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Grooms men issues

rlmaselrlmasel member
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edited February 2014 in Wedding Party
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Re: Grooms men issues

  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
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    I can't...
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  • doeydodoeydo member
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    rlmasel said:
    My FI  and me picked our WP when we first got engaged in 2013 and since then I have been having a issue with one of the grooms men, he said yes to being in the WP but then told us he doesn't know if he's going to be able to come to the rehearsal dinner, which I told him I wanted him there, and he's not 100% sure that he's going to be able to get off for the wedding. I understand that he lives in another state and is in the military but the best man is in the exact same situation and told us that he'll be there no problem. Recently we have been tying to get in contact with this grooms men to talk to him a little bit more about the situation and have not been able to get in contact with him. 

    Now I am very into the look of every girl with their own guy and I can't cut one of my girls and my FI is having issues thinking of someone else to ask.

    I just don't know if I should risk keeping this grooms men in the WP or find another way to make it work or if there is another way to make it work with out putting two girls with one guy or having them walk down by themselves.  
    When is your wedding?  Someone in the wedding party not being able to make it to the wedding and/or rehearsal dinner doesn't make them no longer a groomsman/whatever.  You would still include them in the program and everything, also, to kick someone out of the wedding party is a friendship ending move.
    You have zero say in your FI's side of the wedding party.  
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    rlmasel said:
    My FI  and me picked our WP when we first got engaged in 2013 and since then I have been having a issue with one of the grooms men, he said yes to being in the WP but then told us he doesn't know if he's going to be able to come to the rehearsal dinner, which I told him I wanted him there, and he's not 100% sure that he's going to be able to get off for the wedding. I understand that he lives in another state and is in the military but the best man is in the exact same situation and told us that he'll be there no problem. Recently we have been tying to get in contact with this grooms men to talk to him a little bit more about the situation and have not been able to get in contact with him. 

    Now I am very into the look of every girl with their own guy and I can't cut one of my girls and my FI is having issues thinking of someone else to ask.

    I just don't know if I should risk keeping this grooms men in the WP or find another way to make it work or if there is another way to make it work with out putting two girls with one guy or having them walk down by themselves.  
    1.  He doesn't have to be at the rehearsal if he can't make it.  Whether or not a different person can attend your rehearsal is entirely immaterial.  We're not talking about rocket science here.  It's nice if he (and everyone else) can make it, but not the end of the world if he can't.  Accept that he probably won't be able to be there.

    1b.  Definitely, under no circumstances, should you kick him out of the wedding for not being able to go to the rehearsal.  That would be ridiculous.

    2.  Get over the desire to have even sides (or, as you put it, "the look of every girl with their own guy").  These are your nearest and dearest, not props and not cast members for a production called 'Wedding!' 

    2b.  IF he drops out of the wedding of his own volition (and there is no evidence that he's planning to do that), do NOT replace him.  Also do NOT kick out one of your bridesmaids.  See above RE people not being props.



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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    Two of my BMs didn't make the rehearsal, one of them was my MOH!  Guess what? They both walked down the aisle perfectly and stood where they were supposed to and no one knew any better.

    You act like this GM is purposefully making it so he cannot attend.  He has superiors and responsibilities that go beyond your wedding.  Don't kick him out.  Even if he cannot make the actual ceremony, leave him in the program as a GM, because he still would have been - if he was able to get time off.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    OP if you happen to come back to read more despite your delete I have one more thing to address.  You mentioned you can't get in touch with this groomsman.  He is in the military.  I don't know what his current job is but it's possible that he is unavailable.  My husband is in the Navy and at his last duty station he would be gone for days/weeks at a time for training and he did not notify friends and family that he was going.  I knew but that was it.  When he was gone the only way to contact him was via e-mail or snail mail (which he may or may not receive before he got home).  He could e-mail, snail mail, and make phone calls but that was limited and when he had time to do those things it was to get in touch with me.  So don't automatically assume that this guy is avoiding you.  
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Brilliant move, OP, deleting your original post which had already been copied by three other posters...



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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    I don't even know where to begin with this thread. All 3 people FI picked as his groomsmen are in the military - Army, Army National Guard, and Air Force. One groomsman is currently in the Middle East with no guarantee of being able to make it back for the wedding - no big deal, he will still be a groomsman because the only thing he has to do if he does make it back in time is show up in a black suit on the day of the wedding. If he doesn't make it back, his wife is more than welcome to take the invitation we are extending them and come celebrate with us anyway. FI's brother (who is best man), will most likely make it back here for the wedding since he has moved into a non-combat role. However, he's Special Forces, so you never know. The third groomsman in the Air Force is currently trying to get a medical discharge. For the past 2 years, actually. He's been stuck in a pile of red tape and bureaucratic BS. He also needs to have major surgery to repair his knee, which the AF will be providing - once they figure out all of the discharge business. There is a very real chance that he will be having surgery fairly close to our wedding date and might not be able to make it back here for our wedding. These are risks we accepted when choosing our WP. No one will be "kicked out" for not being able to make it to any part of the wedding. I don't care if my BMs are the only people we have standing up for us, and neither does FI.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    What the fuck difference does it really make if he comes to the rehearsal?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I'm continually amazed that people like this exist.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    I bet you all a cupcake that OP has run off to WW or WB and is currently writing how such nasty bitches we all are because we didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

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  • jneen101jneen101 member
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    Wait, the only issue is that he can't come to the rehearsal?  Who the fuck cares?
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    jneen101 said:
    Wait, the only issue is that he can't come to the rehearsal?  Who the fuck cares?
    Oh my God, I know!  It's so hard for people to figure out how to walk down an aisle that they need to practice it.

    I have to be honest with you though, I have seen the "church ladies"- the volunteers that help coordinate weddings- get bent out of shape when people were missing from the rehearsal ><

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • antotoantoto member
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    jneen101 said:
    Wait, the only issue is that he can't come to the rehearsal?  Who the fuck cares?
    Hey, now!  Walking is HARD okay????
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