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Proper etiquette on response cards

MalloryGoeddeMalloryGoedde member
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
I am having a reception that is about 30 minutes away from our church wedding. I am sure that some of our guests won't be up for the trip up to the reception and we really wanted an accurate head count for the reception, as the cost per plate adds up quickly. Would it be in poor taste to include a place to respond to both the wedding and the reception individually on our response cards to get an accurate count for who all will be at each. I am afraid if we just have one, people will respond yes, even though they are just coming to the wedding. Any advice or ideas? Thanks!
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Re: Proper etiquette on response cards

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Why wouldn't these people be up for a 30 minute trip?
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Although I have never done it, I can't imagine RSVP'ing to the ceremony only.  You don't really need to RSVP simply to attend the ceremony.  If I thought I might do that, I would respond "decline" on the RSVP.  

    Having said that, a guest could simply write their intentions on the RSVP card.

    You will know which guests plan on attending both by virtue of their meal selection on the RSVP card.

    A 30 minute trip between the ceremony and the reception shouldn't really be an issue.  It is well within a reasonable distance.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why would 30 minutes keep people from going to the reception? I think you're very wrong in this assumption. That said, if someone is only able to make it to the ceremony, they will likely decline "no" and write on the response card, "I'm unable to make the reception but I'm excited to join you for your ceremony!" or something to that effect, I'd think. One person did that for our wedding... They had two weddings that day so they attended my ceremony, the other person's reception.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If I RSVP to a wedding I plan on going to the whole thing, not just part of it.

    And 30 minutes is really nothing for travelling.  If people don't want to travel that distance between the ceremony and reception then they will just not come at all.

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  • silver0319silver0319 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with PPs, however, I did just receive and invitation where the RSVP had something like this: 

    ____ Will attend ceremony only
    ____ Will attend reception only
    ____ Will attend ceremony and reception
    ____ Will not be able to attend
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MalloryGoedde said:

    I am having a reception that is about 30 minutes away from our church wedding. I am sure that some of our guests won't be up for the trip up to the reception and we really wanted an accurate head count for the reception, as the cost per plate adds up quickly. Would it be in poor taste to include a place to respond to both the wedding and the reception individually on our response cards to get an accurate count for who all will be at each. I am afraid if we just have one, people will respond yes, even though they are just coming to the wedding. Any advice or ideas? Thanks!


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    30 minutes is about the average amount of time that people need to travel from the ceremony venue to the reception venue when they're not at the same place.

    I think it makes more sense to just have one RSVP for the whole thing.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2014
    mobkaz said:
    Although I have never done it, I can't imagine RSVP'ing to the ceremony only.  You don't really need to RSVP simply to attend the ceremony.  If I thought I might do that, I would respond "decline" on the RSVP.  

    Having said that, a guest could simply write their intentions on the RSVP card.

    You will know which guests plan on attending both by virtue of their meal selection on the RSVP card.

    A 30 minute trip between the ceremony and the reception shouldn't really be an issue.  It is well within a reasonable distance.
    It's a good idea to let the bride and groom know that you plan to attend the ceremony (but not the reception) so they can have enough chairs. This may not be necessary for a church wedding, but if it's at the same venue as the reception, than it is necessary to RSVP to the ceremony.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would side eye anyone not willing to go 30 minutes to the reception.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    laurynm84 said:
    mobkaz said:
    Although I have never done it, I can't imagine RSVP'ing to the ceremony only.  You don't really need to RSVP simply to attend the ceremony.  If I thought I might do that, I would respond "decline" on the RSVP.  

    Having said that, a guest could simply write their intentions on the RSVP card.

    You will know which guests plan on attending both by virtue of their meal selection on the RSVP card.

    A 30 minute trip between the ceremony and the reception shouldn't really be an issue.  It is well within a reasonable distance.
    It's a good idea to let the bride and groom know that you plan to attend the ceremony (but not the reception) so they can have enough chairs. This may not be necessary for a church wedding, but if it's at the same venue as the reception, than it is necessary to RSVP to the ceremony.
    Agreed, in hindsight.  I have only attended two secular services.  I was thinking of church ceremonies where seating is not an issue.  My other consideration was that typically no cost is incurred to the bride and groom as regards the ceremony portion of the program, and so, no need to respond from that POV.


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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's understood that the RSVP is for the reception.  Most people know that they are RSVPing for the meal.

    Your meal selection should tip people off.  If there is anyone who is planning to attend the ceremony only, they'll write that in on the RSVP.  
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2014
    MyNameIsNot said:
    It's understood that the RSVP is for the reception.  Most people know that they are RSVPing for the meal.

    Your meal selection should tip people off.  If there is anyone who is planning to attend the ceremony only, they'll write that in on the RSVP.  
    You do realize that not everyone has a meal selection on their RSVP. Yes, most people know that the RSVP is for the reception, but as I said before, it's important to let the host know that you are coming to the ceremony only so they have enough seats for everyone. Also, common sense is not that common! :)

    ETA: typos
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  • TandksmommyTandksmommy member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I had a conflict with a wedding I was invited to, but I wanted to see my friend exchanging her vows. I simply replied yes on the RSVP but then because I work with her, explained that she did not need to include us for the reception. Probably broke some etiquette rules, but I wanted to be there for her big day but was unable to make the reception.
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