[vent] Fi is being a whiney bitch.

JennyColada · February 2014

He's been out a lot for work lately and I texted him today to let him know that I'm going to dinner with a friend and won't be home when he gets home.

He got super crazy about it and it became a big issue (even though I changed my plans so that I won't be going out) and now he's sulking on the couch watching TV not saying a single word to me since he got home.

Ugh.

So I took myself out for sushi.

I win.

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

Wow. I would never describe someone I love and respect, someone I expect to be my life partner, as a "whiney bitch", even when venting.

And if he normally gets crazy when you make plans, I could consider that a red flag and something to discuss.

pinkcow13 · February 2014

That sucks! Why is he being all moody tonight?

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

I swear to the baby Jesus, men get PMS, too, and this weather isn't helping anyone.

I'm sorry your FI is being ridiculous. I hope he's in a better mood by the time you're home!

JennyColada · February 2014

pinkcow13 said:
That sucks! Why is he being all moody tonight?

There are a couple things coming to a head and we're both stressed out. Mostly it's his insecurities about not feeling good enough (he got upset because the friend I was going to see is kind of a...um...loser, and that makes Fi feel like "if she likes this person then what does that say about her liking ME?!"). It's silly, but he needs time to get his emotions out and then we can discuss the base for them when the time is right.

I could have done better planning in not scheduling a dinner after I hadn't spent quality time with Fi and after he's had a long day at work, but I didn't think it'd hit a cord with him like it did!

pinkcow13 · February 2014

Lmao @hisgirlfriday13, I was thinking that he was probably PMSing also!

SBmini · February 2014

I hear you!! Monday night, we went to Lowes to pick up some things. As we're walking in, my fiance grabs a bag from the self check out line to shop with. He thinks he's some genius. I just grab a basket like a normal person. While we are shopping, he starts putting things in his plastic bag. I tell him to put them in the basket because someone may think he's going to steal something.

So we finish up our shopping, he goes to check out and he puts his bag inside another bag! I asked him why he didn't just use the bag he was shopping with and he starts making up some excuse about check out weight and something. I pointed out that it was a waste of plastic and he goes on defending his actions. I just said- you know what, this isn't worth the fight. It's too stupid and inconsequential.

He didn't talk to me the rest of the evening because I was a bitch, treated him like a child and was condescending to him. He even skipped dinner because he was so upset. I was as polite as any rational human being can be when someone does something that stupid and well, childish. I didn't insult him, call him any names, etc.

It was so out of left field, that I didn't even know why he was mad at me. And when I asked him all night he didn't want to talk about it. This, in turn, made ME mad because I couldn't figure out why he was so mad at me. Then, we're getting in bed and I told him I really needed to know because I couldn't sleep when I was mad. He told me that I was being a bitch about the bag and he didn't want to talk about it because he wanted to sleep. He rolled over and was out in 30 seconds. While I was awake for an hour arguing with him in my mind.

Next morning I told him about how much sleep I lost and that I don't think I deserved to be treated the way he treated me. He replied, "Yeah, you are right, I was cranky and over reacted."

So frustrating!

pinkcow13 · February 2014

Jennycolada said:

pinkcow13 said:
That sucks! Why is he being all moody tonight?
There are a couple things coming to a head and we're both stressed out. Mostly it's his insecurities about not feeling good enough (he got upset because the friend I was going to see is kind of a...um...loser, and that makes Fi feel like "if she likes this person then what does that say about her liking ME?!"). It's silly, but he needs time to get his emotions out and then we can discuss the base for them when the time is right.

I could have done better planning in not scheduling a dinner after I hadn't spent quality time with Fi and after he's had a long day at work, but I didn't think it'd hit a cord with him like it did!

Awww. Yea, sometimes men can get all sensitive. I know FI has his moments. Well, hopefully he cheers up by the end of the night! And at least you got your sushi:)

PolarBearFitz · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I swear to the baby Jesus, men get PMS, too, and this weather isn't helping anyone.

I'm sorry your FI is being ridiculous. I hope he's in a better mood by the time you're home!

This. Definitely sounds like he is on his Meriod, I feel sorry for his wide-set jealousy and heavy flow of silly emotions.

FiancB · February 2014

Yeah, Pissy Man Syndrome it is. I'd agree that I would be worried if this happened with any regularity that I'd be seeing red flags but we all have a weak moment here and there. Glad you went out for sushi anyway. I don't coddle that shit.

Emmy1493 · February 2014

I can relate. There is certain times when FI gets very upset (most of the time for silly reasons, but then again I can too) and no matter how sweet I am, or how much I try, he will still be upset. It takes A LOT of coaxing him out of his grumpy shell sometimes.

JennyColada · February 2014

It's especially frustrating because we're both so logic-driven and are able to verbalize how/when we're feeling exceptionally emotional.

Sushi (and a little sulky time apart) definitely helped.

PolarBearFitz · February 2014

Now I just want sushi. I blame you @Jennycolada

Emmy1493 · February 2014

Jennycolada said:

It's especially frustrating because we're both so logic-driven and are able to verbalize how/when we're feeling exceptionally emotional. Sushi (and a little sulky time apart) definitely helped.

Sometimes, space is needed. I went to see a movie by myself once. It was nice to just have me time and not have to think about him not having a decent time. I do it as often as needed if were feeling super stressed and irritated. Other than that, we just really sit down and talk about it if we can, or have time in between our work time and his school time.

NavyBlue143 · February 2014

H and I have set up a warning system for when we're cranky and not in our normal frames of mind. We simply warn the other "don't poke the bear." We have a relationship where we kid around a lot, so it's nice to have the warning that now is not the time. Now, sometimes H will still poke the bear to try and get me to laugh, because laughing is what I need. But he usually knows when the bear is just grumpy and when the bear will chew off his face. Then he sets down wine and backs away slowly.

Unfortunately, H doesn't always warn me not to poke the bear. And then he bites my head off. Men. They complain about our moodiness. At least mine follows a calendar, Mr. Fussypants.

JennyColada · February 2014

Yea, last night he could have just as easily said "hey, I'm not excited about you seeing R tonight and I'm feeling insecure. Do you think you could reschedule and spend the night with me tonight?" or even "I don't like R, but do what you want, but I don't want to talk about it please." would have been better.

But when I told him that he's all "I don't want to tell you what to do." No, but you're going to have a huge emotional outburst when I'm not doing something "right"? Ugh.

I mean, overall it was a helpful night, since now I understand how he feels about the situation and I can utilize that information in the future. But I feel like he could have given me the message in a not-so-emotionally-unstable way.

grumbledore · February 2014

blueeyes90 said:

Wow. I would never describe someone I love and respect, someone I expect to be my life partner, as a "whiney bitch", even when venting.

And if he normally gets crazy when you make plans, I could consider that a red flag and something to discuss.

Holy judgypants Batman. Everyone has off days. My FI is a pain in the ass sometimes - so am I, so it evens out.

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

grumbledore said:

blueeyes90 said:

Wow. I would never describe someone I love and respect, someone I expect to be my life partner, as a "whiney bitch", even when venting.

And if he normally gets crazy when you make plans, I could consider that a red flag and something to discuss.

blueeyes90 said:

Wow. I would never describe someone I love and respect, someone I expect to be my life partner, as a "whiney bitch", even when venting.

And if he normally gets crazy when you make plans, I could consider that a red flag and something to discuss.

Holy judgypants Batman. Everyone has off days. My FI is a pain in the ass sometimes - so am I, so it evens out.

I'm sorry that offended you, but I stand by my statement. I never would say that about my partner or my family even. I couldn't even imagine my parents saying that about each other. Even when they frustrate me, even when they push my limits I still respect them. I couldn't imagine how hurt FI would be if I said that about him, even if he was acting ridiculous (which does happen). Maybe we were just raised to express our feelings differently, but I couldn't even imagine saying that to my girlfriends, let alone posting it on the internet.

JennyColada · February 2014

It's a good thing me and you are not dating then, huh?

sdg2502 · February 2014

If your fi has been working long hours,it's probably just a symptom of that. Currently, my fi and I get one Monday off together a fortnight. On my workdays, I work a 14 hr day, on her workdays (all my days off) she either works mega early so wants to go to bed at 8pm or works late til at least midnight (last night she got in at 5am.) It's hard not to get grumpy sometimes but every time it happens one of us usually manages to point out that it's just because we miss each other and we'd rather be spending time together than doing anything else. I'd bet your FI had just been looking forward to seeing you and had forgotten that it might be useful to actually tell you that. Also, for what it's worth, I'd be more worried about the relationship that didn't involve you calling each other out for being a whiney bitch sometimes and instead saw you refusing to ever just vent at them.

sdg2502 · February 2014

Why on earth does my formatting not stick when I post a comment...? Sorry for the wall of text.

[vent] Fi is being a whiney bitch.

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