Possible problem with invitation wording. Eek.

climbingsingle · February 2014

I ordered some samples of invites last week. They arrived yesterday. FI and I couldn't decide between our 3 favorites. I thought I would get the input of our moms - they are both ridiculously excited about the wedding and love all the planning I include them on. Side note: FI and I are paying for the wedding entirely by ourselves.

I sent pictures of the 3 to my mom, then to FMIL. FMIL (who I have an awesome relationship with and love to death) then called me. She said, "I really love the black and white one. And I loved the way it's worded - 'together with their parents!' That's so sweet. I love it."

So, eek. We're paying for everything ourselves. I wasn't planning on including any mention of our parents on our invitation. But I really don't want to hurt FMIL's feelings. I very well could just not mention it again and just print the invites like I was planning too. But again, what if she then sees the invite and is hurt she's not included? Gah.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I ordered some samples of invites last week. They arrived yesterday. FI and I couldn't decide between our 3 favorites. I thought I would get the input of our moms - they are both ridiculously excited about the wedding and love all the planning I include them on. Side note: FI and I are paying for the wedding entirely by ourselves.

I sent pictures of the 3 to my mom, then to FMIL. FMIL (who I have an awesome relationship with and love to death) then called me. She said, "I really love the black and white one. And I loved the way it's worded - 'together with their parents!' That's so sweet. I love it."

So, eek. We're paying for everything ourselves. I wasn't planning on including any mention of our parents on our invitation. But I really don't want to hurt FMIL's feelings. I very well could just not mention it again and just print the invites like I was planning too. But again, what if she then sees the invite and is hurt she's not included? Gah.

Does it really matter to you and your FI if you put "together with their parents" on the invite? I realize that you and your FI are paying for and hosting the wedding, but if that little bit of wording makes your FMIL that happy then what does it really hurt?

grumbledore · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I ordered some samples of invites last week. They arrived yesterday. FI and I couldn't decide between our 3 favorites. I thought I would get the input of our moms - they are both ridiculously excited about the wedding and love all the planning I include them on. Side note: FI and I are paying for the wedding entirely by ourselves.

I sent pictures of the 3 to my mom, then to FMIL. FMIL (who I have an awesome relationship with and love to death) then called me. She said, "I really love the black and white one. And I loved the way it's worded - 'together with their parents!' That's so sweet. I love it."

So, eek. We're paying for everything ourselves. I wasn't planning on including any mention of our parents on our invitation. But I really don't want to hurt FMIL's feelings. I very well could just not mention it again and just print the invites like I was planning too. But again, what if she then sees the invite and is hurt she's not included? Gah.

I think it's nice to say "together with their families" - it's a harmless gesture. My mother may not even be at my wedding, but my brother has been helping me make decisions and FI's parents want to help us, we will definitely use this language.

emmyg65 · February 2014

This is such a small, harmless way to make your FMIL happy that I don't know why you'd skip it.

Inkdancer · February 2014

Also, "together with their families" doesn't necessarily imply that the families are paying. Instead, it suggests that this is a family event, and everyone is gathering to wish you well in your new marriage.

I would go ahead and do it.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Ok, here's another question then. On our wedding day, FI will be 41 and I will be 34. Would you side-eye people that are "older" putting "together with their parents" on their invitation?

If it will make FMIL, I will definitely put it on there. I'm very much a person that likes to keep the peace and again, I love her. So I will do it.

pumpkinsandturkeys · February 2014

It's such a little thing, and I don't think your ages matter in this situation. You are celebrating with them, right? And I'm sure that both sets of parents are excited to welcome friends and family to your wedding, just as you are. Just because they're not contributing financially doesn't mean that they're not supportive in other ways, and I think that's what matters here.

antoto · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Ok, here's another question then. On our wedding day, FI will be 41 and I will be 34. Would you side-eye people that are "older" putting "together with their parents" on their invitation?

If it will make FMIL, I will definitely put it on there. I'm very much a person that likes to keep the peace and again, I love her. So I will do it.

I wouldn't side eye. It's a family event no matter what your age is. I think it's very sweet.

photokitty · February 2014

Who's paying doesn't matter in regard to the wording on the invitations. It indicates the hosts or who is hosting the guests. Hosting does not always include paying. You can host without paying and pay without hosting. If your parents will be greeting guests and making sure their needs are being taken care of though out the day then they are hosts and listing them is proper

We paid for our wedding (minus my dress- dad bought it as my gift- and few small things), I was 34 and DH was 40 and we put "together with their parents." Our parents functioned as hosts throughout the day and we wanted to indicate that to our guests

Maggie0829 · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Ok, here's another question then. On our wedding day, FI will be 41 and I will be 34. Would you side-eye people that are "older" putting "together with their parents" on their invitation?

If it will make FMIL, I will definitely put it on there. I'm very much a person that likes to keep the peace and again, I love her. So I will do it.

I wouldn't side-eye that at all. Just because you are older doesn't mean that your families aren't allowed to show their support. Like antoto said, it is a family event regardless of everyone's age.

melbelleup · February 2014

We're using it, but had to convince our parents into it. They wanted their names on it... It would be way too wordy for us.. BUT if it makes your FMIL happy, even though you guys are paying for it all, it shows that they are hosting too and it is after all a family event

climbingsingle · February 2014

Ok, thanks everyone!!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

I wouldn't side-eye it at all. I think if it males your FMIL happy, and you have a good relationship with her, go for it!

Amyzen83 · February 2014

Fi and I did join the fi's last name and my last name families as we celebrate love friendship and family as...

I personally despise any mention of so and so and so and so as "their children" or variations of children because anybody getting married should be a grown adult but that's just my own personal preference.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Amyzen83 said:

Fi and I did join the fi's last name and my last name families as we celebrate love friendship and family as... I personally despise any mention of so and so and so and so as "their children" or variations of children because anybody getting married should be a grown adult but that's just my own personal preference.

That is true that people should be adults and mature enough to get married but it isn't wrong to list the parents and then state that their daughter or son is to wed so and so. It is a fact that the person getting married is the child of the parent listed. So I really don't see that as being not appropriate nor is it saying that these two people aren't adults because their parents are listed on the invite.

melbenso · February 2014

We are paying for our wedding ourselves, but still included "together with their families" on our invite. The invite names the people who are hosting the wedding (i.e. receiving guests, etc.). That may or may not be the same people who are paying for the wedding. It's not about getting credit for shelling out cash. My parents and FI's mom (his dad passed away several years ago) will certainly be greeting and receiving guests along with us, despite the fact that we are the ones paying for their meal, etc.

In the end, pick the invites and the language you like best. But I wouldn't worry too much about whether to include "together with their parents."

photokitty · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Amyzen83 said:

Fi and I did join the fi's last name and my last name families as we celebrate love friendship and family as... I personally despise any mention of so and so and so and so as "their children" or variations of children because anybody getting married should be a grown adult but that's just my own personal preference.

That is true that people should be adults and mature enough to get married but it isn't wrong to list the parents and then state that their daughter or son is to wed so and so. It is a fact that the person getting married is the child of the parent listed. So I really don't see that as being not appropriate nor is it saying that these two people aren't adults because their parents are listed on the invite.

It really has nothing to do with age or maturity.

The parents are often hosts because of who the guests are and the timing of things. For example, the B&G cannot host their guests at cocktail hour if they are off having their photos taken instead.

To quote @Jen4948 bc she says it so well:

A wedding "host" is someone who issues the invitations, receives the replies, greets the guests at the wedding, and makes sure their needs are attended to. It is possible to pay for all or any part of a wedding without performing the duties of a "host." If that's what any parent is doing, then they should not be listed on the invitation.

The wedding invitation is not a playbill, and its purpose is to honor the guests, not the hosts, by asking for the honour of the presence or the pleasure of the company of the guests at the wedding.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Well, I am sending out the invites and receiving the replies. FI and I will be greeting all the guests. Now I'm confused.

Inkdancer · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Well, I am sending out the invites and receiving the replies. FI and I will be greeting all the guests. Now I'm confused.

Don't be confused! It's easy to get that way but also easy to fix.

1. If your parents are acting as hosts (greeting guests, receiving replies, being the go-to people) then their names should be listed on the invitation, because they are the ones giving the party.
2. The people who are paying for the wedding do not necessarily have to be listed by name. Providing the finances for the wedding is not the same as hosting. If all of the contracts and major decisions have been made by someone who is paying, they are probably a host and item 1 now applies.
3. The bride and groom should always be listed by name.

Since, in your case, you and your FI are hosting and paying for your own wedding, nobody but the two of you needs to be listed by name on the invitation.

However, as a gesture of good faith, you can say "together with their parents/ families" to indicate that your families are celebrating your marriage with you and are excited to see you come together. This has nothing to do with hosting or paying.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Ok, got it. Thank you!

Maggie0829 · February 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Well, I am sending out the invites and receiving the replies. FI and I will be greeting all the guests. Now I'm confused.

And that is fine but again, if the wording makes your FMIL happy then there including it, even if she technically isn't a host isn't a big deal.

phira · February 2014

Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Inkdancer · February 2014

@phira I tend to think that too, but it isn't always true.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

phira said:
Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Nope. I have always thought that, too. I've always thought it was just a way to indicate that the families approve of the union but the couple is paying.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Ah, see, I always assumed that any mention of families meant they were hosting the event.

Anyway, I will definitely be including that wording on the invite. It will make FMIL (and probably my mom) happy.

tammym1001 · February 2014

FI and I are paying for and hosting our own wedding. We did not include any names on our invitations except our own, i.e. "The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Tammy and FI".

If one of our parents would have inquired about invitation wording or mentioned anything about being on it we would have gladly added "Together with their families" even though they aren't hosting at all.

missnc77 · February 2014

phira said:

Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Oh, no. Really? Both sets of our parents are contributing, and we are also carrying a lot of the cost. I thought "Together with our families..." captured this? Both sets of parents have been divorced, his parents remarried, mine are in long-term relationships. We needed to find a simple way to acknowledge that they contributed without us listing 4 sets of people plus our own names. What other way is there to possibly do this if not "Together with our families..."

Edit: I went to double check, we said "Together with our Parents"

photokitty · February 2014

missnc77 said:

phira said:

Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Oh, no. Really? Both sets of our parents are contributing, and we are also carrying a lot of the cost. I thought "Together with our families..." captured this? Both sets of parents have been divorced, his parents remarried, mine or in long-term relationships. We needed to find a simple way to acknowledge that they contributed without us listing 4 sets of people plus our own names. What other way is there to possibly do this if not "Together with our families…"

Good news…it's nobody's business who is paying and the invite does not indicate who is paying, regardless of how people inturpt it. The invite merely indicates who is hosting, hosting =/= paying, although hosts sometimes do pay. You can use this wording in your case.

phira · February 2014

missnc77 said:

phira said:

Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Oh, no. Really? Both sets of our parents are contributing, and we are also carrying a lot of the cost. I thought "Together with our families..." captured this? Both sets of parents have been divorced, his parents remarried, mine are in long-term relationships. We needed to find a simple way to acknowledge that they contributed without us listing 4 sets of people plus our own names. What other way is there to possibly do this if not "Together with our families..."

Edit: I went to double check, we said "Together with our Parents"

Oh, I meant that when I saw that, I didn't assume that parents were hosting.

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the whole wedding, and the invitation is like, "Mr and Mrs So-and-So invite you to witness the marriage of their daughter So-and-So to What's-his-Face."

So "Together with their families" became invitation wording when you wanted to include your parents on the invitation without indicating that one set of parents was hosting. Or something.

AddieCake · February 2014

My dad paid for our whole wedding, and we used "Together with their families." I always see this as a non-issue.

Sars06 · February 2014

photokitty said:

missnc77 said:

phira said:

Am I the only person who thought "together with our families" was invitation wording that indicated that the couple was paying for their own wedding?

Either way, it doesn't sound like this is a hill to die on.

Oh, no. Really? Both sets of our parents are contributing, and we are also carrying a lot of the cost. I thought "Together with our families..." captured this? Both sets of parents have been divorced, his parents remarried, mine or in long-term relationships. We needed to find a simple way to acknowledge that they contributed without us listing 4 sets of people plus our own names. What other way is there to possibly do this if not "Together with our families…"

Good news…it's nobody's business who is paying and the invite does not indicate who is paying, regardless of how people inturpt it. The invite merely indicates who is hosting, hosting =/= paying, although hosts sometimes do pay. You can use this wording in your case.

Well said. The notion that the invitation denotes who is signing the checks is so crass. As if guests care who is paying or view the invitation as a way to ascertain who is paying.

Possible problem with invitation wording. Eek.

Re: Possible problem with invitation wording. Eek.

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