Guest Etiquette

mrsbanany · February 2014

I was just talking to my FI's aunt about the venue that we just booked. The reception is in the town where she lives and the church is about 30 min from the reception. When we told her where we had booked her response was "oh great! We don't even have to go to the ceremony, we can go straight to the reception". I mean yes, she would have to drive 30 min to the church and then 30 min back to the reception, but isn't the whole point of a wedding the ceremony itself and not the reception? I don't know, I would never, ever skip a ceremony. I just feel like that is basically telling the bride and groom that you are there for the free food and alcohol. Thoughts?

Inkdancer · February 2014

Wow, that was really rude of her.

I understand having other commitments and not being able to make it to the ceremony for whatever reason (work, other special event, etc.) But the way she phrased it made it sound like she wasn't interested in the ceremony at all. I would definitely be hurt by that comment.

cruffino · February 2014

Yeah, that's not cool. The ceremony is the important part.

crackktheskyy · February 2014

There are appropriate times to be absent a ceremony, though this is not one of them. It's even more strange that she actually vocalized that to you.

photokitty · February 2014

It's rude, but is she older? Can't drive? Have young kids? Trying to think of logical reasons for skipping.

I wouldn't take it personally, bc as rude as it is (and I agree with you) there is nothing you can do about it.

emmyg65 · February 2014

Not cool at all. The ceremony is the whole point.

Simply Fated · February 2014

amandaj424 said:

I was just talking to my FI's aunt about the venue that we just booked. The reception is in the town where she lives and the church is about 30 min from the reception. When we told her where we had booked her response was "oh great! We don't even have to go to the ceremony, we can go straight to the reception". I mean yes, she would have to drive 30 min to the church and then 30 min back to the reception, but isn't the whole point of a wedding the ceremony itself and not the reception? I don't know, I would never, ever skip a ceremony. I just feel like that is basically telling the bride and groom that you are there for the free food and alcohol. Thoughts?

The way she said it, about how she doesn't "have to go to the ceremony" makes it sound like she doesn't want to watch the whole point of the day. As though people were previously holding guns to her head to attend their ceremonies.
Personally, I believe the ceremony is the important part.

As far as etiquette goes... If the reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony, then people should not be attending the reception if they did not attend the ceremony. That is how I interpret it.
I would, of course, make exceptions. Traveling is hard on some people and I, as the hypothetical bride, would prefer to see certain people at the reception than not see them at all that day.

mrsbanany · February 2014

Simply Fated said:

amandaj424 said:

I was just talking to my FI's aunt about the venue that we just booked. The reception is in the town where she lives and the church is about 30 min from the reception. When we told her where we had booked her response was "oh great! We don't even have to go to the ceremony, we can go straight to the reception". I mean yes, she would have to drive 30 min to the church and then 30 min back to the reception, but isn't the whole point of a wedding the ceremony itself and not the reception? I don't know, I would never, ever skip a ceremony. I just feel like that is basically telling the bride and groom that you are there for the free food and alcohol. Thoughts?

The way she said it, about how she doesn't "have to go to the ceremony" makes it sound like she doesn't want to watch the whole point of the day. As though people were previously holding guns to her head to attend their ceremonies.
Personally, I believe the ceremony is the important part.

As far as etiquette goes... If the reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony, then people should not be attending the reception if they did not attend the ceremony. That is how I interpret it.
I would, of course, make exceptions. Traveling is hard on some people and I, as the hypothetical bride, would prefer to see certain people at the reception than not see them at all that day.

That is exactly what I think. This woman is about the same age as my parents (early 50s) with a daughter about 2 years older than I am. In my opinion she has no excuse other than she doesn't want to drive to the church and back. I just feel like why am I going to spend $100/plate on you, your husband and your daughter when you aren't even going to the ceremony...rude.

photokitty · February 2014

There's still time for her to realize how rude that would be and come to both. Or her husband or daughter to point it out. She might have been joking…bad joke mind you, but I wouldn't right her off yet. :-\

Trying to be optimistic here

mrsbanany · February 2014

I am thinking it may have been a joke because I cannot imagine someone actually being serious but my FI has had a few aunts and uncles that have skipped the ceremony before so it just makes me question if she was serious.

photokitty · February 2014

amandaj424 said:

I am thinking it may have been a joke because I cannot imagine someone actually being serious but my FI has had a few aunts and uncles that have skipped the ceremony before so it just makes me question if she was serious.

Let's hope. If you have a good excuse OR the B&G have a rude un-hosted gap I totally understand "skipping." Otherwise I'm with you, if I can only make one or the other I'm picking the ceremony…it's the important part!

antoto · February 2014

amandaj424 said:

I was just talking to my FI's aunt about the venue that we just booked. The reception is in the town where she lives and the church is about 30 min from the reception. When we told her where we had booked her response was "oh great! We don't even have to go to the ceremony, we can go straight to the reception". I mean yes, she would have to drive 30 min to the church and then 30 min back to the reception, but isn't the whole point of a wedding the ceremony itself and not the reception? I don't know, I would never, ever skip a ceremony. I just feel like that is basically telling the bride and groom that you are there for the free food and alcohol. Thoughts?

"Well gosh, of course you don't have to go to the ceremony, heck... you don't even have to go to the reception" *sweet smile*

ei34 · February 2014

I've been to plenty of weddings where some of the guests skipped the ceremony and just attended the reception. Most people (myself included) view the ceremony as the important part and the reception as the icing on the cake, however I know of people who finds ceremonies boring and like the fun of the reception. FI's aunt vocalizing this was kind of rude though...she could've said she was unable to get out of work, or something. I'd try to let it go though.

Jen4948 · February 2014

Not cool, no. But hopefully it was just a joke, however tasteless. And hopefully she will attend the ceremony. But unfortunately some people, and this aunt may be one, don't understand that or appreciate it and just see the ceremony as "boring" while the reception is the "fun" part of a wedding.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I am sorry your aunt said something so rude. As another pp pointed out there is still time for others to correct her mentaily and she may show up for both after all. If she was joking then shame...that is in no way funny!

Amyzen83 · February 2014

Wow! That is such a rude and thoughtless statement! Is she socially awkward? Or perhaps she wasn't thinking when she said that. I'm the type of person that subtly calls someone out on that as in "gee thanks" but then let it roll off my back

phira · February 2014

DEFINITELY rude. I get not being able to make the ceremony because of other reasons, but just, "Oh cool, I might as well skip it because the reception is right next door to me," is super rude. As others have mentioned, the entire point of the reception is to thank your guests for witnessing your marriage.

That said, there's not much you can DO about it. I might let the fact that you (and your fiance--this is about him too!) are upset about the comment float back to her by word of mouth.

sofakingmad · February 2014

Is it rude? Yes.

Does it happen all of the time? Yes.

I'm just surprised she said something to you.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

If she says it again I would laugh and then say "Wow... can you imagen if someone actually did that?. That would be so sad..." as though you thought it were sure it was a joke.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

okay...no offense but you seem to have A LOT of problems/drama surrounding your engagement/ wedding planning. I strongly suggest not worrying so much about everyone else. Calm down, shake these things off (while yes, I understand they are super annoying), and enjoy this special time with your FI.

mrsbanany · February 2014

@BMoreBride6 I am just sharing experiences that I am having. If you think there is too much drama feel free to pass my posts by. I am not trying to be snarky or rude but when I come across things that are irritating me (and I think we can all agree that this comment is annoying and my crazy friend who thought she was a BM was annoying) I share them. I am sorry if you find it to be too much. It is nice to have internet strangers who know nothing about my situation have some input so that I can get objective opinions. Believe me, I am enjoying this time with my FI. I have seen plenty of people on here with drama, I don't judge and I would appreciate it if you didn't either.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

amandaj424 said:

@BMoreBride6 I am just sharing experiences that I am having. If you think there is too much drama feel free to pass my posts by. I am not trying to be snarky or rude but when I come across things that are irritating me (and I think we can all agree that this comment is annoying and my crazy friend who thought she was a BM was annoying) I share them. I am sorry if you find it to be too much. It is nice to have internet strangers who know nothing about my situation have some input so that I can get objective opinions. Believe me, I am enjoying this time with my FI. I have seen plenty of people on here with drama, I don't judge and I would appreciate it if you didn't either.

I'm not saying you shouldn't get annoyed or irritated by these things, but it seems to be taking a lot away from the joy you should be experiencing right now. I am a person who hates confrontation and spent a lot of time avoiding it, but all it did was lead to more and more issues. It seems you have a lot of people pulling you in the wrong directions, that are causing you stress, but until you deal with them head on, nothing will change. Rather than sitting with these things and letting them continue to bother you and stress you out, you need to either confront it or decide that you are not going to let it affect you.

jenna8984 · February 2014

I would really want to know if she was kidding of not just cuz I'm nosey. So I would have whomever she is siblings with (fi's mom or fi's dad) bring it up with her, like "Oh Bob's wedding is going to be so beautiful, I can't wait, you're coming right?" And see what she says....

mrsbanany · February 2014

Well my FI's mom ended up saying something because she is very religious and gets very upset that someone would pick something like a reception over mass. It's her brothers wife and FI's kind of made her feel bad since its such an important sacrament in the Catholic Church. Not the way I would have gone about it but I am pretty sure they will reconsider skipping the ceremony.

heathertims · February 2014

If you want to be really sassy (don't remember how to know this woman) You can say something along the lines of

"Oh, well you were invited to be there and share in a very important moment in mine and FI's life. Would you rather not come at all? I can tell you don't like weddings."

Ofcourse you run the risk of being "offensive". I cannot believe the nerve of some people.

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