how do you feel about an engagement ring upgrade?

meds86 · January 2014

I have a simple round solitaire that is absolutely gorgeous. round center diamond, and platinum band. We just bought our wedding rings and I got a diamond eternity band. Is it wrong to want diamonds on my engagement band too? I want to keep everything exactly the same but change the band to match the wedding band. Am I being crazy?

JennyColada · January 2014

I don't think you're being crazy. You like what you like. Have you seen the set together? Often when there's a diamond eternity band and an e-ring with lots of bling it can be a bit overwhelming visually. But it's your ring and so long as you're happy with it that's what counts.

Is money a thought for you? You could always update your ring later on (my dad got my mom a whole new set on their 15th anniversary).

Dignity100 · January 2014

My e-ring is a solitare while the wedding band is more of the eternity style (pictures are in the show your e-ring post of both e-ring and e-ring w/band). What I'd like to do is to eventually get another wedding band made to go on the other side of my ring.

KatWAG · January 2014

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade. Talk to your fi, figure out how he feels about it. If he is okay with it, maybe the upgrade could be an anniversary gift?

H and I have talked and I plan to up grade to a bigger center stone in a few years. Maybe our 5 year anniversary. Or as a push present.

CJandRyan · January 2014

I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not like you're unhappy with your ring or want to change it because you don't like it. You're doing it to match the wedding band, I think that's perfectly fine!

jenna8984 · January 2014

KatWAG said:

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade. Talk to your fi, figure out how he feels about it. If he is okay with it, maybe the upgrade could be an anniversary gift?

H and I have talked and I plan to up grade to a bigger center stone in a few years. Maybe our 5 year anniversary. Or as a push present.

Sorry, don't mean to be rude but you legitimately buy into the push present thing!!?!? I find it so messed up that any mother would be concerned about receiving a gift for having a baby. A healthy baby IS the gift of a lifetime!!!!

meds86 · January 2014

OK, you guys are making me feel better about this! I think I need to word it as that I want to match the e-ring with the wedding ring. I kind of brought it up before as "wouldn't it look great to have a bit more bling," and my fiance was offended.... I guess it's about the approach?!

KatWAG · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

KatWAG said:

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade. Talk to your fi, figure out how he feels about it. If he is okay with it, maybe the upgrade could be an anniversary gift?

H and I have talked and I plan to up grade to a bigger center stone in a few years. Maybe our 5 year anniversary. Or as a push present.
Sorry, don't mean to be rude but you legitimately buy into the push present thing!!?!? I find it so messed up that any mother would be concerned about receiving a gift for having a baby. A healthy baby IS the gift of a lifetime!!!!

@jenn8984 Lets not get all worked up. Yes I realize that a healthy baby is a gift. But if H wants to buy me some earrings or upgrade my ring for all the vomitting/ nausuea/ stretch marks/ exhaustion/ etc I will endure for 9 months. Then yes, I am perfectly okay with that.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

jenna8984 said:

KatWAG said:

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade. Talk to your fi, figure out how he feels about it. If he is okay with it, maybe the upgrade could be an anniversary gift?

H and I have talked and I plan to up grade to a bigger center stone in a few years. Maybe our 5 year anniversary. Or as a push present.

Sorry, don't mean to be rude but you legitimately buy into the push present thing!!?!? I find it so messed up that any mother would be concerned about receiving a gift for having a baby. A healthy baby IS the gift of a lifetime!!!!

I am kind of with you on this one. I don't get the push present thing. I don't get that just because the woman carries the child that she deserves a present. I mean, yeah I am sure being pregnant can be difficult at times and some people have really rough pregnancies but, how can I word this so it makes sense...if you and your H or FI or boyfriend want a baby then sometimes you have to endure the rough patches to get what you both want. And I am sure many men out there would carry that growing baby if they could to share some of the rough patches with you. I mean you both made the baby and just because the guy can't carry it doesn't mean that the woman deserves more congratulations in the end. I mean, in some cases the guys should also get a push present for having to put up with all the vomiting, nausea, exhaustion, requests, etc that some pregnant women put them through.

JennyColada · January 2014

meds86 said:

OK, you guys are making me feel better about this! I think I need to word it as that I want to match the e-ring with the wedding ring. I kind of brought it up before as "wouldn't it look great to have a bit more bling," and my fiance was offended.... I guess it's about the approach?!

Yes certainly. It's not about "honey you didn't do good enough" it's about "sweetie isn't this a great thing that we can do together!"

Maybe bringing it up before even the wedding might make him feel a little touchy (I mean, he wants you to enjoy his gift to you, and trying to change it so soon could be a little offensive regardless of how you phrase it).

Hrm... I'll give it a think though and if I come up with anything I'll let you know.

vt&dt · January 2014

I don't get the push present thing either. I'd consider a supportive husband during the pregnancy and labor a gift... Someone who runs out at weird hours to get the food the pregnant wife is craving, gives back/foot/whatever is sore massages, etc. is better than any jewelry present.

OP, if I were your FI and had picked out your engagement ring, it would definitely hurt my feelings that you wanted to change it so significantly and so soon. I am not a jeweler, but I don't think you can add diamonds to an existing band - you'd need to get a whole new ring/setting and only keep the center stone.

I'd consider whether it's worth the risk of offending him/hurting his feelings before you ask for this. Also, I really like the look of a plain band on the e-ring and diamonds on the wedding band. I think it's very classic and helps the wedding band look special - sometimes (especially when they aren't intended to be a set) diamonds on both bands can be a little much.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

vt&dt said:

I don't get the push present thing either. I'd consider a supportive husband during the pregnancy and labor a gift... Someone who runs out at weird hours to get the food the pregnant wife is craving, gives back/foot/whatever is sore massages, etc. is better than any jewelry present.

OP, if I were your FI and had picked out your engagement ring, it would definitely hurt my feelings that you wanted to change it so significantly and so soon. I am not a jeweler, but I don't think you can add diamonds to an existing band - you'd need to get a whole new ring/setting and only keep the center stone.

I'd consider whether it's worth the risk of offending him/hurting his feelings before you ask for this. Also, I really like the look of a plain band on the e-ring and diamonds on the wedding band. I think it's very classic and helps the wedding band look special - sometimes (especially when they aren't intended to be a set) diamonds on both bands can be a little much.

Thank you for saying what I was thinking.

jenna8984 · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

jenna8984 said:

KatWAG said:

I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade. Talk to your fi, figure out how he feels about it. If he is okay with it, maybe the upgrade could be an anniversary gift?

H and I have talked and I plan to up grade to a bigger center stone in a few years. Maybe our 5 year anniversary. Or as a push present.

Sorry, don't mean to be rude but you legitimately buy into the push present thing!!?!? I find it so messed up that any mother would be concerned about receiving a gift for having a baby. A healthy baby IS the gift of a lifetime!!!!

I am kind of with you on this one. I don't get the push present thing. I don't get that just because the woman carries the child that she deserves a present. I mean, yeah I am sure being pregnant can be difficult at times and some people have really rough pregnancies but, how can I word this so it makes sense...if you and your H or FI or boyfriend want a baby then sometimes you have to endure the rough patches to get what you both want. And I am sure many men out there would carry that growing baby if they could to share some of the rough patches with you. I mean you both made the baby and just because the guy can't carry it doesn't mean that the woman deserves more congratulations in the end. I mean, in some cases the guys should also get a push present for having to put up with all the vomiting, nausea, exhaustion, requests, etc that some pregnant women put them through.

Agreed Maggie!!! Also I don't think it gives you a free pass for the rest of your life....every time we get a snow storm I help my FI shovel because we're a team and the house belongs to both of us so why should it only be his responsibility? Granted I don't have children yet, but I have at least 5 friends who sit inside and "I gave birth- he can shovel!!" Really? You gave birth 4 years ago and you now have a pass at life on being a thoughtful, helping wife? (and I'm not talking about the logistics of leaving kids inside alone, that's fine if that's your excuse but to just flat out say that you won't help because you gave birth...)

vt&dt · January 2014

^^ This. Thank you.

I mean, if I was sick and super pregnant, I may sit out of shoveling/mowing then... but unless I'm frequently vomiting or told by a doctor to avoid physical work like that, I'll be out helping.

And when my sisters and I were 4-5 we helped shovel almost every time. We didn't have to be left alone inside at all... though I'm not sure we were much help, haha!

Uklaw88 · January 2014

I think the idea of an engagement ring is to remind you both of where you first started out. Changing the engagement ring completely defeats the purpose of why he gave you the ring in the first place - then it just becomes another piece of jewelry and not your engagement ring.

I was lucky enough to absolutely love my engagement ring. It's not big, it's not flashy, but it's the ring he picked out for me. My engagement ring has diamonds on the band, but I'm opting to go with a plain band to compliment the engagement ring. It's not always about diamonds. It should be about the time and effort that went into the relationship and him picking out a ring he thought was perfect for you.

Mitch617 · January 2014

I also wouldn't want to change the e-ring he gave you. Especially so soon. If you really didn't like the ring, it might be worth thinking about but it sounds like you do like it, just wish it had a little something extra. Your fiance might feel hurt because it sounds like "I love my ring, but I know something that would make it better"

For my taste, a plain band on the e-ring with a diamond in the middle goes beautifully with a diamond wedding band. No need for two bands of diamonds.

Nikita2013 · January 2014

I had the same situation with my fiance. I didn't like my engagement ring at first either, we've been engaged for 6 months and as time has passed I realized how much I do like it. My fiance is gonna get me another ring as as anniversary present eventually but that's completely his choice. Anyway, I would say to ask for it as an anniversary present. But its up to you utimately what you decide its between you and your fiance.

grumbledore · January 2014

meds86 said:

I have a simple round solitaire that is absolutely gorgeous. round center diamond, and platinum band. We just bought our wedding rings and I got a diamond eternity band. Is it wrong to want diamonds on my engagement band too? I want to keep everything exactly the same but change the band to match the wedding band. Am I being crazy?

Personally I don't like it when people upgrade their engagement rings. That said, it's yours and you should do whatever you and your FI are comfortable with.

CMGragain · January 2014

I wore a simple solitaire for the first 25 years of marriage. On that anniversary, DH gave me a wrap ring that fit around my original engagement ring and gives the effect of a single ring with side diamonds.
Be content with what you are given for now.

hannahkay2017 · February 2014

I think an upgrade would be a great anniversary present, but I've helped some of my male friends pick out rings, and I know that most men put in a lot of effort to find the perfect ring. There's this saying "wrong ring, wrong guy." It haunted my friend Paul throughout the whole process. He was so scared that if he got the wrong ring his fi would leave him. If you suggest it, make sure he knows how much you appreciate the ring he got you, and that you appreciate how much time and energy went into buying it. I'm sure he won't mind.

fourtsixand2 · February 2014

In my personal opinion, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting an upgrade, considering this is something you should be wearing the rest of your life and you should be happy with it. But, do take your FI's feelings into consideration if he was the one who picked out the ring and feel him out. I wouldn't want him to feel like it wasn't good enough, so just reassure him he did a great job!

fourtsixand2 · February 2014

I didn't read your response to a previous poster before I answered. I apologize. I still stand by what I said - it's your ring and you should love it. But, you aren't married yet. You've picked out a blingy eternity band. Maybe wait it out for a while and see if you still feel the same after you're married. If your FI was offended you asked, maybe drop it for a while and address the need for more bling after you're married and moving toward an anniversary. It's about the love, not the ring. If you already love it, embrace what you have and see if you still want more later.

flyingfoxes · February 2014

I can see upgrading as an anniversary present. My BFF wants a whole new set for their 20th anniversary, and why not? They will be in a much better financial situation to get her what she dreams of, and 20 years is a good accomplishment.

Another friend wants a new set for their 10th. I think modifying the engagement ring isn't such a great idea if it will hurt your fiance's feelings.

JoyceDavid · February 2014

There is nothing wrong in thinking this. Having both the things in a perfect match will be a beautiful thing to do.

how do you feel about an engagement ring upgrade?

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