vent- rude friend!!

jenna8984 · February 2014

Just went to dinner with 2 girlfriends. One of them has a house with her boyfriend and they are on track to get married are not engaged yet. She didn't ask a single thing about my wedding (which is fine) but then went on for 30 minutes about her imaginary wedding. She kept saying we're going to do a destination wedding on a cruise, because we don't have $30,000 to spend. I'm like um hello, mine is costing under 10 and it's going to be amazing. She was like "Yea, I have different taste than you, I couldn't cheap out". Basically everything I said I'm doing like non floral centerpieces she had a comment insinuating that it was not good enough for her. I know I can't do anything about it- that's her prerogative and her problem not mine but I just found it so rude. You're not even engaged so how about if we're going to talk weddings at all, can we talk about a real one that's happening and how it's going to be beautiful not cheap! ugh I told FI if she has a destination we're not going lol

smalfrie19 · February 2014

jenna8984 said:

Just went to dinner with 2 girlfriends. One of them has a house with her boyfriend and they are on track to get married are not engaged yet. She didn't ask a single thing about my wedding (which is fine) but then went on for 30 minutes about her imaginary wedding. She kept saying we're going to do a destination wedding on a cruise, because we don't have $30,000 to spend. I'm like um hello, mine is costing under 10 and it's going to be amazing. She was like "Yea, I have different taste than you, I couldn't cheap out". Basically everything I said I'm doing like non floral centerpieces she had a comment insinuating that it was not good enough for her. I know I can't do anything about it- that's her prerogative and her problem not mine but I just found it so rude. You're not even engaged so how about if we're going to talk weddings at all, can we talk about a real one that's happening and how it's going to be beautiful not cheap! ugh I told FI if she has a destination we're not going lol

To the bolded...that sounds incredibly self centered.

I get being angry about her calling your wedding cheap however...but you know..not everyone likes what you like..

Example time....Yesterday I showed a picture of my wedding dress to a gal at work...she told she didn't like the flower...well yeah it stung...but I didnt say anything or argue..and who give a fuck because I LOVE my wedding dress...

jenna8984 · February 2014

To the bolded...that sounds incredibly self centered.

I get being angry about her calling your wedding cheap however...but you know..not everyone likes what you like..

Example time....Yesterday I showed a picture of my wedding dress to a gal at work...she told she didn't like the flower...well yeah it stung...but I didnt say anything or argue..and who give a fuck because I LOVE my wedding dress...

Sorry I don't see how it's not self centered of HER to dominate the conversation about her wedding when she's not even engaged! lol I very much put effort into not talking about my wedding because I know it bores people, so it was just annoying to me that she was doing exactly what I was avoiding.

bethsmiles · February 2014

I disagree @smalfrie19 - Why the hell would anyone want to sit and listen to someone bash their wedding ideas while they go on and on about their imaginary one? It was pretty clear in the post that OP didn't feel the need to talk wedding at all so it's not like she wanted the conversation to be all about her.

OP - I'd just bean dip this friend from now on any time she brings up anything wedding related!

CLoGreenEyes · February 2014

jenna8984 said:

Just went to dinner with 2 girlfriends. One of them has a house with her boyfriend and they are on track to get married are not engaged yet. She didn't ask a single thing about my wedding (which is fine) but then went on for 30 minutes about her imaginary wedding. She kept saying we're going to do a destination wedding on a cruise, because we don't have $30,000 to spend. I'm like um hello, mine is costing under 10 and it's going to be amazing. She was like "Yea, I have different taste than you, I couldn't cheap out". Basically everything I said I'm doing like non floral centerpieces she had a comment insinuating that it was not good enough for her. I know I can't do anything about it- that's her prerogative and her problem not mine but I just found it so rude. You're not even engaged so how about if we're going to talk weddings at all, can we talk about a real one that's happening and how it's going to be beautiful not cheap! ugh I told FI if she has a destination we're not going lol

So, I can understand being miffed that she's critiquing your choices and going on about a wedding that isn't happening yet...However, (and I could be misreading/not understanding the tone from what you typed), the bolded did seem a little unnecessarily catty to me, even though I don't think you intended it to be.

She definitely sounds somewhat self-absorbed and perhaps a little jealous, and that sucks, because I totally understand that you just want to be able to talk to your friend. This is one of those situations where you might have to the bigger person and just let it go. Like beth said, bean-dipping might be the way to go instead of getting down to the same level and arguing about whose wedding is more interesting to talk about, which one will be better, etc. Hopefully she'll reign it in.

Am I using the correct spelling of "reign" in this case? Is it rein? I know it's not rain.

Ugh. I used to be able to spell, I swear.

MairePoppy · February 2014

So her fake wedding is more fantabulous than your real wedding?

jenna8984 · February 2014

Yea it's obvious that we have different tastes. But she kept saying it like it was a solid set in stone fact like "good weddings cost this much money". Tunnel vision. I was just trying to open her eyes a little and say it doesn't have to be that way, there are all these other options but she was completely not open to any of them. And that's what hurt my feelings. It would be like being excited about your brand new Toyota and having a friend be like oh it's not a BMW so it sucks (while this person has a bicycle). You know? Oh well I will know next time to just nod and smile.

I think that reign is right I'm not sure hahaha

jenna8984 · February 2014

MairePoppy said:

So her fake wedding is more fantabulous than your real wedding?

hahahhahah so amazing! Love that movie!

MairePoppy · February 2014

: )

CLoGreenEyes · February 2014

Yea it's obvious that we have different tastes. But she kept saying it like it was a solid set in stone fact like "good weddings cost this much money". Tunnel vision. I was just trying to open her eyes a little and say it doesn't have to be that way, there are all these other options but she was completely not open to any of them. And that's what hurt my feelings. It would be like being excited about your brand new Toyota and having a friend be like oh it's not a BMW so it sucks (while this person has a bicycle). You know? Oh well I will know next time to just nod and smile.
I think that reign is right I'm not sure hahaha

Oh hai, I'm STUCK IN THE BOX.

So, yeah, that's very frustrating. Ugh. Honestly, she is probably just having a moment of envy. She will probably think back on that conversation and regret being so one-sided about it. I think you've got a good approach for next time (although hopefully there won't be a next time and she'll be a little classier next time, haha).

pinkcow13 · February 2014

I get where you're coming from and I would feel the same way. I think it was incredibly rude of your friend to say she wasn't "cheaping out " on her fake wedding. I totally get that people have different tastes, and that's totally fine. But she was out of line by insinuations that your wedding will be "cheap." Next time definitely bean dip this chick.

laceybird · February 2014

pinkcow13 said:

I get where you're coming from and I would feel the same way. I think it was incredibly rude of your friend to say she wasn't "cheaping out " on her fake wedding. I totally get that people have different tastes, and that's totally fine. But she was out of line by insinuations that your wedding will be "cheap." Next time definitely bean dip this chick.

For real. The whole "cheaping out" comment is what bugs me. It's incredibly rude and unnecessary. I also believe I may sense a tinge of jealousy coming from her.

JennyColada · February 2014

This is exactly why I try to bean dip any wedding conversations. Because I would DIE if any of my friends even insinuated that anything I'm doing/picking isn't "good enough".

NavyBlue143 · February 2014

It's "rein". Like horse reins. Reign is to rule.

EverAfer · February 2014

Yes, rein.

I get it. I also don't appreciate the "cheap" insinuation. We're diying invitations just because I like making stuff!! I taught myself basic Adobe Illustrator so I can do something to my vision. I can't stand it when people have that look like poor bride, can't afford real invitations.

The question is, of that entire get-together, how much of it was about you -in general- and how much of it is about her?

PolarBearFitz · February 2014

I have no more advice to add since the PPs pretty much covered the 'bean dip her til the day of her imaginary event.' So I'll just add this:

Your friend sounds like a self-centered naive twit-biscuit.

lkristenj · February 2014

That is just awful. I can't offer much more advice other than to say I'm sorry. I would have my feelings hurt a bit too, so I feel you're justified in being upset.

Grabows14 · February 2014

Yea the thing about weddings is that you don't fully understand how much they cost or how much planning and worry go into them before you are planning them. I had all these ideas of how I was going to do things differently from weddings I have been to. However, now while I'm planning, I get why people chose to do things a certain way. And I also feel like kinda of jerk for being a bit judgy pants...

Weddings get expensive fast, doesn't matter if it's 10k or 30k. It's hard to say good bye to that hard earned money.

CMGragain · February 2014

The hopeful not-engaged-yet lady is not only self centered and rude, she is tacky. Talking about how much something costs is very tacky. None of the guests at daughters wedding had any idea how much we spent - that includes her future in-laws. We paid for it, and did not discuss costs with anyone except the vendors.
As a retired church organist, I have seen a hundred weddings. The worst, tackiest ones were expensive and overdone. Too much of everything, desperately trying to impress people. Ugh!
Don't bother talking about your wedding to people who aren't interested. That is what WE are here for. You can post about your wedding here as much as you want. We understand.

About her dream destination cruise wedding - nope. Not unless she is willing to pay for the cruise fare for all of her guests.

vent- rude friend!!

Re: vent- rude friend!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards