smdh...'Dear Abby' advice

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 20 years, "Claire," has suffered bouts of depression ever since I have known her. She recently confided to me that her brother had repeatedly sexually abused her as a child. When she went to her mother for help, her mother told her she needed to "thank God that it was happening because it would make her a stronger person." Her mother is dead now, but her father is still alive. I am furious at him for allowing the abuse to happen under his roof.

Abby, the family acts like it never happened! Claire invites her dad to events we plan together like birthdays. How do I attend knowing what I know? I don't want to sit across a table from him.

My husband is an abuse survivor and feels even more strongly than I do. It has made get-togethers miserable for us. Should we just smile and pretend we don't know because we can't fight my best friend's fight for her? How do we get over the anger? -- CONFUSED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CONFUSED: Years ago, someone explained to me that depression is anger turned inward. Your friend is enduring these bouts of depression because she was never allowed to express her anger where it belonged -- at her brother and her mother. Whether the mother ever told her husband what was going on, or whether it was the continuation of a long family tradition of sexual abuse, is something we don't know. But if you haven't suggested to Claire that she could benefit from counseling, you should.

As to you and your husband participating in these family gatherings, my advice is to stop doing it. Celebrate special occasions with your friend right before or after these occasions; many people have pre- or post-birthday get-togethers, and that's what I recommend in a case like this.

Uhm......no. Depression is a medical condition, caused by physical changes in the body. It is NOT 'anger turned inwards' that people can just get over by expressing their anger at whomever pissed them off.

Counselling is a good idea if you have depression, and I always support counselling, but I dunno...that answer really rubbed me the wrong way.

ETF: stupid formatting

cruffino · February 2014

i take all my medical advice from newspaper columnists.

CMGragain · February 2014

There is no simple answer for what causes depression. I have been suffering from lifelong depression (inherited), and thank God for the invention of Prozac! It was like a miracle! My son also inherited this problem, though my daughter did not.
I came from a very difficult home life, and I spent some time with therapists, though the real solution was physical, as you say. Psychiatry has come a long way from the days of Freud. I think most people with depression need a combination of therapy and medication.
I wish medical science would come up with a new name for clinical depression. The name makes it sound so trivial, which it is most definitely NOT! How about seratonin deficiency?

emmyg65 · February 2014

Sometimes, depression does have external causes, but yes, the idea that depression is "anger turned inward" is ridiculous.

RWS2011 · February 2014

emmyg65 said:

Sometimes, depression does have external causes, but yes, the idea that depression is "anger turned inward" is ridiculous.

That is differentiated from clinical depression with its own term: situational depression. I agree with you @HisGirlFriday13, the columnist irked me, as well. There is so much misinformation about mental heath, if you are in the business of giving advice, educate yourself!

natswild · February 2014

for survivors of child sexual abuse, depression is very real. I suffered from it, to the point of being suicidal, for more than a decade, before I managed to pull myself out of it (without any help whatsoever), and another suicidal depression about a decade later that lasted several years, which I finally resolved with professional help. That being said, I agree with previous posters that she was being a little ridiculous with her definition.

smdh...'Dear Abby' advice

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