Thank you note dilemma

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

Hi ladies!

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. A friend of mine and her husband are invited to my wedding, and are attending. Friend is my former mentor from law school (she was an instructor), is now a professional friend and we try to meet up at least once per month for lunch. I've never met her husband, but assume he's a nice guy considering how awesome she is.

I addressed the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. So and So, and got the RSVP back as Mr. and Mrs. So and So. In person and emails, I call friend by her first name. I've received a gift from them, though it just lists her first name on the info slip (no last name, no husbands name- I'm pretty sure he has no idea).

My dilemma: how do I address them in the thank you note? Should it be Mr. and Mrs, friends first name, then the husbands, or friends first name and Mr. So and So? It feels stuffy to do Mr. and Mrs., (considering how I always call friend by her first name) but I'm uncomfortable calling Mr. So and So by his first name, considering we've not yet met.

The only compromise I can think of is doing it formal, Mr. and Mrs., and then when I see her/them in person before/at the wedding, call them by first name and thank them again verbally.

What are your thoughts?

speedyblazer11 · February 2014

I'm not sure what is proper etiquette, but to me it sounds like just your friend sent the gift since you said it's just her name on the slip. So if it were me I would send the thank you note to just her. Why thank him for something he doesn't know he sent? Good luck I'm sure whatever you do will be fine.

jessicabessica · February 2014

I would say "Dear Jane and Jim" in the TY note, but still address it on the outside as "Mr. and Mrs. So and So." It makes perfect sense to address the invitation to Mr. and Mrs. and for them to send the RSVP back that way--I don't think you should read into it that you should call them Mr. and Mrs.

emmaaa · February 2014

Thank you notes are meant to be a personal note to those who attended your shower or sent you a gift. Although when addressing the wedding invitation you use their formal names, for a hank you note you can easily use their first names. Since she was the only name on the card, it would also be just as conducive to only address the actually thank you note to her. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

audubonbride2013 · February 2014

scribe95 said:

I don't think you should read too much into the packing slip. If I order online and use my credit card it just has my name even though it's a joint gift. Mr. and Mrs. So and So on the outside of the TY and hten Jane and Joe on the inside.

This. We received several gifts where the packing slip just had one name out of the couple. It was just whoever actually paid for the gift, but the gift was really from the couple.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

scribe95 said:

I don't think you should read too much into the packing slip. If I order online and use my credit card it just has my name even though it's a joint gift. Mr. and Mrs. So and So on the outside of the TY and hten Jane and Joe on the inside.

I agree with this, and this is how I would handle this situation.

phira · February 2014

I'd use first names. Mr and Mrs would be too formal for a thank you note. It's okay that you haven't met and addressed him by his first name yet.

Jen4948 · February 2014

I'd treat the gift as coming from the two of them, and just address the thank-you note in the note as Jane and John and the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. So and So.

Thank you note dilemma

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