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Budget BS

dammaudedammaude member
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in Wedding Woes
This is mostly to vent, but have any of you had parents who agreed to contribute a certain amount to the wedding, but then keep saying they'll give you the money next week, then next week, then the next week?

My father agreed to put up a certain amount of money (nothing extravagant in the wedding world though). Then my fiance and I did our venue scouting with the budget that was agreed upon, found a place, signed a contract, then when the time came to deliver the deposit he kept pushing it off. I'm furious, heart-broken, and embarrassed. I understand that maybe he agreed to an amount of money because he wanted to make me happy, but now I have to start all over again if our wedding budget is only half of what we thought it would be.

It's just so frustrating to be engaged for 6-weeks and already hating the process.
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Re: Budget BS

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    themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    FI's dad has offered once to pay for the DJ then he said he was going to pay for bar tab to others.  He has not really mentioned more than offering to his son.  We are going forward as if he is not contributing.  Fi's godmother also offered to help us with wedding costs.  Her husband, FIs godfather, was recently diagnosed with lung cancer.  So we know they will not be able to contribute.  We wouldn't even  want them to contribute because their money should go towards the time they have left together.
        I understand your situation.  Try talking to your father and give him an out.  If he takes it and no longer wants to help you with the wedding, at least you will know, and you'll be able to figure out a new budget to work with.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    There are lots of brides on these boards who have had that happen. You can do a search and find their threads.

    The rule we always tell everyone is 'don't count on the money until it's in your hands.'

    I'm sorry your dad disappointed you. That's got to be tough.
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    thejucheideathejucheidea member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My parents wanted to help us, but they couldn't, so we did everything on our own.

    You should never assume that money's going to come your way -- it needs to be in hand before you start using it.

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    JennyColadaJennyColada member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    My grandma said that she wants to pay for my dress.

    But the wise choice is for me to make a purchase ignoring that fact, and to only spend what I can afford(which is what I'm doing).

    Less stress, and if she does make good then so much the better.

    People say a lot of things and often people WANT to help or like the IDEA of helping, but reality is sometimes far different.
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @Jennycolada, this is my exact dress situation!  My grandma has the means and I'm sure she will come through with something, but she keeps refusing to give me a specific dress budget.  In her mind I think she's being generous by not giving me a spending cap, but it also means I'm worried her idea of a wedding dress is much less than mine.  So I'm going shopping with a budget I can take care of on my own if I have to.

    OP, this happens a lot and it's always frustrating.  Everyone here's advice, which I am trying to follow with the dress example above, is to be grateful for offers of help-- but don't count on them until the money is in your hands.  Plan a wedding you and Fi can afford on your own; then if family comes forward to help, great.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    JennyColadaJennyColada member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @JCBride2014, we are in the EXACT same boat. I'm also filtering between just upping my dress budget a bit and having gma's contribution just be in ADDITION to what I'm spending, but as I'm kind of disinterested in classic wedding dresses at the moment I will likely spend way under my own budget.

    I'm hoping that, instead, I can get gma to throw in new shoes or a new handbag. ;)
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Parents who don't follow through on these things are my pet peeve.  Any wedding promises we have made to our girls has always happened without incident, and I am sure many others have experienced that also.

    I have also watched peers many times drop their jaws after they find out how much weddings really cost now compared to what ours cost.  Maybe that is where some of this may come from?

    OP - I think since your dad has offered you need to sit down and discuss this with him and just ask him for the real deal here.  Tell him it is ok if he misspoke and things are tight, or things are more expensive than he thought they would be, but he needs to know that you are signing contracts based on those promises and once signed, that money has to come from somewhere.

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    Grabows14Grabows14 member
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    My parents said they would help once before, but since then haven't brought it up. I won't go and ask them for money, and I won't budget for it either (until the check is cashed, or the cash is in my hand). Planning for money that isn't available isn't good planning. 
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    McCMalMcCMal member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited February 2014
    My mother is in debt, I also have an awkward relationship with my mother in law, so my mom actually has to ask my dad how much/ if he is helping and if he can match what she possibly might be able to help with. I wasn't going to ask either, we're having a very low budget wedding. 

    Until my FMIL told my FI that it was so weird that we were paying for the wedding, and that he didn't have money for that.

    I told my mom and she said she'd take the step of asking my dad. I'm going to go along without assuming he'll pay for anything, because he did the exact same thing yours did with my college fund. (Ok, his wife did).
    I learned not to trust what they promise at all. If they hand you a check later, awesome, fill in other aspects of the wedding, but you can't wait for them to pay if they're dodging it for some reason. 

    And we've been engaged for two months, and then his mother said her little comment, it stressed me out so bad I was late for my monthly. Awesome new stress to have while planning a wedding. I romanticized planning weddings a little.  

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    FiancBFiancB member
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    Grabows14 said:
    My parents said they would help once before, but since then haven't brought it up. I won't go and ask them for money, and I won't budget for it either (until the check is cashed, or the cash is in my hand). Planning for money that isn't available isn't good planning. 
    Ditto.When we first got engaged my mom said "if you need any help you just let us know" without really spelling out whether they meant monetary or not. After some other drama from them, I'm just assuming they aren't helping.
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Re-examine your budget, get it down to bare basics and guest list. Are you able to afford the venue on your own?

    If not, I suggest trying to cancel your contract. If you are very far out, they may be willing to refund your deposit. Sometimes they say they will refund it if they are able to book another wedding too.

    If not, how much was the deposit? It may be worth saying goodbye to it to get back on track.

    Do you have a long way to go? Second job?

    What if you take your honeymoon at a later date?

    Sorry you're going through this, it's a tough lesson to learn. We were offered money from my FIL to pay our bar tab and RD. We just planned what we could afford and saw it as a bonus when he gave us the check.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    Grabows14Grabows14 member
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    @MuppetOverlord, some thing we are going to do!
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