When to give a gift?

Re: When to give a gift?

• chibiyui member

  

  February 2014

  No judging here.
  
  I think I'd ship it just before the wedding, or buy the day before the wedding. But I don't think it really matters when you give it.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  February 2014

  Since you aren't attending the shower and wouldn't see her open it anyway, I agree it doesn't matter.  Just ship it before the wedding.

  
  

  And no judgment from me either!  We always are told as brides not to expect gifts, so I think it's completely okay to only get your friend one gift.  Or NO gift if it wasn't in your budget at all.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• sarahufl member

  

  February 2014

  nope, no judgement. One gift is just fine. Ship it around the wedding.

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  February 2014

  No judgement -- and agree with shipping it after the shower but before the wedding.

  
  

  However, one line in your OP bothers me:

  
  

  lalalaurita said:

  I'm a BM in a friend's OOT wedding this spring and I'm only planning to give one gift - is it better to ship it in time for the shower (I can't attend) or bring it to the wedding? Does it matter?
  
  Before y'all judge me for being stingy - after accounting for the money I've spent on the dress and alterations, plus shoes, hair and makeup (at the bride's request), airfare, hotel, and bachelorette party expenses, there isn't much left in my budget. The least expensive items on their registry are $75+ so I can't really split my gift budget into two items for the shower and wedding day.
  
  

  Did the bride discuss your budget with you before selecting a dress? Did she include the cost of alterations in that cost? If she's requiring specific shoes or hair and make-up, that's on her to pay for. The airfare and hotel are on you, in terms of costs, but the bachelorette party -- again, were those costs discussed and a decision made based on everyone's budget or did you just get an invoice?

  
  

  Also, there is nothing wrong with buying something not on a registry. 

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• blabla89 member

  

  February 2014

  HisGirlFriday13 said:

  No judgement -- and agree with shipping it after the shower but before the wedding.

  
  

  However, one line in your OP bothers me:

  
  

  lalalaurita said:

  I'm a BM in a friend's OOT wedding this spring and I'm only planning to give one gift - is it better to ship it in time for the shower (I can't attend) or bring it to the wedding? Does it matter?
  
  Before y'all judge me for being stingy - after accounting for the money I've spent on the dress and alterations, plus shoes, hair and makeup (at the bride's request), airfare, hotel, and bachelorette party expenses, there isn't much left in my budget. The least expensive items on their registry are $75+ so I can't really split my gift budget into two items for the shower and wedding day.
  
  

  Did the bride discuss your budget with you before selecting a dress? Did she include the cost of alterations in that cost? If she's requiring specific shoes or hair and make-up, that's on her to pay for. The airfare and hotel are on you, in terms of costs, but the bachelorette party -- again, were those costs discussed and a decision made based on everyone's budget or did you just get an invoice?

  
  

  Also, there is nothing wrong with buying something not on a registry. 

  Nope, she sure didn't ask about our budget. It's doable for me, just means I'll have to spend less on some other things, but I suspect it's a bigger issue for the other BMs (who are in college or just graduated) - two of them actually backed out and were replaced with B-listers. I'm going to grin and bear it because I'm close with the bride's family, and because I don't want to get into a spat with this girl, and I really am excited about going down there to the wedding and to hang out with the family.
  
  Unfortunately I don't think they sell roosters where I live, but I did find a miniature suit of armor that she and her FI would love...
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  February 2014

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• blabla89 member

  

  February 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  Wow - I guess this makes me glad that my dress was only $150? I've only been a BM for two weddings, neither of the brides asked the BMs about our budget (or any other input on attire). Honestly I would have said that the price of the dress was fine, but I'm annoyed that I wasn't consulted at all.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• pinkshorts27 member

  

  February 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  
  

  
  

  I am going to discuss it. What ever you think is reasonable, may not seem reasonable to your girls.  I would be annoyed if you didn't talk to me beforehand. I know all of my girls are in different situations so I'm having a heart to heart with each girl before we start shopping. I would never want any of them to feel uncomfortable or bullied into buying something they can't afford.

  
  

  

  
  

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• sarahufl member

  

  February 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  450 is ABSOLUTELY absurd, but I also must say that 250 is fairly unreasonable. I once paid 250 (with alterations) and I was absolutely furious. I have been a bridesmaid 9 times- most expensive dress was 250 and I think the cheapest was 40.

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  February 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  To the second bold: Ho.ly.Fucking.Shit, yes. I didn't spend that much on MY OWN damn dress. If ANY bride expected me to shell out that much on a BM dress for her wedding, I'd be declining so fast her head would spin.

  
  

  To the first bold: Not to be rude, but your opinion, when it comes to spending other people's money, means jack-shit. It's not your money, so you don't get to decide what's 'reasonable' for someone to spend on your wedding. This is the same principle as 'he who pays gets a say' when it comes to guest lists and other wedding aspects -- if you're paying, you get a say. If you're not, you don't. So unless you're paying for those BM dresses, you don't get to just *assume* this cost is reasonable.

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• firebabe6519 member

  

  February 2014

  @laurynm84 I asked my WP about their budget. To me $150-250 is freaking insane! The total cost of my wedding dress, veil, accessories, and wedding night lingerie didn't even go over that. No way would I ask someone to waste all that money on a onetime dress!
  
  My BMs only ended up paying $25 for their dresses. We got our dresses at DEB plus I had a great coupon for 40% off they got to use.

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  I completely agree Friday. Like I said my bridesmaids were fine with the cost of the dresses for my wedding. They picked their own dresses too, so I know I wasn't rude. My opinion in general I realize doesn't mean anything if someone cannot afford it, but I've only been in 1 wedding and my BM dress was 150 but alterations were almost 100 dollars (which was fine for me). Also depending on where you get the dresses there are very few that are under150. You can find them, but the options are limited. I'm very curious where people got their BM dresses if they were in the 100 dollar range. And my opinion on reasonable, which I knew not everyone would agree, was really just to compare to the 450 dollar dress which I think is absurd. Even in a HCOL area. Wow where did you get your dress and accessories firebabe?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  February 2014

  My bridesmaids' dresses were $50 from Macy's. I didn't want the stereotypical strapless satin gowns that are oh so popular around here, though, so that actually made things much easier.

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• WinstonsGirl member

  

  February 2014

  laurynm84 said:

  I'm really curious if any brides discuss budget with their bridesmaids? I personally think there is a reasonable line for dresses (150-250) and I asked my BM if they were ok with the cost ~200 for the designer I picked. They all said they budgeted at least 300 so I was in the clear! However my sister is sucking it up for a friend of hers who picked a 450 dollar dress. Do others think this is ridiculous to buy a dress that much for someone else's wedding!

  I didn't ask my MOH, but I told her to wear whatever she wanted, so it wasn't necessary.  I've never been asked my budget (twice a BM and once MOH).  When I was MOH, I got to pick anything I wanted, so again no issue, but the first BM, I was told what the dress was, since a couple of the other BM's had decided on it already, and the second time, the 3 of us went out together.  We could have got different dresses, but the other 2 wanted to look the same.  I didn't care and could afford it, so I went along.  

  
  

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• KytchynWitche member

  

  February 2014

  OP, I'd send the gift just before the wedding. Gifts are never a requirement, so you'll get no judgement from me!
  

  

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