Bridesmaid dress dilemia

caramen17 · February 2014

I have 6 girls in the bridal party, and it's been really difficult to get them to purchase their dresses! None of them wanted to give much input during the selection process, so I went with a $250 J. Crew dress that I really liked. I warned the girls that the dresses were more expensive than most the other options, but that they were on sale for 30% off around Christmas. Only one of them bought it on sale, and now (almost two months later) she is still the only one that bought the dress! They say they are waiting for another sale, but there hasn't been one again. I don't know what to do - I feel guilty for choosing a dress that they are reluctant to buy, but now I'm getting antsy that they will run out of stock or something. Should I just choose a different, more affordable dress? Or crack down and tell them they need to purchase by a certain date. Afterall, I gave them plenty of notice for when they were on sale!!

pinkshorts27 · February 2014

did you ask them their budget before you selected a dress? 250 is really a lot for a dress, but if you asked them a budget and stayed within their budget, then they need to purchase it. If you didn't ask their budget, maybe you should rethink them having matching dresses or offer to pay for part of it.

AddieCake · February 2014

You should ask each girl privately for her budget and then choose a dress that comes in under the lowest price point. If you did that, then fine. If not, you shouldn't be expecting them to buy such an expensive dress.

mlg78 · February 2014

I'll go ahead and assume you didn't ask each girl individually how much they can afford for a dress. This is not an easy discussion to have but it's the reason you're in the predicament you're in right now. I certainly wouldn't be able to be in your wedding if you chose a $250 dress -- even at 30% off! I think you need to speak to each girl individually and start over and ask their budget. It may be too late for some of them, however.

delujm0 · February 2014

I went with J. Crew dresses as well...my BMs refused to give me a budget even when I asked them. 3/4 of them ordered during a 30% off sale online (these happen about monthly), and one of them found a used one on eBay and bought that for like $50. When is the wedding? You don't need to order these until about 4-6 weeks out if you know your size - they arrive almost immediately (within a week), which gives you plenty of time for alterations if necessary.

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

caramen17 said:

I have 6 girls in the bridal party, and it's been really difficult to get them to purchase their dresses! None of them wanted to give much input during the selection process, so I went with a $250 J. Crew dress that I really liked. I warned the girls that the dresses were more expensive than most the other options, but that they were on sale for 30% off around Christmas. Only one of them bought it on sale, and now (almost two months later) she is still the only one that bought the dress! They say they are waiting for another sale, but there hasn't been one again. I don't know what to do - I feel guilty for choosing a dress that they are reluctant to buy, but now I'm getting antsy that they will run out of stock or something. Should I just choose a different, more affordable dress? Or crack down and tell them they need to purchase by a certain date. Afterall, I gave them plenty of notice for when they were on sale!!

Asking anyone to spend $250 around Christmas time is a lot of money on top of any normal Christmas purchases most people make. When is your wedding? And are they ok spending $250 on a BM, because I would not! You should ask them for their budget and select a dress within that budget. Since this is J Crew, your one BM should be able to return the dress for a full refund within 90 days.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

Not only would I not spend $250 on a BM dress UNLESS I was in love with it and I could wear it again and again as a cocktail dress, but I would never buy a BM dress w/o being able to try it on 1st and make sure it didn't look awful on me. . . which you cannot do with the J. Crew dresses unless you live in the NYC area.

A friend of mine had to buy what was a lovely J.Crew BM dress on the models online for her cousins wedding, and when it came in and she tried it on, it made her look like she was 8 months pregnant! It had a deep V-neck in the front and back that met at an empire waist and then had a lot of runching at the waist in front and back.

They used so much damn, stiff fabric in the runching that the dress stuck out like 2 feet off her body, seriously. It was ridiculous. My mother altered it for her by taking out a huge amount of fabric from the runched areas.

OP, give the other BM's the option to purchase cheaper, coordinating dresses.

jenna8984 · February 2014

I agree with the other posters here....I'm not a big fan "I chose THIS dress, you must wear it". I think everyone is a whole lot happier when the bride says "I'd really you to pick out a long, chiffon dress in ocean mist color". Then each BM can select the fit and neckline she is comfortable with. They can also look in the sale racks and find one for $40 that meet those standards or if they want they can get one for $200 that meet those standards.

antoto · February 2014

delujm0 said:

I went with J. Crew dresses as well...my BMs refused to give me a budget even when I asked them. 3/4 of them ordered during a 30% off sale online (these happen about monthly), and one of them found a used one on eBay and bought that for like $50. When is the wedding? You don't need to order these until about 4-6 weeks out if you know your size - they arrive almost immediately (within a week), which gives you plenty of time for alterations if necessary.

I feel like this is really good advice.

For some people 250 is a ridiculous price, for others it is no big deal. None of us know your maids - you do. What do YOU think? Was it the price, or is it just them forgetting about it? The dress I got my maids was under their budget, easy to buy, and they STILL put it off simply because my wedding was not the first thing on their minds when they had free time - like all other normal people. I had to give them a specific "it has been suggested that we put in an order before" date.

I think we need more info? If your maids are in college or fresh out, or are just a little tight on money then it may be the price, but otherwise it may simply be that they need a very nice, friendly, well worded reminder.

MairePoppy · February 2014

That's an expensive bm dress you chose. I'm going to assume you didn't get a budget from each bm, since they are waiting for a sale.

1. You could offer to offset the cost of the dresses by paying 30% for the bms. That means you contribute $75 for each dress that is ordered by X date (the date the store tells you is the last date to order). Don't forget the bm who already paid for her dress.

or

2. Start over. Buy the J.Crew dress from the bm who already purchased her dress. You now own a cocktail dress that you love. You could wear it to your RD or sell it. Now, with the lowest budget in mind, select a new bm dress. If you have a large wedding party, this is your best option.

jneen101 · February 2014

What price did the girls say they were comfortable with before you went shopping?

caramen17 · February 2014

Thanks for the advice everyone - just some things to clarify. I did talk with everyone about their budget, and the J.Crew dress on sale came to 175$ (which brought it down to the same price as the others). And I purchased "samples" of 4 different dresses for every girl to try on (and returned them, courtesy of J. Crew and Nordstrom's great return policy). So they all tried them on, and literally no one was speaking up about budget and/or preference.

Anyway, J. Crew has them on sale again!! So the girls are jumping on it now. I think the timing was poor before - it was right around Christmas.

Thanks again!

jenniferurs · February 2014

I'm going to need to hop on one of these sales events. I'm the MOH in a wedding where the bridesmaid dresses are the $365 J Crew ones.

delujm0 · February 2014

jenniferurs said:

I'm going to need to hop on one of these sales events. I'm the MOH in a wedding where the bridesmaid dresses are the $365 J Crew ones.

That's really expensive...you should try eBay, lots of dresses that have only been worn once at pretty steep discounts. Just put in "J Crew (model name) (color)" and some should pop up. You just have to dry clean and alter them and you're good to go.

jenniferurs · February 2014

delujm0 said:

jenniferurs said:

I'm going to need to hop on one of these sales events. I'm the MOH in a wedding where the bridesmaid dresses are the $365 J Crew ones.

That's really expensive...you should try eBay, lots of dresses that have only been worn once at pretty steep discounts. Just put in "J Crew (model name) (color)" and some should pop up. You just have to dry clean and alter them and you're good to go.

Good tip! Thanks!

jneen101 · February 2014

caramen17 said:

Thanks for the advice everyone - just some things to clarify. I did talk with everyone about their budget, and the J.Crew dress on sale came to 175$ (which brought it down to the same price as the others). And I purchased "samples" of 4 different dresses for every girl to try on (and returned them, courtesy of J. Crew and Nordstrom's great return policy). So they all tried them on, and literally no one was speaking up about budget and/or preference.

Anyway, J. Crew has them on sale again!! So the girls are jumping on it now. I think the timing was poor before - it was right around Christmas.

Thanks again!

So their budgets were $175?

lucinda6 · February 2014

Have you suggested to the BM's if you contact the store and see if they can work a deal out if all the rest buy the dress at a certain time that they can give them the sale price? Stores usually like to work with customers on cost if it means they sell x-amount more dresses.

Bridesmaid dress dilemia

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