't know if it is etiquette-sanctioned, but I believe you could substitute "daughter and son" for "children" if you prefer. You could also include your and FI's last names if you prefer to clarify that.

If his parents are not co-hosting the event, their names do not go on the invitation anywhere.

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

sarahufl said:

I am working on my invites (wahoo!). I have always been a fan of very traditional wording for wedding invitations, but something looks off on mine. So I am here for advice!

Mr. and Mrs. Sarahufl's Parents request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter
First Name Middle Name
to
FI first, middle, last
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Fi's Parents

time, location, etc.

My question is - where do last names go? Is it odd to have Fi First, Middle, Last and his parent's first and last? Or should it just be his first, middle, then last when his parents are listed? I have seen it a bunch of different ways but I wanted to know what y'all thought!

Truly traditional invitations are issued in the name of the hostess (whoever that is), optionally together with her husband if she has one. Any immediate relatives of the hostess who are named on the invitation are named with no title, and their surname is omitted if it is the same as the hostess's surname. Non-relatives who are named on the invitation are named with both their surname and their title. In every case, each person should be given the surname and title that they themselves choose to go by, even if the hostess thinks that their preference is too modern, or too sexist, or whatever.

So, assuming that your mother is the hostess, and assuming that you and your parents have the same last name, and that your mother and your future mother-in-law are happy to be called by their husband's names (surname and given name both), then the most traditional proper wording would be:

Mr and Mrs John Hufl
request the honour of the presence of
<blank space to hand-write guests'names>
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Middlename
to Mr Tall Handsome Guy
son of Mr and Mrs Old Guy
on ...

Including the "son of ..." line is actually a very modern innovation: the traditional wording did not mention the groom's parents at all. Since the groom's name is therefore traditionally standing alone, he needs to have his surname mentioned, and it stays there even if you decide to tag on his parents' names. If his parents are just as happy either way and you truly, truly want to be traditional, you can leave their names off. If you are American you leave the "U" out of "honour" and put periods after "Mrs" and "Mr".

Traditional invitations are very precise, so if someone else is the hostess, or if someone is known socially by a different name than "Mrs John Hufl", then it is "traditional" to name the actual hostess, and to give people their actual names. So if you yourself are the hostess, and if your mother-in-law prefers her own name and uses the title "Ms" instead of "Mrs", then it is equally traditional for you to write:

Ms Sara Hufl
daughter of Mary Hufl and John Hufl
request the honour of the presence of
<blank space to hand-write guests'names>
at her marriage to
Mr Tall Handsome Guy
son of Mr Old Guy and Ms Jane Guy
on ...

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

If your last name is the same as your parents, you're fine just having your first/middle.

Typically, it's spelt 'honour of' (British spelling), but that's only used when the ceremony is physically in a church or place of worship (synagogue, mosque, etc.).

Hosting =/= paying. Hosting = receiving RSVPs, receiving guests, tending to their comfort, etc.

ETF grammar fail

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

SKPM said:
If his parents are not co-hosting the event, their names do not go on the invitation anywhere.

I wish you and all you TKQueens told my FMIL this during our invitation wording process... My parents are receiving all rsvps (it just autocorrected to tacos), so rsvps and tacos from our guests, and FMIL thought it oh so rude that her and her husband's name wasn't on the invitation, and played up the "well I guess we won't be coming to the wedding since were not invited"... Yea. Me not wanting her name on invitation = rude = me not wanting her at the wedding. Well ACTUALLY....

CMGragain · February 2014

This is traditional wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter

First Name Middle Name

to

Mr. FI first, middle, last

Day, date
time
Church Name
Address
City, State

I am assuming this will be a church wedding? Is the reception being held at the church, or somewhere else? If it is somewhere else, then you need a separate reception card. If it is being held at the church, you may just put "Reception to follow" at the bottom of the card.

CMGragain · February 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

If his parents are not co-hosting the event, their names do not go on the invitation anywhere.

I wish you and all you TKQueens told my FMIL this during our invitation wording process... My parents are receiving all rsvps (it just autocorrected to tacos), so rsvps and tacos from our guests, and FMIL thought it oh so rude that her and her husband's name wasn't on the invitation, and played up the "well I guess we won't be coming to the wedding since were not invited"... Yea. Me not wanting her name on invitation = rude = me not wanting her at the wedding. Well ACTUALLY....

Aw, cut your FMIL a break. It isn't her fault that she was raised to be ignorant of proper etiquette. Poor, deluded thing. (Tongue held firmly in cheek.)

fionahalliwell · February 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

If his parents are not co-hosting the event, their names do not go on the invitation anywhere.

I wish you and all you TKQueens told my FMIL this during our invitation wording process... My parents are receiving all rsvps (it just autocorrected to tacos), so rsvps and tacos from our guests, and FMIL thought it oh so rude that her and her husband's name wasn't on the invitation, and played up the "well I guess we won't be coming to the wedding since were not invited"... Yea. Me not wanting her name on invitation = rude = me not wanting her at the wedding. Well ACTUALLY....

So THAT explains why my great-grandparents didn't attend my grandparents' wedding: they assumed that their names had to be on the invites! /snark

[Not even kidding, they totally didn't attend their own son's wedding.]

sarahufl · February 2014

thanks, as usual, for the good advice. I suppose I should change my initial statement about formal wording!

I actually like his parents names on the invite as well. My parents are paying for about 75% of the wedding and FI and I are paying for the remainder. His parents will pay for the RD but that is about it.

I have always liked both sets of parent's names on the invite, mainly because I have seen it cause WW3 with some of my friends.

This brings me onto my next question. FI and I do not live together. We live in NY, my parents live in FL, who gets the RSVPs?

Inkdancer · February 2014

sarahufl said:

thanks, as usual, for the good advice. I suppose I should change my initial statement about formal wording!

I actually like his parents names on the invite as well. My parents are paying for about 75% of the wedding and FI and I are paying for the remainder. His parents will pay for the RD but that is about it.

I have always liked both sets of parent's names on the invite, mainly because I have seen it cause WW3 with some of my friends.

This brings me onto my next question. FI and I do not live together. We live in NY, my parents live in FL, who gets the RSVPs?

The person who is responsible for contacting vendors should get the RSVPs. That way there is no back and forth when trying to provide final head count.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

If your last name is the same as your parents, you're fine just having your first/middle.

Typically, it's spelt 'honour of' (British spelling), but that's only used when the ceremony is physically in a church or place of worship (synagogue, mosque, etc.).

Hosting =/= paying. Hosting = receiving RSVPs, receiving guests, tending to their comfort, etc.
ETF grammar fail

If you are having a church ceremony can you just use "honor" and not the British form?

manateehugger · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

If your last name is the same as your parents, you're fine just having your first/middle.

Typically, it's spelt 'honour of' (British spelling), but that's only used when the ceremony is physically in a church or place of worship (synagogue, mosque, etc.).

Hosting =/= paying. Hosting = receiving RSVPs, receiving guests, tending to their comfort, etc.
ETF grammar fail

If you are having a church ceremony can you just use "honor" and not the British form?

Cranes says either is correct.

jalyndani · February 2014

CMGragain said:

This is traditional wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
First Name Middle Name
to
Mr. FI first, middle, last
Day, date
time
Church Name
Address
City, State

Question- why does the groom get the title of "Mr." on the invitation, but I'm just plain ol' "Jalyndani" ? Why am I not "Ms. Jalyndani" ? My FMIL used this wording for our recent newspaper announcement in their hometown, and my mom and I definitely raised an eyebrow. We've read hundreds of engagement announcements and attended boo-koos of weddings (all involving very proper, "charm-schooled" , etiquette-wise people), and we have never seen the inclusion of the "Mr." title for the groom only.

And even though my parents are hosting the event, we agreed that we wanted 3 specific elements:

a) My full name (first middle last)

b) FI's full name (first middle last)

3) "son of FI's parents" underneath his name

The wedding stationary book I'm ordering from actually has this versing as an option. I didn't make it up on my own.

sarahufl · February 2014

jalyndani said:

CMGragain said:

This is traditional wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
First Name Middle Name
to
Mr. FI first, middle, last
Day, date
time
Church Name
Address
City, State

Question- why does the groom get the title of "Mr." on the invitation, but I'm just plain ol' "Jalyndani" ? Why am I not "Ms. Jalyndani" ? My FMIL used this wording for our recent newspaper announcement in their hometown, and my mom and I definitely raised an eyebrow. We've read hundreds of engagement announcements and attended boo-koos of weddings (all involving very proper, "charm-schooled" , etiquette-wise people), and we have never seen the inclusion of the "Mr." title for the groom only.

And even though my parents are hosting the event, we agreed that we wanted 3 specific elements:

a) My full name (first middle last)
b) FI's full name (first middle last)
3) "son of FI's parents" underneath his name

The wedding stationary book I'm ordering from actually has this versing as an option. I didn't make it up on my own.

See, I like everyone's names on there, too. Googling gave me a mess of different options, which is why I came here

So what are you putting on yours?

jalyndani · February 2014

Our wording says:

"Jalydani's parents

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Jalyndani (full name, big pretty script)

to

FI (full name, same script)

son of FI's parents

on

Friday the twentieth of June

Two thousand and fourteen

at six-thirty in the evening

Our Venue

Address

City, State"

We're putting a separate reception card in there with the reception location info and the website address. (I worked hard on that sucker, and I want SOMEONE to see it. Lol)

sarahufl · February 2014

jalyndani said:

Our wording says:

"Jalydani's parents
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jalyndani (full name, big pretty script)
to
FI (full name, same script)
son of FI's parents
on
Friday the twentieth of June
Two thousand and fourteen
at six-thirty in the evening
Our Venue
Address
City, State"

We're putting a separate reception card in there with the reception location info and the website address. (I worked hard on that sucker, and I want SOMEONE to see it. Lol)

Yeah, that is the wording we liked too. And everyone got a last name?

Sidenote, do you include zip codes as well?

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

No zip code, but typically it's written half past six? Not six thirty though either is acceptable.

OT: the word is spelt 'beaucoup,' no 's' because it's already plural.

jalyndani · February 2014

@sarahufl Yes, everyone gets a last name. It's the last time I get to have that name; it's been mine for 30 years and by golly I want it there one more time.

And @HisGirlFriday13 is correct, no zip codes. As far as the time goes...that's how the stationary company wrote it, not me. It was the formatting they used for all invitation verses. I guess I could specifically request "half past six" ?

(By the way....I love your Scarlett. GWTW is my favorite all time book and movie. )

CMGragain · February 2014

sarahufl said:

thanks, as usual, for the good advice. I suppose I should change my initial statement about formal wording!

I actually like his parents names on the invite as well. My parents are paying for about 75% of the wedding and FI and I are paying for the remainder. His parents will pay for the RD but that is about it.

I have always liked both sets of parent's names on the invite, mainly because I have seen it cause WW3 with some of my friends.

This brings me onto my next question. FI and I do not live together. We live in NY, my parents live in FL, who gets the RSVPs?

The groom's parents traditionally host the RD. This means that their names should go on the RD invitations, since they are hosting it. This does not entitle them to be on your wedding invitation, since they are not hosting.
If you really want to put your FILs on your invitation, it is not the end of the world, but it is not traditional in any way. My daughter's MIL was horrified at the idea that she should be on the wedding invitation when she was not hosting. She was well aware of tradition.
As for the title issue, if your FILs were hosting your wedding without your parents (it does happen), then you would get the title "Miss" with your full name, and their son would get no title with only his first and middle name.
You decide who gets the RSVPs. I got them for my daughter's wedding, though we live in western CO and she lives in MD. It was easier for me to keep track of them, since she was working full time. We communicated every day through the Knot and through emails. It really doesn't matter.
As for the spelling, "honour" is traditional, but the American "honor" is now acceptable. It is "half after six o'clock" for weddings. The word "past" is not used for wedding invitations. (Emily Post, Cranes)

CMGragain · February 2014

Both parents hosting:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents

request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of

Bride's Full Name
and

Groom's Full Name

Day, date
time o'clock
Church Name
Address
City, State

Your parents hosting (non-traditional)

Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first Middle
to
Groom's Full Name
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents
(etc,)

sarahufl · February 2014

haha, all this time I thought I knew what traditional wedding invites looked like. Guess I was wrong

Thanks for all the input, I truly appreciate it. I actually never thought to ask FIs parents if they want their names on the invite (money being contributed or not). I kind of assumed they would want it but now I should check!

CMGragain · February 2014

@Jalydani

Jalydani's parents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Jalyndani (full name, big pretty script)

to

FI (full name, same script)

son of FI's parents

Friday, the twentieth of June

Two thousand and fourteen

at half after six o'clock

Our Venue

Address

City, State

Unless your wedding ceremony is in a church, or house of worship, you should not use "request the honour of your presence". This phrase is strictly reserved for weddings in a church or synagogue. This is one of those rules that is NOT flexible.
Never take invitation wording advice from someone who is trying to sell you their invitations (unless it's Crane's - they've been around long enough to know their business!)

sarahufl · February 2014

@Jalydani

Jalydani's parents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Jalyndani (full name, big pretty script)
to
FI (full name, same script)
son of FI's parents
Friday, the twentieth of June
Two thousand and fourteen
at half after six o'clock
Our Venue
Address
City, State

Unless your wedding ceremony is in a church, or house of worship, you should not use "request the honour of your presence". This phrase is strictly reserved for weddings in a church or synagogue. This is one of those rules that is NOT flexible.

*STUCK IN THE BOX*

Mine is at a church. But now, out of curiosity, why is that a rule?

CMGragain · February 2014

People dress differently in church than at a club. Many churches require shoulders to be covered. In the olden days (which I remember) women wore hats or head coverings.
In a church, you are honoring the presence of God, and are asking yours guest to share that. At any other venue, you are having a party (pleasure of your company) and are asking your guests to join in the fun.
This is a very traditional rule that is long standing.

MrsAitch · February 2014

If we aren't getting married in a church, but are having a religious ceremony (not just a quickie 15 minute say our vows and it's over) and being married by our pastor from the church we attend together, can we still use honour? I assumed it was ok even though the actual location isn't a church.

Does it really matter if it's "past" vs "after"?

Should it really say "half past/after six o'clock in the evening" or should it just say "half past/after six in the evening"? Because it can't be 6:30 o'clock...

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

MrsAitch said:

If we aren't getting married in a church, but are having a religious ceremony (not just a quickie 15 minute say our vows and it's over) and being married by our pastor from the church we attend together, can we still use honour? I assumed it was ok even though the actual location isn't a church.

Does it really matter if it's "past" vs "after"?

Should it really say "half past/after six o'clock in the evening" or should it just say "half past/after six in the evening"? Because it can't be 6:30 o'clock...

The historic reason for the phrase "honour of your presence" rather than "pleasure of your company" is, that the latter phrase is an accepted form of invitation and invitations can only be issued by a host. The former phrase is simply a notification that, if the 'guest' should happen to show up, you are going to feel honoured that they did. It's "God" -- or the minister acting in the name of God -- who is actually the host of a religious service taking place in 'God's house'; and in most churches any service is open to the public, even a wedding service.. (That's in part the same reason why it is technically improper to have your receiving line in the church as guests are leaving the ceremony.)

If your non-church ceremony is taking place in a publically accessible area that you consider to be equivalent to a church -- to the extent that anyone is welcome to attend the service because god/the minister are hosting it -- then the phrase "honour of your presence" will communicate that understanding.

Don't worry: even though church services are considered open to the public, the "honour of your presence" wording doesn't imply anything about your wedding-breakfast, at which you are the hostess, or your mother is, and at which you can enforce your guestlist.

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