So I have a question that I am posting in here because I
wasn't sure where else to post it. I had thought of posting it in Etiquette but
I am not really looking for the response of what the “book” says you should do
on the matter, but more what you fellow readers feel would be appropriate to
do. Here is the scenario.
My fiancé’s real mother and father got divorced when she was
5 years old and she hadn’t seen her biological father in decades. Her mother
remarried quickly after the divorce and moved the children away from their
biological father. My fiancé became very close to her new adoptive father and
has already decided that she will ask him to walk her down the aisle and do the
FOB dance with her. Over the course of the last few years, my fiancé has gotten
back in touch with her biological father over email and over the last 9 months
they have had dinner together a few times, increasing in regularity. My fiancé now
is questioning whether or not she should invite her biological father to the
wedding. She has already decided that if she invites him, that he would be
there as a guest and that she would not change the current plans of walking
down the aisle with her step-father. Her biological father has already
expressed wishes to come to the wedding.
I personally am all for inviting him. They have really
gotten closer over the last year and I can see that her bio-father and new wife
will be a large part of our new life together as they are down to earth and
share the same values that we both share and we all get along great. I am also
especially for him coming as my father passed away only a few months ago and I
am very much into family at the moment and forgiving the past. My fear is that
she won’t invite him and she will regret it in the future when we all continue
to get closer with each other.
Here is the snag that is making the decision difficult, it’s
the MOB. My fiancé is concerned that if she invites her biological father, that
her mother will flip out at the wedding. She has already expressed her “issues”
with my fiancé asking her step-father to walk her down the aisle. BTW, my fiancé’s
mother and step-father are no longer married either. Her mother is on her 4th
marriage at this point. The step-father was her second marriage, her bio-father
being the first marriage. Her mother is one of those people too that really doesn’t
care about anybody else either. She does what she wants and expects that
everyone should do the same, what SHE wants. She is one of those people that
expects respect automatically from her children because she gave birth to them
but gives no respect in return and talks down to them. My Fiancé is 31 and yet
her mother talks down to her most of the time and tears her down emotionally as
well if she is in a bad mood. Her mother is also not too fond of me any longer
either since I tore her a new one when she told my Fiancé that she would not be
able to go shopping with her for her wedding dress because she didn’t want to
re-arrange her work schedule, after telling us for 2 months that she would be
there “No matter what”. Needless to say she came, but it was a very hectic time
and a story for another time.
So back to the dilemma of if my fiancé should invite her
bio-logical father. Her only real debate is questioning if her mother is going
to pull something at the wedding if he is there. We wouldn’t put it past her to
make a scene because she doesn’t care about who she hurts emotionally (even her
children) and would turn it around in that she was being hurt and become the victim,
BUT at the same time, we are getting closer and closer with her Bio-logical
father and don’t want to exclude them from the wedding either. I told my Fiancé
that if she decides to invite her bio-father that we would sit down and talk to
her mother and tell her that he would be there (so she isn’t finding out AT the
wedding). We can easily sit them away from each other at the wedding reception
and even have them sit near the back of the ceremony seating (small wedding,
only maybe 7 rows of seating).
So my question is what do you guys think? Should she follow
her heart and invite her bio-logical father (as a guest) and just deal with
what may happen with her mother, or would it be best not to invite them and just
hope that her mother doesn’t make a scene because her step-father is walking
her down the aisle whom which she doesn’t like either. I have my own opinion of
which way we should do this, but I have already told my fiancé that I will do
whatever she chooses as it is not really my decision to make. I was just
curious what you guys would do if in the same position? Thanks.