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A way to honor a relative?

RJD5RJD5 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My wedding in March is also the 3 year anniversary of my cousin's death (I wasn't originally planning on this date, but my brother and FI's brother go to school out of town and due to spring break differences couldn't make the original date - so this was the date that worked best.

It would feel....weird for me to celebrate this date without seemingly giving a thought to my cousin - we were very close and he was a huge part of all of my family's life.

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to honor him on that day. I don't necessarily want to do anything huge; I don't want to make his family uncomfortable or seem as though I'm not honoring any other family members that have passed (my great-grandmother passed away a year ago a few days before our wedding date and I've also lost my great grandfather and my grandpa).

Does anyone have any idea of subtle things that can be done?
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Re: A way to honor a relative?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Do it in private with your family.  Don't do it at the ceremony or the reception.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    There is a fine line between having a wedding and having a memorial service again. Do something privately, if you wish, but nothing of a public nature.
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  • SheMarie82SheMarie82 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    We are just having a sign for all those loved ones, with a candle, it says, "we know you would be here, if heaven weren't so far away".  It will  not have any attention drawn to it, but we will know that it is there and so are those special people.
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  • offthemarket915offthemarket915 member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Comment First Anniversary

    The best way I've seen this done was a hurricane glass candle holder, etched to say "In loving memory of so&so.  It was a nice way to do it that wasn't somber or create too much negative energy.

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  • OnionBreathOnionBreath member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm buying about 10 custom marble tiles on etsy that will have images transferred on them of my fiance and I going back to childhood and through college and one of our e-photos. They will stand on little easels. One of them has my grandmother and I in it (she has passed), one will have my fiance's brother with him (who passed when they were children) and another one will simply be lyrics from a Johnny Cash song that she would've appreciated:

    "If we’re ever parted
    I will keep the tie that binds us
    And I’ll never let it break
    ’Cause I love you

    She loooooved Johnny Cash.  This will go by the guest book and just be there, blending in.
    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    OnionBreath said:
    I'm buying about 10 custom marble tiles on etsy that will have images transferred on them of my fiance and I going back to childhood and through college and one of our e-photos. They will stand on little easels. One of them has my grandmother and I in it (she has passed), one will have my fiance's brother with him (who passed when they were children) and another one will simply be lyrics from a Johnny Cash song that she would've appreciated:

    "If we’re ever parted
    I will keep the tie that binds us
    And I’ll never let it break
    ’Cause I love you

    She loooooved Johnny Cash.  This will go by the guest book and just be there, blending in.
    Putting this on an easel may be too unsubtle.  You might want to position them in a less in-your-face way.  Remember, this isn't a memorial service.
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  • tcnobletcnoble member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    This has come up on many threads before... and the opinions always vary.

    Would it be considered "too much" to have a table with photos of those no longer with us, with the candle and sign that says something along the lines of ""we know you would be here, if heaven weren't so far away" ... with no other attention drawn to it, its just... there.

    Too much?? Just right??
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    First, sorry for the loss of your cousin. I know how tough that can be.

    I always vote for a subtle nod over a big to-do. My cousin died a few years ago and her sister is getting married this spring. They are carrying tulips, which were my cousin's favorite flowers. It is a great way to honor her that those of us who knew her well will understand. To everyone else, they will just be pretty.

    She would not have wanted a big thing, and we don't want that to overshadow the happy occasion of other cousin's wedding.

    Did your cousin have a favorite song, color, flower, food?
    image
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  • RJD5RJD5 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for the replies - I do like the candle idea. All of our music for the pre-ceremony is going to be on a CD, so I thought about making the first song that plays one that he likes and would have wanted to hear.
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