My finace has 3 young kids and we want to do something with them during the ceremony to unite all of us as a family. We don't want to use candles because of the kids' ages and I don't love the idea of sand. What are some things we could do that would be fun and meaningful for both us and the little ones?
Re: Kid friendly unity ideas
But don't use the ceremony to give them gifts or exchange vows or promises with them. They don't have any control over whether or not you and their father stay married, so doing anything with them "to unite all of us as a family" should not be done during the ceremony but in private, if at all.
Why not? What if your marriage doesn't work out? Thank goodness I declined to do this for my mother's marriages! How would the children's other parents feel about their pledging vows to a "new family"? How about the grandparents? This is a big can of worms. I've been there!
Keep your vows between the two of you, as is customary at a wedding. You can have a private celebration with the children at another time.
Our pastor suggested having a "family birthday" celebration on a date that's not the same as your wedding/anniversary. It's private with just us, something special and memorable, and something we could do every year to celebrate, like a birthday. We haven't set it up completely yet, but we're thinking maybe going on an overnight/weekend camping trip, or possibly just a picnic at the beach. We may have cake and probably a special drink (sparkling cider), and we'll have a necklace or bracelet to give him to signify the joining of our families.
This is just something that should not be done at a wedding. In private you can make all the promises you want, but don't do this to kids or make them do it in front of others.
Tell that to my ex-stepfathers! I haven't talked to them in over 30 years. Yeah, they were going to be my new father, and love me forever! That sure taught me about lying men. It still hurts.
Don't do this to your children!
1) I think that including very vague family wording in vows is acceptable (but don't mention "your kids" or "i promise to love lucy, jake and emma" etc)
2) I agree - give them a special gift before the wedding. Again, knowing their ages would help. Can you take them out to a fun place for dinner or make them a nice meal and spend some good quality time with them?
3) Can you nclude them on a mini-moon right after the wedding and delay/postpone your honey moon a few weeks to a few months? It will make them feel special.
If this is a promise you're suggesting the couple makes, the second part is not great.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."