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bridesmaid drama

skyhigh27skyhigh27 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
One of my bridesmaids called me and said she didn't feel comfortable being in the wedding unless I put another mutual friend of ours in the wedding party as well. Reason she gave was she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; she hurt mine. This mutual friend has a tendency to be a bit of an emotional bully in order to get what she wants and I am sure this is just another one of her schemes to get her way. I don't have a problem with having uneven wedding parties, but what I do have a problem with is now my fiancé doesn't want either of them there and they have already received the save the date's and fear by not sending them invitations that I will ruin both friendships even though this whole thing has left a bitterness in my mouth. What do I do?
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Re: bridesmaid drama

  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I dont know if others would agree but personally, I would not let myself be bullied into adding someone that I had no plans of asking. It seems like she is being manipulative. She apparently accepted your BM request when this "friend" was not a BM! Don't allow the other friend to be it in. If your BM drops then that is on her. It may hurt but then you will discover what kind of friend she truly is. Also, unfortunately, your fiance is going to have to accept the fact that you sent them STD's therefore they should receive an invitation. It's always best to be "blameless." Do the right thing, send the invites, if they attend, fine, if not, its on them. I am a bit confused though with her reason. She "doesnt want to hurt anyone's feelings."  If you dont mind me asking, who is she referring to and why would being in your wedding hurt someone else?



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  • skyhigh27skyhigh27 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    LAM2228 said:
    I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I dont know if others would agree but personally, I would not let myself be bullied into adding someone that I had no plans of asking. It seems like she is being manipulative. She apparently accepted your BM request when this "friend" was not a BM! Don't allow the other friend to be it in. If your BM drops then that is on her. It may hurt but then you will discover what kind of friend she truly is. Also, unfortunately, your fiance is going to have to accept the fact that you sent them STD's therefore they should receive an invitation. It's always best to be "blameless." Do the right thing, send the invites, if they attend, fine, if not, its on them. I am a bit confused though with her reason. She "doesnt want to hurt anyone's feelings."  If you dont mind me asking, who is she referring to and why would being in your wedding hurt someone else?


    The girl I didn't ask has always been the type of person to call "dibs" on a friend. I've known her about 12 years and she introduced me to the girl I had chosen to be in my wedding and anytime over the past decade we do anything without her, it's a huge fiasco because we met because of her. In her mind it's a valid reason to act like a big baby. The girl who I chose is very, how do I put it nicely... gullible. When you combine her being a pushover with a strong personality of someone who is quick to threaten a friendship she'll always do what is asked of her to "save" a friendship. It's all very grade school, feel free to roll your eyes.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    skyhigh27 said:
    One of my bridesmaids called me and said she didn't feel comfortable being in the wedding unless I put another mutual friend of ours in the wedding party as well. Reason she gave was she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; she hurt mine. This mutual friend has a tendency to be a bit of an emotional bully in order to get what she wants and I am sure this is just another one of her schemes to get her way. I don't have a problem with having uneven wedding parties, but what I do have a problem with is now my fiancé doesn't want either of them there and they have already received the save the date's and fear by not sending them invitations that I will ruin both friendships even though this whole thing has left a bitterness in my mouth. What do I do?
    I'd tell her, "You hurt my feelings.  It's not up to you to decide who is in the wedding party; the only people who get to do that are me and my FI."  And then let her drop out if she feels like it, because she sounds like a controlling jerk.  Unfortunately for your FI, you can't uninvite either her or the other friend.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with Maggie. Your bridesmaid is totally out of line. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    skyhigh27 said:
    One of my bridesmaids called me and said she didn't feel comfortable being in the wedding unless I put another mutual friend of ours in the wedding party as well. Reason she gave was she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; she hurt mine. This mutual friend has a tendency to be a bit of an emotional bully in order to get what she wants and I am sure this is just another one of her schemes to get her way. I don't have a problem with having uneven wedding parties, but what I do have a problem with is now my fiancé doesn't want either of them there and they have already received the save the date's and fear by not sending them invitations that I will ruin both friendships even though this whole thing has left a bitterness in my mouth. What do I do?
    I'd tell her, "You hurt my feelings.  It's not up to you to decide who is in the wedding party; the only people who get to do that are me and my FI."  And then let her drop out if she feels like it, because she sounds like a controlling jerk.  Unfortunately for your FI, you can't uninvite either her or the other friend.
    Yep, this.

    What is wrong with people?!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • skyhigh27skyhigh27 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    I'd tell her, "You hurt my feelings.  It's not up to you to decide who is in the wedding party; the only people who get to do that are me and my FI."  And then let her drop out if she feels like it, because she sounds like a controlling jerk.  Unfortunately for your FI, you can't uninvite either her or the other friend.
    Yep, this.

    What is wrong with people?!
    I've been asking myself the same question. I don't know what it is about weddings that brings out the worst in people, especially women. I think other than my fiancé being on edge about it, the worst part is those two girls have continued to act like they did nothing wrong and I am the one out of line. 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Maggie0829 said:
    One of my bridesmaids called me and said she didn't feel comfortable being in the wedding unless I put another mutual friend of ours in the wedding party as well. Reason she gave was she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings; she hurt mine. This mutual friend has a tendency to be a bit of an emotional bully in order to get what she wants and I am sure this is just another one of her schemes to get her way. I don't have a problem with having uneven wedding parties, but what I do have a problem with is now my fiancé doesn't want either of them there and they have already received the save the date's and fear by not sending them invitations that I will ruin both friendships even though this whole thing has left a bitterness in my mouth. What do I do?
    So your one BM is trying to tell you who to include in your wedding party? I would tell her "friend our wedding party has been decided so we will not be including anyone else." And then do not talk about it again. If this BM drops out because she doesn't get her way then you are better off. But I would still invite we and the other person because there is really no reason not to.
    This exactly. 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    skyhigh27 said:
     
    I've been asking myself the same question. I don't know what it is about weddings that brings out the worst in people, especially women. I think other than my fiancé being on edge about it, the worst part is those two girls have continued to act like they did nothing wrong and I am the one out of line. 
    You did nothing wrong.  Sometimes friendships change and people grow apart.  Maybe it is ibest to just ignore the one who starts the drama and if the other girl goes then at least you know she wasn't a true friend.  It is tough, but thats just the way life is
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Wow! People do this?! Above PP had good advice, stand your ground!
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  • LimaD_23382142LimaD_23382142 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    Wow, that's crazy.  Her friendship with you shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. Stand your ground and hopefully she'll stand hers too against her controlling "friend"
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  • skyhigh27skyhigh27 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    I got together with both of them a couple nights ago. Apparently the proper way to choose your wedding party is to choose the people you've known the longest even if you're not super close to them anymore. Needless to say, she dropped out and the other girl isn't sure if she'll even go to the wedding. If this is the only drama that's wedding related, I'll take it. Thanks for the advice everyone!
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    skyhigh27 said:
    I got together with both of them a couple nights ago. Apparently the proper way to choose your wedding party is to choose the people you've known the longest even if you're not super close to them anymore. Needless to say, she dropped out and the other girl isn't sure if she'll even go to the wedding. If this is the only drama that's wedding related, I'll take it. Thanks for the advice everyone!
    Still invite both to the wedding. Give them time and space to cool off.  I would be shocked if they went from wanting to be in the wedding party to not going at all.  Ignore all drama, don't talk wedding stuff with them when you hang out, and just keep planning!

    Also, your FI doesn't have the right to tell you to disinvite your friends because they irritate him.  Hopefully he will back off of this.
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  • StefA8StefA8 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Wow... They do sound like they are in middle/high school. But it definitely sounds like the friend who wasn't chosen as a bridesmaid has done a wonderful job of manipulating your friend whom you did choose to be a bridesmaid. I'd still extend the invites to both, because you seem to be a much bigger person than either of them. So sorry that this has been such a struggle.
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