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Together 10+yrs, engaged 6+yrs, 2 kids 6&1, do we forget a wedding?

farrismfarrism member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My boyfriend/fiancé and I have been together now almost 11 years. We got engaged six years ago and found out I was pregnant 1 month later. Decided to hold off until after the baby. Then after the baby, we held off longer because we wanted to buy a house. That took two more years because we had a condo to sell in a recession. Then we sort of lost touch with the idea. Last year we decided to have another baby since my BF/FI was 38 and felt he wasn't getting any younger. Well now we have our home and our kids, all that is left is our marriage. Is it stupid to have a big wedding now after all this time? Any suggestions for alternative style weddings? Problem is, my BF/FI wants the big white wedding, I'd be fine with Vegas, all I care about is wearing a dress.
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Re: Together 10+yrs, engaged 6+yrs, 2 kids 6&1, do we forget a wedding?

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wedding = bride, groom, officiant, license, legal witnesses.

    I think a wedding is a lovely idea.  Besides the necessary things listed above, what else would the two of you like to have?  White wedding dress - no problem.  Guests - that is up to the two of you.  If you do have guests, you must feed them something after the ceremony.  That is called a reception.

    You need to talk and decide what is important to the two of you.  There are no rules about what kind of wedding you should have.  As long as you host any guests properly, it is your own, personal choice.
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Ditto PPs.

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    SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
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    You can still have whatever wedding you and your FI agree on. If you have guests host them properly and you are good to go.
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    farrismfarrism member
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    Thank you so much for the responses. They are all great. I guess I am just worried about what people will think and whether or not they will look at us funny if we go sending out invitations for the more traditional type wedding when we don't have the traditional type situation.
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    I don't think anybody would look at you funny, and if they do, they probably are not great friends.  Ditto CMGragain on all you need for a wedding.  It doesn't have to be OTT unless you want it that way.  And if you want a big OTT wedding, have fun!

    Fi and I have been together 11 years, lived together for about 4-5 years, and are getting married in a big poofy traditional wedding next year with 12 years together under our belt.  No kids, but otherwise our situation sounds a lot like yours.  People do it all the time!
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    I'm in a situation similar to @JCBride2014 (Hi, Life-Twin!) - FI and I were already together for just over 10 years when we got engaged, long engagement, 12.5 years together by the time of our wedding. FI wanted a more traditional wedding where I wanted to just elope. We compromised by doing a smallish (100 guests, which is pretty small for our neck of the woods) garden wedding. While there's going to be a lot of attention on us since we're getting married, we want it to be more of a "just a party" vibe.

    Friends of mine did a pool party/BBQ wedding at the groom's parents' house. It was SUPER casual, and they fed about 150 people on a very limited budget. It was mostly non-traditional but they still had some traditional elements. It was really lovely, and we still consider it one of the best weddings we've ever been to. While I don't think anyone would or should side-eye you if you choose to have a traditional wedding, know that there are lots of different ways to have a wedding that are perfectly acceptable.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Cookie Pusher said:
    I'm in a situation similar to @JCBride2014 (Hi, Life-Twin!) - FI and I were already together for just over 10 years when we got engaged, long engagement, 12.5 years together by the time of our wedding. FI wanted a more traditional wedding where I wanted to just elope. We compromised by doing a smallish (100 guests, which is pretty small for our neck of the woods) garden wedding. While there's going to be a lot of attention on us since we're getting married, we want it to be more of a "just a party" vibe.

    Friends of mine did a pool party/BBQ wedding at the groom's parents' house. It was SUPER casual, and they fed about 150 people on a very limited budget. It was mostly non-traditional but they still had some traditional elements. It was really lovely, and we still consider it one of the best weddings we've ever been to. While I don't think anyone would or should side-eye you if you choose to have a traditional wedding, know that there are lots of different ways to have a wedding that are perfectly acceptable.
    Hi Cookie!  Life-twins indeed.

    And yes, there is a big sliding scale between huge/poofy and tiny/private.  OP, do what feels right for you.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    OP I say you guys should do what you want.
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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    I think anyone who would side-eye you for this can GTFO themselves, quite frankly. I think a wedding would be awesome!

    I do think you and your FI should compromise between what you want (elopement, which is small) and what he wants (big) so that you both get elements that you want.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Do it!
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Another vote for do it!!
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    melbensomelbenso member
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    It's not weird at all to have a big wedding or a small one in your situation.  A friend of mine had something similar happen.  Got engaged.  Found out she was pregnant and put off the wedding.  Seven years and three kids later they got married last summer.  It wasn't a huge wedding, but certainly not a tiny one either.  White dress, tuxes, ceremony and reception for about 80 people.  Her kids were their best men and maid of honor.
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    HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    Personally, if I got a wedding invite from someone in your situation, I would be very happy and excited for them, wether it was a big wedding or a small one.  I think the amount of time you've been together makes it very sweet, and I certainly wouldn't side-eye you.  
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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    As long as you're not already legally married or portraying yourselves as husband and wife (I don't mean he occasional "meet my husband...oops I mean..." Type things) there is nothing wrong with having a wedding! My dh and I were together for 6 years, have 2 boys, bought a home, everything except the marriage part. It honestly came down to money and me being tired of not sharing everyone's last name. We had a small wedding, but it was a typical wedding nonetheless! Rock it!

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    Alex3MomAlex3Mom member
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    My husband and I had been together a lot longer than you have when we got married three years ago.  We have no children, but we were living together in my condo.  I have never been a big believer in people acquiring children or property without marriage.  That is just asking for a lot of messy, legal complications if/when anything goes wrong.  So you're a little late, but not a big deal.  As far as the wedding itself, we had a beautiful wedding.  It was very intimate (about 40 people) but had all of the components that were important to us: our family and close friends with us, great food, a beautiful setting and I had a beautiful dress.  And no one thought we were silly.  Friends and family were very supportive.  Some casual friends said something along the lines of "It's about time," but mostly every one was happy for us and happy to be a part of our celebration.  My vote is definitely do it, select the type of wedding that makes you happy and enjoy every second of the process. 
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
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    Go for it! one of my best friends was with her husband over 10 years before they finally decided to tie the knot. It was one of the best weddings I've ever been to
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Go ahead and do it.  Best wishes!
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