Wedding Party

One of my bridesmaids won't be able to attend the wedding. Help!

My fiance and I origionally had our wedding scheduled for May of next year, but he's starting graduate school in September and won't have any spare time for wedding things leading up to May. So we talked about moving the wedding up to a week before the quarter starts and before we could make any kind of official announcement to our wedding party, one of my bridesmaids tells me she's pregnant and due in September. She lives in a different state and wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. She's being difficult and asking me to keep my origional date even though it's not good for my fiance and I. I feel like a horrible friend for wanting to keep it in September. What should I do? She's been one of my best friends since high school and I was just a bridesmaid in her wedding last year.

Re: One of my bridesmaids won't be able to attend the wedding. Help!

  • ldsylva said:

    My fiance and I origionally had our wedding scheduled for May of next year, but he's starting graduate school in September and won't have any spare time for wedding things leading up to May. So we talked about moving the wedding up to a week before the quarter starts and before we could make any kind of official announcement to our wedding party, one of my bridesmaids tells me she's pregnant and due in September. She lives in a different state and wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. She's being difficult and asking me to keep my origional date even though it's not good for my fiance and I. I feel like a horrible friend for wanting to keep it in September. What should I do? She's been one of my best friends since high school and I was just a bridesmaid in her wedding last year.

    Don't feel like a horrible friend....at all.  This is you and FI's wedding, so you have to do what works best for YOU.  It's unfortunate that the timing does not work out for her, but she may have to miss the wedding.  Personally, I think it is rude of her to even think that you would keep your date just to fit her needs.  Pregnant or not.

     

  • If she can't attend, then she can't attend. You and your FI are the ones who decide which date works for the two of you. If the week before his semester starts is when is best, then go for it. It is nice of you to consider her feelings and I definitely understand you wanting her there. I'm sure she wants to be there for you and she is probably upset about not being able to make it as well. Sometimes life happens, unfortunately, and it is impossible to please everyone. To be fair, when she agreed to be a bridesmaid she agreed to the date you had set initially, but you have every right to change that date. Is there any way that maybe she is just asking you to keep the original date because she feels you will be mad at her for not being there?
  • She's the type of person who will get mad at me because I changed it and hold a grudge. I don't know if I should just burn the bridge and tell her tough cookies, or save the original date and make it hard on my fiance and I.
  • ldsylva said:
    She's the type of person who will get mad at me because I changed it and hold a grudge. I don't know if I should just burn the bridge and tell her tough cookies, or save the original date and make it hard on my fiance and I.
    Don't do the bolded.  If she gets mad at you and holds a grudge because you changed the date because it didn't work for you and your FI, she's acting like the baby she's going to have, and you may well be better off without her in your life.
  • You guys rock! That you for the backup. After discussing with all my other bridesmaids, we've come to the conclusion that the wedding will be held in September! Eeeek! I better get going with all the other planning, all I have done is my dress and accessories.
  • This is exactly what Honorary Bridesmaid is for: someone who would be a bridesmaid but can't be at the wedding because of extenuating circumstances.  

    It sucks that your wedding will be at a time when she can't travel, but she'll have to get over it.  Just as it would be absurd for you to expect her to plan her pregnancy around your wedding, it is absurd for her to expect you to plan your wedding around her pregnancy.  Part of living in 2014 and having friends out of town means that you can't always be there for the important things in each others' lives.  If she can't be happy for you because she can't be there, she's not much of a friend at all.  
  • You get one wedding (hopefully!), so you need to do work works best for you and your fiancé. It's about the two of you, not about her. Like someone else said, that's exactly what "Honorary Bridesmaids" are for. Honestly, it's rude for her to even suggest something like that. It's YOUR day. Do what makes the two of you happy, not anyone else.
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