Wedding Woes

Sad story

Let me preface this by saying that this is a terrible, terrible story and I do realize how terrible it is, but it's so terrible that I feel like I need to talk about it. Also it's a really weird situiation.

My 27 year old cousin died in December. It was sudden and unexpected. I'm 26, we were closest in age and my entire family is incredibly close. The experience was terrible, the funeral was terrible, and Chrismas was hard.

Skip ahead about a week or two, a lot of crazy stuff has gone down. We find out that her husband hadn't called 911 until at least a day after she had died (he said he had gone to the store for an hour or 2 and came backand found her). He's been telling conflicting stories, his best friend is the cop investigating, he an her kids are living with her best friend (oh yeah, they have two very young children), and worst-that she had been sick for days and had someone taken her to the hospital she probably wouldn't have died.

Ok, well yes all of this is weird,but I don't think this is his fault;but my family does. They're the type to place blame when they are greiving, I get it-they need somewhere to channel their grief.

 Trivial, and yes i know it's trivial, issue at hand:

I sent their family a save the date before this happened, but considering the circumstances, am not sure that I should invite him. It's incredibly sad because her 2 children are caught in the middle, but I really feel like this would  just be asking for something terrible to happen.

Opinions?

{ keep in mind before you attack me for asking a question about my wedding in these circumstances, I have been to multiple therapy sessions to try and cope with this and this is an actual issue, as i don't want anyone (mainly her father) punching anyone else in the face). }

 

Re: Sad story

  • when is your wedding? is this really something you need to worry about right now?
  • PirateBarbie  we sent out invites on sunday, so yeah. Wedding is may 3rd. RSVPS requested back by April 4th.

     

  • First off, I am so sorry for your loss.  How terrible to lose a young mother and a close friend/cousin.

    Do you think there is a real chance that her H had something to do with foul play, or accidentally caused her death through not taking care of her appropriately?  If the answer is yes or maybe, and her family will be deeply disturbed by him being there, I would not send the invite.  It sounds like you are just asking for an altercation to break out.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • JCBride2014

    Thank you for your kind words.

    At most, I believe it was neglect out of ignorance- I'm not sure he knew how sick she really was. However, yes, I do believe that at least part of her family believes that It wasn't as innocent as it seems. I know that her father would be disturbed by him being there, so I guess it's better to risk hurt feelings (although I doubt he'll even notice the lack of invite) than to risk upsetting my family and potentially causing a fight.

     

  • if you don't have any real relationship with him, and having him attend would cause more trouble than it was worth, I wouldn't invite him. 
  • Two questions:
    1) do you want them to be at your wedding? 
    2) do you REALLY believe there is going to be a FIST FIGHT at your wedding if he comes?

    If you think that your family is at odds to the point where actually fighting may occur, then back off and avoid it. However, 9.5 times out of 10, people are generally don't act like that. 

    However, it sounds like you believe that he may have done something shady in the death of your cousin. And on the other hand, nothing was proven.... 

    So if he does get charged with murder or manslaughter, and doesn't get convicted, will you still want to be friends with this man? 

    And there is the chance that he may not get charged, and then would you still be friends with this man. 

    And from his prospective, he sees his wife's family shirking from him after he lost his wife and now has to take care of two kids....

    I think that if you do not invite him, you are sending a clear message that you want nothing to do with him. 
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  • PP - I'm really sorry for your loss. I would say don't invite him. Maybe his feelings will be hurt, but like you said, given the circumstances, he probably would not even notice. I wish you ans your family well.
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  • Thanks for the advice, everyone. And why is there always someone on here that no matter what you say, has to be a jerk?

    Not necessary. As I said, it's been hard to deal with this and life has to go on.

     

  • I'm not being a jerk; your question is ridiculous, and you need to check your priorities.
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  • I didn't point you out as a jerk. However, you should really put your ability to read minds (including knowing what people's priorities are) to work! You're so good at it! does Ms. Cleo still exist?

    Speaking of priorities, glad one of yours is being a dick to people in need of actual advice ;) However, thank you for your tremendous insight on what is and should be important to me-i'll go change my life now.

    PS: I could be asking if it's appropriate to make a cake in her image with monkeys flying out of her butt and that IN NO WAY indicates how or how much I am greiving or have greived. So keep your sh** opinions on my priorities to yourself-that wasn't the question I asked.

     

  • I didn't say you weren't grieving, but ffs, your cousin was probably MURDERED, and you're thinking about wedding invitations.  I may not have answered the question you asked, but I answered the question you damn well should have asked.
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  • I'm with Kuus on this one, there are much bigger things going on that you need to be concerned about.
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  • Crap if kuus isn't the jerk, does that mean I am? O.o
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  • kefryar said:

    I didn't point you out as a jerk. However, you should really put your ability to read minds (including knowing what people's priorities are) to work! You're so good at it! does Ms. Cleo still exist?

    Speaking of priorities, glad one of yours is being a dick to people in need of actual advice ;) However, thank you for your tremendous insight on what is and should be important to me-i'll go change my life now.

    PS: I could be asking if it's appropriate to make a cake in her image with monkeys flying out of her butt and that IN NO WAY indicates how or how much I am greiving or have greived. So keep your sh** opinions on my priorities to yourself-that wasn't the question I asked.

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