Invite from an ex: WWYD?

Inkdancer · February 2014

So FI and I just received an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's wedding.

She was the last person he dated before me, and they were together for over 3 years. I kind of feel a little weird about going to her wedding, just because the relationship ended so badly. FI's parents also tried to get FI to go out with her again after he and I were dating, so it's extra awkward.

What would you do in this situation?

LondonLisa · February 2014

What does your Fi want to do?

OliveOilsMom · February 2014

I think it depends on certain factors. Like is FI friends with this ex? Do they work together? If the answer to those questions is yes, I can see why you and FI were invited. If the answer is no, I don't even know why she invited you guys, in all honesty and I would decline the invite.

What does FI think?

Inkdancer · February 2014

FI doesn't care one way or the other. We haven't actually seen this girl in like 3 years... they're friends on FB but they never hang out.

I don't think we'll go (we have another wedding to attend right after that one) but I was curious about others' reactions.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

If they never hang out or talk then why the invite? That to me is the weird part. "Oh hey, yeah our relationship ended badly and I haven't actually seen you in person in 3 years but here is an invite to my wedding!" If you FI doesn't care then I would just decline the invite.

Ven&Radio · February 2014

Just my 2 cents, but if the person hasn't actually seen your FI in 3 years, the invite sounds like a gift grab. The exception to this would be if it was a good friend who lived really far away, but it doesn't sound like this is the case.

LDay2014 · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

So FI and I just received an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's wedding.

She was the last person he dated before me, and they were together for over 3 years. I kind of feel a little weird about going to her wedding, just because the relationship ended so badly. FI's parents also tried to get FI to go out with her again after he and I were dating, so it's extra awkward.

What would you do in this situation?

I'd politely decline and send a nice card if she is trying to 'mend fences' to just say congrats?

Amyzen83 · February 2014

I think due to your fi's history with her and his parents trying to get them back together I'd decline,

LondonLisa · February 2014

I would follow Fi's lead on this. I mean, obviously they both have moved on and this could have been their chance to start over as friends.

However, I given that you already have another wedding, logistically it just makes sense to skip this one. I would send a gift and a nice card signed from you both.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Well, I think in that instance, I would skip it.

FI attended his ex's wedding. They dated for 12 years and are still good friends. And the ex and her husband will be attending our wedding too, along with her twin sister. But again, they ended on good terms and there's no weirdness there.

sarahufl · February 2014

I would have to know more. But if their relationship ended badly, why the invite?

phira · February 2014

I'm not sure why they sent the invite. It honestly doesn't strike me as gift-grabby. It feels like either it's obligatory ("I guess I'll invite you because we have a past together"), it's an olive branch ("I'm sorry about how badly things ended"), or it's a way of making it clear she's moved on ("I'm getting married AND cool with you attending").

I think that given the history (especially because your future in-laws tried to get your fiance to end YOUR relationship to be with her--that's ... awkward), because they're not really friends (facebook friends doesn't mean enough--they're not involved in each other's lives), because you have another wedding to attend the same day, and because you are not comfortable with it, you should not attend.

emmyg65 · February 2014

Given the additional details, this is weird. Since your FI doesn't care, politely decline.

AddieCake · February 2014

Yeah, it's weird she invited you guys if the relationship ended badly and they don't even see or talk to one another. I would send a card and call it a day.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

My take on it is that it's part gift grab, part wanting to rub it in his face that she's got someone else and is happy now. Or maybe that's just the uber-cynical part of me coming out. :P I suppose it could be an olive branch too. But yeah, under the circumstances I'd probably decline.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

My take on it is that it's part gift grab, part wanting to rub it in his face that she's got someone else and is happy now. Or maybe that's just the uber-cynical part of me coming out. :P I suppose it could be an olive branch too. But yeah, under the circumstances I'd probably decline.

Based on what you have said, (realationship ended on bad terms, his parents wanting them to get back together, no real communication for three years) I get this impression too. I mean it may not be the case, but it just seems so...look at me! I'm getting married and I'm over you and our past. Especially since your getting married now too.

thisismynickname2 · February 2014

I agree with @Phira, and I would not go. I'd send a nice card and that's it.

grumbledore · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

So FI and I just received an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's wedding.

She was the last person he dated before me, and they were together for over 3 years. I kind of feel a little weird about going to her wedding, just because the relationship ended so badly. FI's parents also tried to get FI to go out with her again after he and I were dating, so it's extra awkward.

What would you do in this situation?

If they are friends and it doesn't make you uncomfortable, I'd say go. If they aren't, then no, it's weird you're invited. If they are but it makes you uncomfortable, then no, no point in being uncomfortable.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

cowgirl8238 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

My take on it is that it's part gift grab, part wanting to rub it in his face that she's got someone else and is happy now. Or maybe that's just the uber-cynical part of me coming out. :P I suppose it could be an olive branch too. But yeah, under the circumstances I'd probably decline.

Based on what you have said, (realationship ended on bad terms, his parents wanting them to get back together, no real communication for three years) I get this impression too. I mean it may not be the case, but it just seems so...look at me! I'm getting married and I'm over you and our past. Especially since your getting married now too.

Thirded. How weird.

LDay2014 · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

So FI and I just received an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's wedding.

She was the last person he dated before me, and they were together for over 3 years. I kind of feel a little weird about going to her wedding, just because the relationship ended so badly. FI's parents also tried to get FI to go out with her again after he and I were dating, so it's extra awkward.

What would you do in this situation?

Politely decline and send a card...who knows, maybe she just wants to bury the hatchet and go forward knowing there's no bad blood?

jdluvr06 · February 2014

cowgirl8238 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

My take on it is that it's part gift grab, part wanting to rub it in his face that she's got someone else and is happy now. Or maybe that's just the uber-cynical part of me coming out. :P I suppose it could be an olive branch too. But yeah, under the circumstances I'd probably decline.

Based on what you have said, (realationship ended on bad terms, his parents wanting them to get back together, no real communication for three years) I get this impression too. I mean it may not be the case, but it just seems so...look at me! I'm getting married and I'm over you and our past. Especially since your getting married now too.

Thirded. How weird.

I was thinking that too.

abbyj700 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

cowgirl8238 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

My take on it is that it's part gift grab, part wanting to rub it in his face that she's got someone else and is happy now. Or maybe that's just the uber-cynical part of me coming out. :P I suppose it could be an olive branch too. But yeah, under the circumstances I'd probably decline.

Based on what you have said, (realationship ended on bad terms, his parents wanting them to get back together, no real communication for three years) I get this impression too. I mean it may not be the case, but it just seems so...look at me! I'm getting married and I'm over you and our past. Especially since your getting married now too.

Thirded. How weird.
I was thinking that too.

Me too.

Politely decline.

Inkdancer · February 2014

I agree with all of you. She's getting a lovely card and maybe a nice picture frame.

antoto · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

I agree with all of you. She's getting a lovely card and maybe a nice picture frame.

Smart lady.

photokitty · February 2014

I would politely decline an invite from anyone I hadn't seen or talked to in 3 years, assuming I wasn't related to them. I don't count FB only interactions only making real relationship.

If I sent a gift I'd probably pick something off the registry just so she didn't have any reason to snark behind our backs…even though she shouldn't snark over any gift…but basically to be the bigger person

Aray82 · February 2014

Yep. To echo PPs, embrace that "kind of feel a little weird" feeling and decline. Especially since FI's parents tried to get them together again! Oh, and I will also share that a few weeks ago I received a random email from a guy I dated over three years ago (and haven't spoken to since), saying that he was "just thinking of me, because it was exactly four years and two days since we met" and he had some good memories even though things ended badly. He even titled the email subject "4 years and two days." Anyway. I did not reply in this case because I didn't want to encourage any kind of response. But in this case (as long as she's not sending creepy emails to commemorate their anniversary of meeting :P) I think a short, polite card of well-wishes is OK.

navypeach15 · February 2014

Decline. Too awkward in all forms.

AzAnnie · February 2014

I would decline and send a nice gift.

Invite from an ex: WWYD?

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