Daughters of the Groom

scrcrwtfj · February 2014

My fiance and I will be getting married in June, and his 2 daughters (8 and 10) will be up front with us. They will escort their father down the aisle, and I will be making vows to them and presenting them each with a token of my love.

I am having one attendant, a MOH, who is wearing sage green. We have 1 official and 2 honorary (cause they're to young) flower girls who are wearing peachy/pink. My dress is champagne, and the groom is wearing grey.

My question is this: how to dress his daughters? Should they mirror me in champagne (harsh for little girls in summer? They are very fair)? Mirror their father in silver (also harsh for fair little girls in summer?) or should they be dressed as mini-bridesmaids? Or bigger flower girls? They have expressed little opinion beyond wanting to "look like princesses".

Senecaf · February 2014

You've got a lot of colors going on there. Where will they be standing during the ceremony?

chibiyui · February 2014

I don't like it when little girls are dressed similar to brides. I'd recommend matching the BM's or matching the FG's. Color is always nice on little girls.

Also, unsolicited opinion, I don't think it is appropriate to make vows/promises to the girls during the wedding ceremony. I understand that it's coming from a good place in your heart, and that you do truly want to be a good step-mother, but it can set an awkward tone for your relationship with them and their extended family. If you want to make promises to the girls, it should be done in private, and not in conjunction to your relationship to their father.

Signed,
Step-kid.

doeydo · February 2014

I think the sage green might be best. I presume they would be standing on their father's side as groomsmaids/groom escorts?
I don't think you should be making any vows to them or give them presents during the ceremony, though. You and your fiance (both adults) are marrying each other, you are not marrying his children. They have no choice in the fact that you two are marrying. Yes, I know that they will be your step-children, but what happens if a few years from now you and your fiance divorce? Also, it can be offensive to the kids' other side of the family (their mom, mom's parents, etc.) that you are making a new family/trying to replace their mom.

CMGragain · February 2014

scrcrwtfj said:

My fiance and I will be getting married in June, and his 2 daughters (8 and 10) will be up front with us. They will escort their father down the aisle, and I will be making vows to them and presenting them each with a token of my love.

I am having one attendant, a MOH, who is wearing sage green. We have 1 official and 2 honorary (cause they're to young) flower girls who are wearing peachy/pink. My dress is champagne, and the groom is wearing grey.

My question is this: how to dress his daughters? Should they mirror me in champagne (harsh for little girls in summer? They are very fair)? Mirror their father in silver (also harsh for fair little girls in summer?) or should they be dressed as mini-bridesmaids? Or bigger flower girls? They have expressed little opinion beyond wanting to "look like princesses".

Forget about the colors. The wedding is between the two of you. The children are not getting married - you are! Please don't "include" them in vows. This would be very inappropriate. The gifts are fine, as long as it isn't done publicly.
I've been through this with my own mother, who had bad luck and terrible taste in men. I'm so glad I refused to do this with my ex-step father. (Oh, yeah! He was going to be my new father and love me forever. I haven't seen the SOB in 25 years.) Please don't do it!

AddieCake · February 2014

I agree it is inappropriate to make vows to children during a wedding. A wedding is a ceremony to wed 2 people, not to blend or bond a family. I don't understand what an honorary flower girl is, either. One either is or is not something. What exactly will they do as "honorary flower girls"? Nothing? Then they are just guests. As for the daughters, the green would be nice.

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

scrcrwtfj said:

My fiance and I will be getting married in June, and his 2 daughters (8 and 10) will be up front with us. They will escort their father down the aisle, and I will be making vows to them and presenting them each with a token of my love.

I am having one attendant, a MOH, who is wearing sage green. We have 1 official and 2 honorary (cause they're to young) flower girls who are wearing peachy/pink. My dress is champagne, and the groom is wearing grey.

My question is this: how to dress his daughters? Should they mirror me in champagne (harsh for little girls in summer? They are very fair)? Mirror their father in silver (also harsh for fair little girls in summer?) or should they be dressed as mini-bridesmaids? Or bigger flower girls? They have expressed little opinion beyond wanting to "look like princesses".

Ditto the ladies on the vows to the kids. You should stick to staying vows to your FI only.

As for the dresses, Easter is coming up. You should look into after Easter sales and let the girls pick out their specific dresses. Since they are escorting their dad down the aisle, I'm sure they will also love being able to wear whatever dress they want.

AddieCake · February 2014

That is a really good idea, Olive.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

Also as a step-kid, I don't think it's appropriate to make vows to the children. I know it's coming from a good place, but the wedding is about the bride and groom. Making vows to children just seems a little weird.

I would match the girls to the FG or the MOH. Or just let them pick any pretty dress that they like.

scrcrwtfj · February 2014

Thank you for the input. To address a few questions/points: the girls will be up front with us for the ceremony. "Honorary" flower girls means that we hope they will be flower girls, but because of their age, we are prepared for them to back out. My moth suggested the Easter dress angle, but there will be other children there as guests who, I assume, would also wear Easter dresses. I don't want the girls to feel like they we just guests like everyone else: they are part of the party, whether or not I make vows to them. So I was trying to decide if they should match the little girls, or the MOH.

mrsbanany · February 2014

scrcrwtfj said:

Thank you for the input. To address a few questions/points: the girls will be up front with us for the ceremony. "Honorary" flower girls means that we hope they will be flower girls, but because of their age, we are prepared for them to back out. My moth suggested the Easter dress angle, but there will be other children there as guests who, I assume, would also wear Easter dresses. I don't want the girls to feel like they we just guests like everyone else: they are part of the party, whether or not I make vows to them. So I was trying to decide if they should match the little girls, or the MOH.

Matching them with the MOH is your best bet here. The girls will feel like part of the party, they are in the wedding. That is all you need to include them. I went to a wedding where the groom said vows to the brides children and it was very awkward to watch. Not only is it in inappropriate because the wedding is between you and your FI but these girls are also way too young to understand the full commitment of what those vows mean. There is a reason 8 year olds aren't allowed to get married . Also, God forbid something doesn't work out, you are dragging the kids into the mess of the relationship. If you really want to say something nice to them I would get them a nice gift and write them a heartfelt note or something to give to them before the wedding. During the wedding they should have no greater participation than a generic BM.

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