Trouble choosing MOH

Re: Trouble choosing MOH

• artbyallie mod

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  centennialbride said: Hi everyone...
  I'm stuck in a pickle. My only sister and I are not that close. We see each other about once a year and don't get along too well. I love her very much, but she can be a challenging personality. I'm getting married in 2015 and have an idea of who I want my bridesmaids to be. My sister is included in it. The problem is that I feel that choosing her as a MOH would be a good reason only because it would be easy to explain, no one would gossip on why I wouldn't choose her, and I also know that she and I will be sisters forever. The problem is that she not only doesn't seem excited for my wedding, but that she also is a challenging personality. It's rough. I don't want her giving a speech because she is known to be mean. At my engagement party she kept egging on people to embarrass the bride (only she was into it, no one else was playing along) and making snide comments about how much weddings cost. 
  Do you guys think it would work if I chose her as my MOH, but had someone else do the speech and some of the official duties?
  
  ETA: OMG, Knot, why do my quotes always mess up???
  
  
  The good news is, there are no 'official duties' for a MOH apart from getting a dress and wearing it while smiling for pictures. She doesn't have to plan parties, give a speech, or anything else. She may certainly choose to do so, if she so desires, but it is not a requirement.

  
  

  Wait until 9-12 months before your wedding to ask anyone to be in it. Do not expect anyone to be as excited as you are about it.

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  February 2014

  If your wedding isn't until 2015, you have some time.  You shouldn't ask anyone to be in the WP until about 6-9 months out.  

  
  

  There are no duties for the MOH, except for standing up in the agreed upon dress, smiling for photos, and maybe holding your bouquet during the ring exchange.  If your friends want to give toasts or throw showers, they will do so whether they are MOH, BM, or guests.  But don't ask a MOH based on how excited someone is for your wedding.  It's more than a year away, and no one should be that excited yet.  

  
  

  Your MOH should be your closest friend.  In some families it is expected that your sister is your closest friend and therefore your MOH.  If you don't feel that close to your sister, you shouldn't feel obligated to ask her out of tradition.  That said, if your only hesitation is that you don't think she is excited enough or won't give a great toast, it may not be worth it to buck tradition if it will cause family drama.  Those things are not MOH criteria.  

  
  

  It's also perfectly fine to have multiple or no MOHs.  You could just ask everyone to be BM and avoid the issue altogether.  

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• AddieCake member

  

  February 2014

  If you're not that close, then no, I wouldn't ask her to be your MOH. I wouldn't even ask her to be in the wedding party, frankly.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• mimiphin member

  

  February 2014

  In my neck of the woods the only difference between MOH and BM is the MOH signs the marriage license.
  If that's not how its done and you don't want a MOH then just don't pick anyone. 
  

  

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• afterimage member

  

  February 2014

  It sounds like the two of you aren't very close and it sounds like you two don't get along very well, either.  I would not choose her.  Do you really want somebody who might do something mean or embarrassing to you on your wedding day to be your MOH?  In fact, I second what @AddieL73 said - she doesn't really need to be in the wedding party at all.

  
  

  Choose somebody who you are close to and who will be supportive of you.  It sounds like your sister fills neither of these criteria.
  

  
  

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• Alexandrathgr8 member

  

  February 2014

  Whatever you choose to do, Make sure you don't ignore your gut. I asked someone to be in my bridal party because I kind of felt guilted into it(she literally said to me "I better be in your wedding party") and now i am regretting it and want her out- but as you may have seen in many previous posts, doing so is difficult and an irreversible decision... if you aren't comfortable or having second thoughts DON'T DO IT... your wedding and the year leading up to your wedding should be centered around the excitement of planning and such.. not anxiety over regretting a decision.
  
  good luck!
  

  

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• MollyandD member

  

  February 2014

  I have two sisters who are bridesmaids and a best friend that is my maid of honor. I don't know if anyone who heard about it thought it was weird, since I sadly cannot read minds, but I feel ok with my decision.

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• vmj23 member

  

  February 2014

  i'm not having any MOH. I have 3 bridesmaids, all of equal relation to me and didn't want to have to "pick" one over the other.   do whatever you want, there are no rules.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  February 2014

  My sister and I weren't very close growing up.  We fought constantly.  We only didn't start getting along until we moved out and we didn't live together anymore.  So by the time my wedding came around she was my co-MOH along with my BFF.  But if our relationship hadn't improved, I would have had no problem having her as just a BM.

  
  

  With the relationship you describe, I would only have her as a BM.  I'm sure your family knows that the two of you aren't super close and that's why she isn't MOH.  Stop over thinking this.

  
  

  And listen to PP, don't ask your WP until closer to your wedding.

  

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