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Got the STD in the mail...

mbross3mbross3 member
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in Not Engaged Yet
For BF's friend's PPD in May. She had asked me to be a BM, but I declined do to legitimate school and money concerns (...and bc I was worried some of my snark might leak out), but BF is a GM for her hubby. 

So we get the STD in the mail yesterday and it is addressed to BF "and guest". AND GUEST. ouch. BF and I live together, she came to our going away party, we've been dating 2 years...she knows all of this. 

I was offended, but BF was mad and BF never gets MAD. He wanted to call and talk to her about it right then, he thinks she's being passive aggressive and that she doesn't like me. I told him not to and to just let it go. Today he is still mad about it, they have some history (years in the past now) and he thinks she's "not acknowledging our relationship". I am just like, she is married, yes it's rude, but let's just let it go. In the end though, she is his friend and I don't want to tell him what to do. I just think it would be better to let it go. 

It's just, now I'm starting to question whether I should go at all. BF could bring his sister (she lives out of town but she knows BF's friend and might fly in for the PPD if BF asks her to be his "guest"). I feel like she must really not want me there if she wouldn't even put my name on the STD? 

I know this isn't really a question, partly I just wanted to rant and partly I'm honestly interested in what any of you would do in a similar situation. Skip it? Go anyway?...


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Re: Got the STD in the mail...

  • phiraphira member
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    I think you should make your decision as if they had addressed the save-the-date correctly. That's not to say that you should definitely GO; it's a PPD, and it sounds like this person has a history of not being totally respectful of your relationship.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
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    It's really strange to me that she asked you to be a BM in the wedding but then called you "and guest" on the STD. 

    I personally would probably attend because my SO was going and I like weddings and it would be easier to do that than deal with the potential fallout from not going. I would definitely not send someone else in my place, though. 



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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    A few years ago a couple of BF's friends were getting married. We'd been together for at least 2 (maybe 3 years) at that point and hung out with them on a fairly regular basis. We hung out with them the night before they addressed all the invites. Invitation shows up addressed to BF and guest. I was pissed. But I still went because BF was going and I love weddings.

    I think you should be annoyed and then just let it go. You can go to the wedding or not go but I wouldn't let this dictate your decision.

    I agree with @swazzle - I wouldn't send someone else in my place.


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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
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    Yeah... this makes no sense.

    First she asks you to be a BM, and then you're "And guest?"

    I think this is less about her not acknowledging your relationship and more about her being passive aggressive about you turning down her invitation to the BP.

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  • mbross3mbross3 member
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    I was pretty surprised when she asked me to be a BM. She and I are not close, but we did see each other pretty regularly before BF and I moved last summer (since they're close). I just figured she was asking me for his benefit, as a way of showing him that she "approved" the relationship or something. She seemed relieved when I declined so I didn't think she would be mad at me about that.

    It just seemed like such an intentional omission to leave out my name on the STD that I just assumed she must really not want me there. Maybe I'm reading too much into this! You are all probably right- I should not let this determine whether I attend. 
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  • RWS2011RWS2011 member
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    It is sweet of your BF to be upset/protective of your feelings. This friend may very well be acting passive aggressive, and if so, rise above it!  If he is going, I'd go.  It isn't as bad, but for both of the wedding of FI's friends that I went to my name was spelled wrong.  We are Facebook friends, and had known each other for years.  They should have been able to get the spelling right  Derp!
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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
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    A few years ago, after DH and I had been dating for two years and living together for one, one of my BFs from college invited just me to her wedding. Just me. To save money. I don't think he would have gone anyway, because it was a flight and a weekend that we couldn't swing at the time, but I still, to this day, am annoyed by it. So I feel your pain. I think you can make the decision to go or not go based on whether you want to witness their PPD, or be support for your BF, or whatever reason you might want to go. I would also think it's valid if you decide to turn it down, but I would NOT give her the satisfaction of having anyone else stand in for you as the 'and guest'.
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  • mbross3mbross3 member
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    @RWS2011 - ugh! That's annoying too, especially when they can so easily check spelling! You're right, I should probably go. Especially since he's in the WP and I know he doesn't want to go by himself. Plus, I'm pretty sure I won't actually have to interact much with her at the wedding. Maybe I'll just take a page out of some other posters' books and stick some mini wine bottles in my purse! 
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  • LabLove86LabLove86 member
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    Hi - so I'm fairly new on here - and still learning all of the acronyms (is there a list somewhere that I should study? Haha)

    Anyway - what does PPD stand for?? 

    Thanks
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
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    @lablove86 PPD = pretty princess day

    essentially, it's a couple who has already been married for any amount of time is having a "real wedding." Go to E, read up on it. I believe there's still a sticky at the top. 
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  • LabLove86LabLove86 member
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    OK thank you! And I'll look it up for sure!
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