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bbushelli · February 2014

kns1988 · February 2014

It sounds like she tried to back out multiple times and you wouldn't let her. Do you see how hard you and your mom made it for her to stick to her decision? Plus, flying across the country is kind of a big deal, even if you've offered to cover some of her expenses.

JaxInBlue · February 2014

I'm a little confused about the order things have happened in. Is the text from her saying she doesn't want to be in the wedding your most recent communication with her? Did you offer to provide boots and your mom's offer to help with the cost of the dress come before or after that text? Before that even, did you ask her privately, what her budget was for a dress? I know $60 doesn't seem like a lot of money, but for a potentially one-wear dress, even that can be too much.

Ultimately, it's not up to you what your MOH spends her time and money on. She's free to prioritize trips for herself, a new vehicle, whatever she wants over spending on items for your wedding (especially things like boots - which can be expensive for good quality and not everyone's personal style). She's also free to decide that she can't or doesn't want to help with showers, pre-parties, etc., if her budget or free time has changed.

Since your engagement, have you spent a lot of time talking about non-wedding stuff with her? Do you know what's going on in her life? Is her health good, her job, her family? Since you have six-ish months, I'd try to engage with her around non-wedding things for a little bit. See where she is and how she is feeling, then talk to her about the wedding. Listen to her concerns, be conscious of her feelings, time and budget. Focus on your friendship and recognize that it's her choice to step down if there are other demands on her time and stress that need her focus. Be open to having her attend as a guest if that would be better for her. The thing you can't do in this situation is kick her out.

ETA: grammar

bbushelli · February 2014

Yes my grammar is horrible I understand that. She was the one who picked this dress out, we went together when I was visiting her in Pennsylvania. I talk to her 2x weekly just to catch up, nothing about the wedding; my wedding planning is completely done so there is nothing to discuss. The first text I got was the one where she said she didn't want to do it. She already knew about borrowing boots. I responded with Totally understand just call me so we can talk about it. That is when she responded the night later that said she will do it but does not want me upset if she is not at rehearsal...

singinchick13 · February 2014

Yikes, I would definitely be upset in your shoes, however, it may be difficult for her to prioritize or be excited for your wedding because the two of you are so far away. There may be a lot going on in her own life that she does not want to go away from, have you asked about her at all? If she truly does not feel up to being your MOH, don't badger her into it. From far away it is tough and she has already voiced concerns, so I would invite her to attend the wedding as a guest or a bridesmaid, whichever she would prefer. Make it clear that there is no pressure on her whatsoever, but she is a dear friend and you would love to have her there.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

I'm confused what you mean by this, "Heck, when she was dx with cancer at age 8 we both got matching tattoos when we turned 18 thats our friendship,"

bbushelli · February 2014

that we were that close we got matching tattoos?

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

The way you wrote it basically sounds like she was diagnosed with cancer and you got tattoos when you were 8. And then when you turned 18, it was your friendship? Sorry your writing it confusing but guess it doesn't matter now that you went for the DD. Just so you know, deleting a post is a surefire way to draw attention to yourself.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Just came by for the DD. Not sure what the OP posted that she felt the need to do this, but I don't think posters asking for clarification should be rude or offensive enough to warrant this.

chibiyui · February 2014

......I was hoping for a better DD......

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Well, just so this thread isn't completely useless....

WildMagelet · February 2014

Also disappointed by the DD =(

zitiqueen · February 2014

Disappointed by the LACK OF QUOTING!

You just never know. Better to be safe than sorry!

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

To sum it up (from what I remember), her BFF was supposed to be her MOH but then MOH tried to back out saying she didn't know if she had the money and thought it would be easier for OP to appoint someone living closer. OP kept trying to talk her out of dropping out, mom offered to pay for dress/ cow boy boots or whatever. MOH still tried to back out. OP talked her back into it. OP is mad because MOH is taking a trip to Punta Cana and bought a new car which according to OP means MOH could afford the dress and she should have thought of the wedding expenses first. Did I sum that up correctly?

bbushelli · February 2014

Sorry for all the later comments that didn't get to see the original post. After I received the first few they were extremely helpful and I got the answers I needed, after that I received an extremely hateful,rude post and deleted my original. Sorry...

zitiqueen · February 2014

bbushelli said:

Sorry for all the later comments that didn't get to see the original post. After I received the first few they were extremely helpful and I got the answers I needed, after that I received an extremely hateful,rude post and deleted my original. Sorry...

Which post was hateful and rude? I've read them all and I see nothing hateful or rude.

jneen101 · February 2014

BMoreBride6 said:

OP is mad because MOH is taking a trip to Punta Cana and bought a new car which according to OP means MOH could afford the dress and she should have thought of the wedding expenses first.

LOL this can't possibly be what she really said, can it?!?

bbushelli · February 2014

No that is NOT what i originally said. My mother is paying for MOH dress because she said she could not afford the dress and boots. MOH picked the dress out herself before any of the bridesmaids seen dress and said price was ok. MOH trip to Punta Cana has nothing at all to do with my original posting except the fact that she is going right after the wedding. I am providing MOH with flights,hotel stay, boots and now dress.

Viczaesar · February 2014

So which post do you think was hateful and rude?

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

Sorry if I was off, but that is how your original post came off. It appeared like you were angry she was choosing her vacation expenses over your wedding expenses.

jneen101 · February 2014

bbushelli said:

No that is NOT what i originally said. My mother is paying for MOH dress because she said she could not afford the dress and boots. MOH picked the dress out herself before any of the bridesmaids seen dress and said price was ok. MOH trip to Punta Cana has nothing at all to do with my original posting except the fact that she is going right after the wedding. I am providing MOH with flights,hotel stay, boots and now dress.

So why does it matter if she is going to Punta Cana?

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