Seriously? This is what's wrong with (some) weddings.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

I'm all for making your wedding your own. However, I just read a post on another wedding site where the bride is trying to figure out what to write on drink tickets for her wedding.

She says they're having the reception at a distillery/brewery/winery, and want to encourage their guests to enjoy all of the delicious alcoholic beverages available on-site... They just won't be hosting the bar. So they're offering each guest one free drink ticket (which will be a surprise to their guests). She has also sent invites already, and none of her guests know it will be a cash bar.

Really? You're choosing to have your reception at a location that produces alcohol, and you won't pay for your guests to enjoy said alcohol. That's just torture!

Also, someone replied and said that while she's normally against cash bars because people only have two-ish drinks at weddings (riiiight) and you should be able to host that, in this case, she's in favour of it because there will be SO much alcohol on the premises that people will likely want to try it all and overindulge, and that would send the bar bill through the roof.

Sighhhhhhh. I do not understand.

banana468 · March 2014

This is actually infuriating. I loathe drink tickets and I certainly wouldn't be a fan of a B&G who only bought me ONE drink.

Sugargirl1019 · March 2014

Omg. I was furious at a 3 drink limit (which the wait staff kept taking before the drink was finished!) But this is just awful - I would be upset as a guest to stare at all the lovely different drinks and not be able to try then because I didn't bring money to a wedding because I didn't think the b&g would be rude and have a cash bar.

MurphyWeddingBT · March 2014

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Blue_Bird · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Actually, it was the couple's choice to serve alcohol, so they should host it. If they couldn't afford that, simply have a dry wedding, or not at a winery. Clearly, the location was more important to them than their guests.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Stuck in box

GEE, could it be possible that there are ways other than trimming a guest list where you can host your guests appropriately AND still have a lovely wedding? Mind blowing, isn't it?

monkeysip · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Lol... being on a budget is NOT an excuse. If you can't afford to host alcohol, then SHOCK, host a dry wedding! What's wrong with that? I know plenty of couples who wanted to be able to afford to have all their friends and family there, so they just have a wedding without alcohol! Saves tons of money!

Or they host only beer/wine. Or have it at a venue where they can bring their only alcohol, even if it's just a cooler of beers. NOTHING wrong with that!

But to purposefully have it at a brewery/winery and make your guests pay? That is tacky tacky tacky.

It's like food. I would have LOVED to have fed my guests filet mignon and lobster. But I couldn't afford that. Nothing wrong with not having steak and lobster for your guests. But it would be rude to feed my guests chicken, and then have an optional buffet of filet mignon and lobster for those guests who want to pay for it!

If you can't afford to pay for it... then don't offer it at all!

Senecaf · March 2014

A bride and groom on a budget shouldn't host and event at a location that encourages alcohol consumption but refuse to host said consomption.

That to me is almost more rude than a strait up cash bar.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Excuse me? Right -- because I'm the type of person who is so petty that I would resort to spitefulness because I wasn't invited to a wedding with a cash bar (please note the sarcasm dripping from this line). Kudos for making assumptions about the type of person I am.

I never said they had to trim the guest list. I simply think the juxtaposition of a cash bar against a venue that is swimming in alcohol is hilarious. And cash bars are never acceptable -- however, dry weddings certainly are. They could absolutely host the same number of people at a venue that doesn't revolve around booze and not offer alcohol, as alcohol is never a requirement for a reception.

The cash bar and drink tickets are the issue, particularly in the context of their venue.

Edited for spelling

banana468 · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:
Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Budget it never an excuse for rudeness. I'm on a budget. How about I only cover your sides but the meat for your dinner is your expense?

lyndausvi · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Stuck in box

GEE, could it be possible that there are ways other than trimming a guest list where you can host your guests appropriately AND still have a lovely wedding? Mind blowing, isn't it?

THIS ^

Seriously, who has a reception at a place that revolves around alcohol and doesn't provide the alcohol? It would be like having a reception at a bakery and then only getting A small, little cookie to taste. What a tease.

HaileyDancingbear · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:

Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Whoops you guessed wrong, for both bolds. First, there are MANY ways to fiddle with your budget to be able to host a bar, or don't fiddle with the budget and just have a dry reception. Second, posters on this site say over and over again on a ton of different threads that a couple should never go into debt for a wedding, so where you got that assumption that we want people to go into debt, I haven't the slightest clue.

All we said was the cash bar was lame, and it is. We didn't say they needed to cut the guest list, we didn't say she needs to go into debt, that's all you. Don't put words into other people's mouths, it only ever backfires and makes you look ridiculous.

ETA: and I'm on a budget too- my guests will be hosted properly and given good food and alcohol, and I won't be making giant cuts to the list. How is that possible???? Priorities. I do not need a designer gown, I do not need expensive decorations, I can DIY and bargain hunt, so that I have money to spend on hosting my guests properly, even if it's just beer, wine, and a mixed drink option.

huskypuppy14 · March 2014

I'm sure the bride will be in a designer dress though. *eye roll*

pinkcow13 · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:
Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

Cash bars are tacky and lame, plain and simple. FI has a huge family. His 21 year old cousin got married. At the time he worked at a department store, and his bride was a receptionist. What did they do? Brought beer, boxed wine, and a few bottles of Bacardi to the reception. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. They were able to properly host each of their guests. My cousin got married in Miami, had a brunch dry reception. Again, nothing wrong with that. As others said, there are other ways to properly host a wedding. A cash bar is not one of them.

AddieCake · March 2014

Why do people think the only options are cash bars (or drink tickets in this case) or open bars? And yeah, having a reception at a place like that and providing hardly any alcohol gets a big WTF from me.

chibiyui · March 2014

Cash bar in venue that makes boozy deliciousness is just poor planning on the part of the B&G.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

MurphyWeddingBT said:
Just a thought, but perhaps the bride and groom are on a budget. To this I have a feeling your next question may be "why wouldn't they just trim the guest list to be able to afford an open bar". Funny you should ask! Can you imagine the nerve of a bride and groom that would rather spend time with as many loved ones as possible instead of go into debt before they are even married? Like omg, I can't believe how selfish they could be to think that wedding attendees would simply be happy for them.

Are you sure this isn't a wedding you know of personally that you weren't invited to, and now you're being spiteful?

You're new here, aren't you?

Seriously? This is what's wrong with (some) weddings.

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