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Did you really care what your BM dresses looked like or the color?

jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

So I dunno, I'm very picky with certain details like my own dress but I've been very wishy-washy with everything else. We haven't shopped for dresses yet and I haven't figured out a color scheme yet (wedding is in 7 months). FI and I talked about probably some sort of blue or green but that's the extent, we're really not picky or stressed about it. I don't have any "vision".

So I have 2 bridesmaids (1 maid of honor, 1 normal BM). One of them is in a wedding the weekend before mine and she just sent me a picture of the dress she's wearing in that wedding. It's a really nice teal color that I like and I do enjoy that it's not strapless. I'm almost thinking should I just go with that and save her from buying another dress. The other girl has already expressed her budget to me and the dress does fall within it and would look good on her figure. The dress is knee length so I really can't imagine it getting ripped or ruined at the first wedding. Is that weird of me to consider doing? Should I take them shopping and see if there's something I like better? (she's not at all suggesting that's what we do, she's fine buying another)

                                                                 

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Re: Did you really care what your BM dresses looked like or the color?

  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you like the dress I would save the BM from having to buy another dress, especially if you don't have a strong opinion on what they wear.

    I doubt anything would happen that a trip to the dry-cleaners wouldn't fix.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I only cared about what my BMs thought about the dress.  I just wanted them both to be comfortable.

    As for the color, I had really wanted purple but my one BM picked out a green that went along with my color scheme as well and said that she thought that the green would be more bright and fun for the wedding I was having.  I liked the color and figured it was different then what I had typically seen so I went with it.

    I think if you like the dress and the color then I would go with it.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenna8984 said:

    So I dunno, I'm very picky with certain details like my own dress but I've been very wishy-washy with everything else. We haven't shopped for dresses yet and I haven't figured out a color scheme yet (wedding is in 7 months). FI and I talked about probably some sort of blue or green but that's the extent, we're really not picky or stressed about it. I don't have any "vision".

    So I have 2 bridesmaids (1 maid of honor, 1 normal BM). One of them is in a wedding the weekend before mine and she just sent me a picture of the dress she's wearing in that wedding. It's a really nice teal color that I like and I do enjoy that it's not strapless. I'm almost thinking should I just go with that and save her from buying another dress. The other girl has already expressed her budget to me and the dress does fall within it and would look good on her figure. The dress is knee length so I really can't imagine it getting ripped or ruined at the first wedding. Is that weird of me to consider doing? Should I take them shopping and see if there's something I like better? (she's not at all suggesting that's what we do, she's fine buying another)

    If I were you and you liked the color of the other BM dress, I would just re-use that dress and have your other BM buy that dress too.  I'm sure your other BM will be thrilled to not buy another dress and to get a second use out of it.  (I know she said she's fine buying another - but she will still be happy not to!)

    As for your other questions.  I wanted all my girls in the same short dress.  Other than that, I didn't really care.  I made an appointment for all of us to go shopping together.  They picked the dresses they liked and narrowed it down to 3, then had me choose the final.  As for color, I would have liked for the girls to wear green dresses, but I didn't feel right about having them buy a green dress since it's not always a well liked color.  So the color they did purchase was my nuetral accent color of silver.  My one BM was able to wear it again at an awards gala a few months later!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I did care about the color b/c I wanted them to match my champagne and coral color scheme. They also had to be the same since I decided I wanted them to be patterned.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I had a hard time with my BM's dresses because I wanted my girls to like them and all they kept saying was whatever you want us to wear is fine. I think we ended up with a dress that they all liked. The only thing that was important to me was the color, but we already had a color scheme picked out. 

    If you like the dress the BM already has I don't see anything wrong with it using the same one.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2014
    I think it's very nice and considerate of you to help save your BM some money! From what you described it sounds very nice!
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    Anniversary
    jenna8984themuffinman16
  • i would have to stop myself from attacking you with glee if you just let me wear a BM dress i had already bought for your wedding rather than making me buy another one, especially if i liked the one that i already had.  i think you're being awesome, as long as your other BM is comfortable in the dress and with the cost.
    OliveOilsMomjenna8984themuffinman16
  • Oh, and to answer your actual question, i knew i wanted purple and for everyone to be comfortable, so i went with picking a color, fabric, and designer and all the girls got different style dresses.  The plus was that the skirt was the same on all of them and the tops are all different.  It is a plus because my sister, who has a tendancy toward the Snookie-esque style, was unable to pick an inappropriate dress because none of the options were too short or tight-fitting. :-)
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm only having a MOH. I honestly and truly do not care what color her dress is or what it looks like. I told her to pick anything that she likes. That also goes for her hair, shoes, makeup, etc. 

    And I think it's fantastic you're considering having her wear that dress. Do it! 

    themuffinman16lc07
  • I would have her wear the dress she already owns. As for your other BM (of there are only two) she can get something different or the exact same one. I like both looks honestly. For my wedding, I picked a color, fabric and approximate length and am letting all my girls pick what they want from there. I wanted them to match my color scheme but with four women of varying shapes and sizes living in three different states it was just easier to say go to DB and find x color in y fabric. They can wear whatever shoes they want!
    jenna8984
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I hate buying BM dresses, so I would be all about it.

    I asked my BMs to buy grey dresses. Don't care the style/fabric/specific color of grey.
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Your idea sounds great.  I also don't really mind too much what my BM's wear.  They're a variety of ages/body types, so I'm eventually going to pick out a color and tell them to get whatever they want, there's no way in hell I'm going to torture myself picking out a single dress that they all like that flatters all of their body types.  I'm even on the fence about wether or not I care what color they wear, honestly.  I feel the bridal party photos will be lovely no matter what because it'll be a photo of all my best friends and some close family enjoying the day.  
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    jenna8984
  • I only cared about them having the same color(s)/fabrics - 2 will be oasis, and 2 will be punch.  Three of them surprised me by picking the same style of dress, so the fourth (my future stepdaughter who is in St. Louis while her dad is deployed) will also end up with the same style - which she's good with.
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Thanks everyone!! I think we will probably do that and the other BM can always chose a complimenting color or style, I won't make her get the exact same one if she doesn't want to.

                                                                     

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    HaileyDancingbearOliveOilsMom
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I picked a color from Davids Bridal and told them to have at it.
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    Anniversary
  • I didn't care what the dresses looked like, I just picked the color and let the girls pick their own dress.  they are the one's wearing it and have to feel comfy in it.  I think it looks better if the bridesmaids feel comfortable in what they are wearing vs. being forced to wear something they don't like.  
  • I don't care much what they wear, I'm just thrilled they agreed to be in my wedding and are making the effort to come here (both live over 2000 miles away)! My dress will have some blue in it, so I'm sending them each a swatch of that fabric and just said don't clash with that, and try to get something in the some shade of blue. If they already own something, great, and they don't even have to get a "bridesmaid" dress. If they can find something at TJ Maxx and something they will actually wear again, great! My only request is that they wear a dress for the ceremony (they can change, into jeans if they want, for the reception) and that it doesn't clash with mine. The only clothing requirements I gave for the wedding as a whole is that the bridesmaids wear dresses, the groom/groomsmen don't wear jeans, and they don't clash with my blue. Everyone else can wear jeans and sweatshirts (my pastor just might show up in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt because I said it doesn't matter to me, though I doubt his wife would let him), and no one has to match. I think it's ridiculous how expensive everything "wedding" is, and it's much more important to me that people are there and comfortable than how they look.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I really didn't care what dresses my BMs wanted to wear so long as they were royal blue. My sisters both got super busy and didn't really have time to go looking around for dresses, so I said I'd pick up a few for them to try on and we'd go from there (finding the right style/cut/size for each girl). I found a cute dress at Macy's that was a nice light-weight fabric and the approximate color I was looking for (this dress in cobalt). Ended up that both girls thought it was peachy and felt comfortable wearing it, so that's what they're going with. I hadn't intended on them wearing the same dress, or rather, I didn't care if they did or not, but this was just a happy accident. And they lucked out because it was totally within my budget to buy the dresses for them. I'd rather they not spend a fortune on a day that they ultimately won't care about as much as I do.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I only had a MOH.  I knew I wanted her in burgundy and the dress needed to cover her knees (I'm wierd, I don't like looking at knees).  Other than that, I didn't really care.  We looked at a bunch of different styles and picked the one she loved and said she would wear again.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Not really.

    I want the girls in black dresses. I also want them all to be roughly the same length (long or short)- they just need to agree as a group. Beyond that, I don't care a lot. Though I have mentioned that I prefer the dresses to be simpler and not sparkly.

    I ended up with a much larger wedding party than I ever imagined (5 ladies) and each one has a different shape, size, budget, and dress preference. I want everyone to feel beautiful and not stress out about being in my wedding. That's my biggest priority.

    My friend - a BM - keeps telling me that I'm going to change my mind and want everyone matching. She could be right but my biggest concern is making sure that everyone is happy and comfortable.

    That said, I'm going to buy them all matching wraps and jewelry to tie it all together (don't worry- not as BM gifts!). The groomsmen are all wearing matching tuxes (FI's call) so it would be cute if there was some coordination with the ladies.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I think your idea to reuse the dress is great... But I personally would feel weird about it as the bride if there were a lot of the same guests at both weddings. I wouldn't want to feel like a repeat of the wedding they just went to in terms of style. That might sound silly but I would only care if there were overlapping guests. For mine, I did not really care other than choosing the color. I would have been ok with long but they wanted short and I thought that was better too for our August wedding, and I was open to different styles but they all Iiked the same one best. I've seen so many variations of dresses and even different shades of a color, and it can look great.
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Originally I was just going to let them have at it, then I made the terrible decision that I was going to specify length, exactly which shade of pink, and fabric. Then I decided that if I were going to put all of those stipulations, I better just purchase them myself. Which also blew up in my face.

    @shrekspeare well that doesn't sound like it ended well- what happened?!

     

    @mitch617 It's her step brother's wedding so there is not a single guest attending both except of course my BM.

                                                                     

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  • Perfect, then go for it!
  • I really don't care - actually I told one of my BMs on Sunday night that I was just going to have them all pick out a black dress and she wasn't happy with this at all, which was very surprising to me.  We ended up spending an hour looking online at dresses and the one she loves is like Wizard of Oz/Emerald City green (long taffeta ball gown).  Idk what I am going to do now.  Since I don't care, I'd rather they were happy, so maybe the dresses will be green, who knows...

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Make sure there's a back up plan, just in case. One of my BM was also in a wedding the weekend before. Coincidentally, we had the same color too. I let my girls choose whatever dress they wanted as long as it was DB Lapis and it was short. Boy, oh, boy am I glad she bought two separate dresses as she ended up ripping the seam of the dress from the first wedding the weekend before mine. Just a thought...


  • I think it's great you are willing to use a dress the BM already has. I'm sure she will be thankful for it! (what BM wouldn't be thrilled to actually be able to wear a BM dress again? I mean how often do ytou really get to do that?) If you like it, then that's awesome. My BM could show up in jeans and I wouldn't care. I basically gave them the color I liked, and told them to go to town. Both chose sundresses they love. We had a dbl date night the other night and one of my BM's wore hers that night. I'm just happy it's something they both like and will wear again. 
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