Bean dip, anyone? It's delicious... are you sure?

themuffinman16 · February 2014

I went to my FI's aunt's birthday party. Sometimes I feel like his aunts like me, and I have a lot of fun, and other times I just feel awkward. I have been getting this question a lot. But people have asked me if my family is contributing towards the wedding. My step-mom bought me my dress, but I can't tell anyone that, in case it gets back to my mother (she would be insanely hurt). My mom is disabled and can't afford to chip in (nor do I expect it). My mother gets upset if my step-mom helps me out because she can't afford to do the same. And my father isn't even coming to the wedding (so no help there. lol). I feel like it is my decision to get married and it is rude to expect anyone to help me pay for a choice in my life. If they want to help... we would be very appreciative! If they can't help or don't want to, it is perfectly fine. I feel like it is a very rude question to ask who is helping me pay for the wedding. What would you say?

phira · February 2014

If someone asks you about who's paying for the wedding, I'd very politely but directly say, "I'm sorry, I'd rather not talk about that. It's private. Anyway ..."

Not that you should be sorry, or that you even ARE sorry. It's just a very clear, polite way of saying, "This topic is off-limits," without having to explain it.

Weesh · February 2014

I'm not sure what makes that topic free game for some people. Is it because of tradition? Etiquette? A combination of both? I don't hear anyone asking my fiance that question, but I've been asked several times.

No one asks me how I paid for dinner on a Friday night, or where I got money to buy a new purse from so it boggles my mind that people still ask about costs specifically when it comes to weddings. I'd say exactly what @phira said, something along the lines of I'd rather not discuss that, it's between my fiance and myself and then bean dip, hard.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I'm with Phira on this one! Just give a direct "it's off limits" answer and then proceed to bean dip. I find it rude when people ask that kind of a question...what does it matter to them!

sarahufl · February 2014

Never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be. Just change the subject.

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

Dear Abby, while not the best on etiquette always suggested turning the question back around to someone. Try saying, "Why do you want to know?" It turns the rudeness back onto the question asker. It might make them think and realize its an inappropriate question to ask someone. If they still insist. Tell them it's a private matter and you won't discuss this.

Jen4948 · February 2014

You can say, "If you'll forgive me for not answering such a private question, I'll forgive you for asking it." This is a reply offered by the late Ann Landers to personal questions.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

I like turning it back on them, either asking 'Why do you want to know?' or asking them an equally personal question and I'd they get offended saying, 'Oh, I thought we were asking personal questions.'

sarahufl · February 2014

When people are rude to me, I sometimes like to be rude back. I once broke my leg and a COMPLETE stranger at the mall looked at me and said "what the hell did you do to yourself, you need to be more careful" I told him I had a birth defect and that it wasn't his business. He felt terrible, but I doubt he ever asked strangers questions like that again.

Ask her who paid for her house

jdluvr06 · February 2014

I would probably just answer. I know that some people consider it rude, and I guess it is, I know I wouldn't ask about it but if it was family (I already consider my FILs family) then I wouldn't think twice about answering. If it was a friend or co-worker I'd probably tell them it is private.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

I've given answers of prayer, embezzling from my company, and bank robbery. I find it such a ridiculous thing to ask someone that I can't help but give a ridiculous answer.

singinchick13 · February 2014

"Oh, you'd like to make a contribution? I assume that's why you're asking, otherwise it would be a very inappropriate question." Smile innocently and see how quickly her face turns beet red

Jen4948 · February 2014

singinchick13 said:

"Oh, you'd like to make a contribution? I assume that's why you're asking, otherwise it would be a very inappropriate question." Smile innocently and see how quickly her face turns beet red

I love this answer!!!

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

I like a combination of turning it back on them & Cookie's answer: "Oh, we actually robbed a bank a couple weeks after we got engaged. Why do you ask?" End of conversation, guarantee it.

In all seriousness, I always love the method of turning it back on someone and making them explain themselves. I used to be a social worker and one of the skills we relied on was to ask clients "Why do you say that?" It gets them to stop, rethink about what they just said, and take responsibility for their words. This is great to do in any setting. People speak and act so impulsively, it's annoying.

phira · February 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

I've given answers of prayer, embezzling from my company, and bank robbery. I find it such a ridiculous thing to ask someone that I can't help but give a ridiculous answer.

YES THIS IS THE BEST IDEA.

blabla89 · February 2014

I had a boss once who would respond to any rude or overly personal question by saying, "I beg your pardon?" with a raised eyebrow and then just stare at the person for a moment. Worked every time.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

I'd tell them I sell other peoples kidneys on the black market and make hella bank! Would you like to be our next doner?

Teddy917 · February 2014

I'd say "Yes my family is contributing. They are spending time and money to get there. That is the most important contribution."
Or
"Yes they contributed to the wedding. They contributed one of the most important parts." "Me. And Fi's family is contributing him. Other than a JOP (or something of the sort), that's all we really need. Anything else we are proud to say we're providing ourselves."

offthemarket915 · February 2014

"I like turning it back on them, either asking 'Why do you want to know?' or asking them an equally personal question and I'd they get offended saying, 'Oh, I thought we were asking personal questions.' "

This was my reply to a similar thread recently that I would have used here, but was beat to the punch.

happymellow · February 2014

I think I'd say something like "My entire family has been so incredibly supportive." Or something vague that doesn't address the money issue. It's weird though that people think this is okay to ask.

marshmallow1982 · February 2014

It's rude to talk about money in a social situation.

I would just say "oh it's all sorted" or something like that.

Bean dip, anyone? It's delicious... are you sure?

Re: Bean dip, anyone? It's delicious... are you sure?

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