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+1 question

raeah219raeah219 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey ladies. Thanks to these boards I just found out that I need to look at my guest list again and invite the significant others of my guests. I already accounted for married, engaged, and live-in boyfriends/girlfriends but now I am looking back and adding anybody that we know for sure is in a relationship. Live in or not. 
So my question that I cant find an answer to in the boards is, if I invite my friend John and his girlfriend Nikki and he and Nikki break up b4 the wedding, do I send out an updated invite later with just him? 
Im guessing that since RSVPS wont come back until a few months b4 the wedding that John can just decline Nikki's invite right? Or is Nikki still invited no matter what? I feel like once you invite somebody they are invited, but if Nikki isnt dating my friend John anymore she has no tie to me but you cant really uninvite people can you? I guess I would just have to hope Nikki doesnt show up, and then what if John starts dating someone new? New invite now? My friends have some drama filled love lives so Im trying to cover all of my bases without being rude in any way. 
Also, since they are in committed relationships its not really considered a +1 right, the SOs name needs to be on the invite right? So it should say "John LastName and Nikki LastName" instead of "John and Guest" right? 
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Re: +1 question

  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You don't send a new invitation after the breakup. They will figure out how to handle it.

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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    AprilH81 said:

    You would address the invite to John LasName and Nikki LastName.  If they breakup the invitation is not transferable (John shouldn't bring a new girlfriend) but if he asks to bring someone else it would be gracious if you let him. A breakup does not result in sending a new invitation.
    But I thought that ppl in committed relationships should be invited? So even though new girlfriend is new, she is still a girlfriend so shouldnt she be invited? 
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
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    raeah219 said:
    AprilH81 said:

    You would address the invite to John LasName and Nikki LastName.  If they breakup the invitation is not transferable (John shouldn't bring a new girlfriend) but if he asks to bring someone else it would be gracious if you let him. A breakup does not result in sending a new invitation.
    But I thought that ppl in committed relationships should be invited? So even though new girlfriend is new, she is still a girlfriend so shouldnt she be invited? 
    That is the grey area in the rules.  

    John was invited with his girlfriend Nikki.  If he and Nikki break up and he starts dating Olivia he should not ask to transfer the invite to Olivia because invitations are not transferable.  BUT as a gracious host (who has already saved a spot for Nikki) should let Olivia come if you know about her/John asks.

    But yes, generally speaking dating/engaged/married couples should always be invited as a unit.
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    raeah219 said:
    AprilH81 said:

    You would address the invite to John LasName and Nikki LastName.  If they breakup the invitation is not transferable (John shouldn't bring a new girlfriend) but if he asks to bring someone else it would be gracious if you let him. A breakup does not result in sending a new invitation.
    But I thought that ppl in committed relationships should be invited? So even though new girlfriend is new, she is still a girlfriend so shouldnt she be invited? 
    If the the changes in relationship change after the invitation is sent you technically do not have to invite the new GF. It is nice, but not required.
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  • leelabearleelabear member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Address it to John and Guest. It should be up to him who he wants to invite when it gets closer.

    If they break up and Nikki isn't already a good friend to you or your fiance, she should probably know that it would be inappropriate to still attend. I don't think a second invite is needed.

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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    RedJacks25 said:
    Also, it sounds like you're planning to send out your invites way too early. RSVPs won't be coming back "a few months before the wedding"--they'll be coming back a couple of weeks before, as you should send out your invites 6-8 weeks before the wedding.
    Ok. So when do I send out invites? My wedding is March 28 2015 so I was going to send out invites January 1 2015. Too soon?
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    raeah219 said:
    RedJacks25 said:
    Also, it sounds like you're planning to send out your invites way too early. RSVPs won't be coming back "a few months before the wedding"--they'll be coming back a couple of weeks before, as you should send out your invites 6-8 weeks before the wedding.
    Ok. So when do I send out invites? My wedding is March 28 2015 so I was going to send out invites January 1 2015. Too soon?
    I wouldn't send them until January 28. Your RSVP date should be a week or so before your final numbers are due to your venue.
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
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    raeah219 said:
    RedJacks25 said:
    Also, it sounds like you're planning to send out your invites way too early. RSVPs won't be coming back "a few months before the wedding"--they'll be coming back a couple of weeks before, as you should send out your invites 6-8 weeks before the wedding.
    Ok. So when do I send out invites? My wedding is March 28 2015 so I was going to send out invites January 1 2015. Too soon?
    Yes, way too soon. I would send them out in mid-February 2015.

    Invites should be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding.  Your RSVP date should be 7-10 days before your vendors need their final headcounts (usually about a week before the wedding).
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  • raeah219raeah219 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Now I'm understanding why people do STDs. I wasnt doing STDs because they seemed pointless to me, but now I understand because some of my guests need more than 6 weeks notice about the wedding, but I dont want to send my invites too early. Thanks ladies. 
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  • TheGrimReaperTheGrimReaper member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary

    Yes, you could definitely send out STDs about 6 months before. Invites are 6-8 weeks, and I really recommend doing 8 if only because the postal service is AWFUL.  We sent ours out at 8 and 2 weeks later some people IN THE SAME TOWN still hadn't received them.  But they never came back either.

     

    We sent a STD to a friend of FI's and his then-girlfriend.  They broke up.  When invites went out, we only sent it to FI's friend.  He's not dating anyone new.

     

    Plus, if you send out your invites 6-8 weeks before and not 3 months before, you're less likely to run into the issue of people breaking up between receiving the invite and the wedding.  Good luck!

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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    raeah219 said:
    Now I'm understanding why people do STDs. I wasnt doing STDs because they seemed pointless to me, but now I understand because some of my guests need more than 6 weeks notice about the wedding, but I dont want to send my invites too early. Thanks ladies. 
    Keep in mind that anyone who receives a STD absolutely MUST be invited to the wedding (assuming they haven't assaulted you or pose a threat to your guests).  You don't have to send EVERYONE on your guest list a STD.  Keep it to your VIPS and family that you know that you are inviting.

    A lot can happen with friendships and your budget between sending out STD and invites.  Not sending one out to everyone can protect you.
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  • mimiphinmimiphin member
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    AprilH81 said:
    leelabear said:

    Address it to John and Guest. It should be up to him who he wants to invite when it gets closer.

    If they break up and Nikki isn't already a good friend to you or your fiance, she should probably know that it would be inappropriate to still attend. I don't think a second invite is needed.

    No...  If you know that John and Nikki are dating you address the invitation to both of them.

    John and Guest should only be used if John is single and you are allowing him to bring anyone he wants (friend, brother, mother, anyone).
    Agreed! I was a BM in a wedding and my invitation said to Mimiphin and Guest, and it was the biggest slap in the face ever! My BF and I (now FI) had been living together for over 2 years and I just felt like he wasn't welcome or they were hoping I would bring someone else.

    There were other issues I had with the wedding, SO's were not invited to the rehearsal dinner- even if I paid for his meal! (I ended up no going, partly due to that and partly due to I was sick)

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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    "When you know better, you do better."

    I love that! :)
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
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    raeah219 said:
    Thank you. I think its ridiculous to ask people for advice and  then refuse to listen. I also think its ridiculous not to listen to ppl who know more about a topic than you do. I'm not very etiquette savvy, so I ask and I research lol. My mom always says "when you know better, you do better" thank yall for helping me do better. 
    Your mom is a smart lady.  Sounds like you take after her.
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  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    raeah219 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    You've already gotten a lot of good advice, so I will just say this:

    Thank you for listening. We get lots of brides on these boards who are unwilling to budge. They've decided they are or are not going to do something, no matter how much it might hurt people, and nothing anyone says will change their minds.

    You are trying to do the right thing, and that is awesome.
    Thank you. I think its ridiculous to ask people for advice and  then refuse to listen. I also think its ridiculous not to listen to ppl who know more about a topic than you do. I'm not very etiquette savvy, so I ask and I research lol. My mom always says "when you know better, you do better" thank yall for helping me do better. 
    I like you...stick around!
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