Wedding Woes

How do you tell your 20 year old this?

Dear Prudie,
My husband and I married about 25 years ago and had a daughter not long after. A few years later I had an affair with a co-worker. My husband and I split up, I moved in with my parents and continued to see the “other” man. I got pregnant by him and we decided to be together. But I realized it was lust, not love, and told him it was not going to work out. He immediately moved across the country. We had some tense conversations about the baby and things ended on a bad note. I reconciled with my husband and delivered a healthy boy my husband has loved from the beginning. I heard sporadically from the “other” man but he never filed for paternity and only requested a few pictures. My husband raised the baby as his own, and our son is now 20 years old. He and my husband are so close it’s amazing. Now, the “other” man has contacted me, after all this time, and wants to meet our son. It will crush my son and destroy his trust. He will question his identity, he will hate me, and it will just be awful. My husband will be devastated. He always thought we would take this secret to our graves and our son would never know. Do I tell our son and hope he can forgive us? What do we do?

—Desperate

Re: How do you tell your 20 year old this?

  • What would they have done if the kid had a major medical issue? Paternity can affect all sorts of shit, and the kid's only 20 - what if there's a history of schizophrenia with the other guy? Cancers? Genetic shit? 

    How do adults not think things through? 
    image
    ReturnOfKuus
  • baconsmom said:

    What would they have done if the kid had a major medical issue? Paternity can affect all sorts of shit, and the kid's only 20 - what if there's a history of schizophrenia with the other guy? Cancers? Genetic shit? 


    How do adults not think things through? 
    Shit, the first time that kid needs to get a passport, this WILL come to the surface.

    imageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Man, people are just not smart. 
    image
  • I haven't had a passport since the mid-90s, so I clearly don't remember, but how does this come up? 
    image
  • shouldn't this have come up when they needed a birth certificate for the driver's license?
  • There is a reason we've held onto the kiddo's mom's SSN# and other identifying information.  We also haven't LIED to the kiddo and tried to pass myself off as his mom (it also would have been harder since I didn't meet him until he was three...but still). 
  • Maybe she put the husband on the birth certificate. 
    image
  • I am thinking that is the case, Bmom.  
  • or in one of those pesky states *waves* where the husband is the father regardless of who is the father-assuming they remained married.

    That just makes it harder on the kid, IMO
    VarunaTT
  • People don't realize that it's not 1965 anymore, and you can't keep these secrets with all of the technology out here. The truth always comes out in the end, and the child is the one that gets hurt.
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards