What is included in the budget?

CMGragain · February 2014

OK, it's been almost three years since daughter's wedding, and DH is still occasionally pitching a fit about the cost.
This is what I included in the budget I gave him: dress, veil, church fees, reception venue with food and drink, flowers, invitations and postage, music, photography.

He insists that I should have included the airfare it cost us to fly from CO to Maryland, hotel costs for us, car rental for us, my suit (It was $35 on eBay, for heaven's sake!), food costs while we were in town and gasoline, plus our pet sitting costs for the cat. I say he's full of it. Who's right?

He seems to enjoy telling people that I went way over budget.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

Wow, that's a long time to fixate on something like that!

I think your DH is conflating the cost of hosting the wedding (the budget you gave him) with the cost of attending the wedding (which he wants to add). I would not include the costs of attendance in the wedding "budget." As far as I'm concerned, you're right on this.

By the way, I think you and the rest of the parents on here who paid for your kids' weddings are awesome. My parents aren't doing that for me (or college... or anything) and although everybody says nobody owes you anything for your wedding, it really does get me down sometimes. Fi and I hope and plan to be able to do that for our kids one day.

CMGragain · February 2014

I paid for my daughter's wedding because I wanted her to have better than I had. I think most parents feel that way. She will pay me back when she raises educated, polite and moral grandchildren! I'm very happy for her, and so is DH.
You are right about his being fixated. It's tax time. He's a retired electronic engineer who was fairly high up the ladder at the Department of Defense. He is not easy to live with, but I knew that when I married him 37 years ago. He is the most stubborn man alive! Good thing he married a woman with backbone!
Oh, BTW. Daughter married his clone! She worked weekends and summers as soon as she was 16 to help pay for her education, and got a free ride on scholarship the last two years. I'm so proud of her!

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

You are.

Tell him to think of it this way: If you hadn't hosted, you would still have incurred all those costs to attend your daughter's (or anyone else's!) wedding.

The costs of attending a wedding are separate from the costs of hosting.

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

My FSIL is having a similar issue where her Dad knows jut enough to be dangerous, and is freaking out thinking she's spending tons of money (while they're actually saving on the venue and food, as a family friend offered them his horse ranch complete with a carriage house he uses for parties, and also offered to make food at cost).

Evil Chipmunk suggested she look at the "costs of weddings" website, print up the costs for her area, and show it to him, saying, this is how much stuff costs, but WE ARE NOT SPENDING THIS MUCH SO CALM DOWN.

AprilH81 · February 2014

Totally different budgets... My sister did a destination wedding in Florida (95% of the guests lived in Ohio at the time). She treated the travel expenses as a vacation since the immediate family chose to stay in Florida the week after the honeymoon. The wedding was something completely different.

blabla89 · February 2014

Three years ago? Seriously? While I think you're right, it's a moot point and he needs to get over it.

SBmini · February 2014

Wow, he needs to get over this. That water is so far under the bridge now that it isn't even worth discussing. Honestly- what does he expect you to do? Build a time machine, go back and change how things were? Then he'd complain about the cost of the time machine! You need to tell him that it is in the past and it's time to get over it.

climbingsingle · February 2014

You're right. But it's been three years. Why is he still bringing this up? I think it's time to move on.

thisismynickname2 · February 2014

While I agree that the cost of hosting a wedding is separate from the cost of attending the wedding, if you are doing both, the budgets do go together. I would say that you did not go over budget, but (three years ago!) you probably should have presented the cost-of-attendance budget at the same time. However, the cost of attendance budget seems no different from the cost to go visit your family for any other occasion. Perhaps he just enjoys getting a rise out of you.

HobokensFury · February 2014

Totally unrelated but how's your grandson?

CMGragain · February 2014

Grandson is perfect, thanks! I just ordered him a new toy on amazon.com and had it shipped to their house. He's 9 months old, crawling around their house, and driving his Mom crazy! (Ha,ha! Payback!) They are coming to visit us in October. I'm paying! DH will probably fuss about that, too, but he wants to see him.
DH still occasionally complains that I had a few hundred dollars in debt when we were married. That was 37 years ago! He is obsessive, but I knew that when I married him. He sqeazes pennies for blood, even though we have plenty of money. He obsesses over the cost of gasoline when we fill the tank, turns off lights around the house, keeps the temperature low in winter (I've gotten used to it.), always uses coupons for restaurants and senior citizen deals. Then when we have a vacation, we go on luxury cruises. I'll never understand it, but I like having the security of money in the bank and no debts. Odd thing is, his parents were wealthy, and mine were poor. I think it's a engineering thing.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Add me to the list wondering why your DH is still complaining about the cost of your daughters wedding which occurred three years ago. He needs to move on.

CMGragain · February 2014

I think what really makes me angry is that I was so proud of being able to pay for a nice wedding in the Washington DC area for $11,000. That took some careful planning and shopping! He's never acknowledged that I kept our costs low.
Well, he's not going to change. If anything, men get more rigid as time passes. Lucky for him, he's good in bed. :-)

Maggie0829 · February 2014

I think what really makes me angry is that I was so proud of being able to pay for a nice wedding in the Washington DC area for $11,000. That took some careful planning and shopping! He's never acknowledged that I kept our costs low.
Well, he's not going to change. If anything, men get more rigid as time passes. Lucky for him, he's good in bed. :-)

That is impressive. DC is freaking expensive! I plan meetings and conferences down there for work and it is really hard to find nice locations plus food with the limited funds that we are given.

erinlin25 · February 2014

agree that the wedding budget would be the hosted portion, not attendance portion. I was lucky enough that my parents hosted/paid for my wedding and I know the budget my dad gave me had nothing to do with his suit, the hotel, gas, etc. It was an extra cost to them, but it did not effect my budget.

H&I paid for our rings, license, gifts, our hotel, DYI decor we wanted (card box, escort cards, cake topper, etc), his suit (technically his was free but we paid the "over budget" portion for the guys); my shoes, etc.

firebabe6519 · February 2014

Kudos to you for managing to keep the wedding costs low. That is impressive for that area. Also its amazing that you would offer to cover those costs.

What is included in the budget?

Re: What is included in the budget?

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