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To Serve Alcohol or not to serve

britrendonbritrendon member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Reception Forum
Ok Ladies.. my question is above. Both my fiance and I do not drink. He doesn't drink AT ALL. And I might have 1 drink of something once a year. We are having a very heartfelt heirloom vintage backyard wedding. I say this because I am 29 and my father just passed away from cancer unexpectedly, and 6 months later my aunt passed away from cancer. We are incorporating many things from them into our wedding. Also many things from our grandparents and such that are no longer here. I have chosen to walk halfway down the aisle unassisted with just the spirit of my father beside me and then my step father will assist me the rest of the way down. Basically what I am getting at is this will be a very emotional day for both of us. If neither of us drink should we will provide alcohol for our guest. Not to mention we are on a $5000 budget with my photographer being $2000 (i will not skimp on my photographer lol). I do want everyone to be able to relax and enjoy themselves after the emotional ceremony. what do you think?
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Re: To Serve Alcohol or not to serve

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    britrendonbritrendon member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Thanks for your reply! my only thing is i don't want people to leave and thing "dang.. i felt like i was at a funeral lol"

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You don't have to serve alcohol if you do not want to.  It is not a requirement.  But I do think it is kind of selfish to spend almost half your budget on a photographer.  I get wanting nice pictures but pictures won't fill your guests bellies.

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    britrendonbritrendon member
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    lol this cracked me up! Im not skimping on food. My mom and step dad graciously offered to pay for all the food for the wedding. :) I am very blessed to have them both. If we were paying for the food I would not be spending that much on this photographer. but she truly is amazing and I have always wanted to work with her. Maybe Ill provide a keg of beer and thats all. My invite list is only 60 people so i shouldnt need too much right?
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    AprilH81AprilH81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Just because it is a dry wedding it won't be a "sad" event like a funeral.  You are completely in the clear to not provide alcohol of any sort, but it is also okay to just do beer and wine.

    I'm sorry for your recent losses, but I would be careful while planning that your wedding doesn't become another funeral with all of the touches that will remind everyone of who isn't there and why.  Especially if you are already concerned that people will think it is a funeral.

    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
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    britrendonbritrendon member
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    Thank you for your reply. I was kind of jokingly stating about the funeral comment. I think it will be great actually. Its a very big deal to me that my father will not be there. So I will have something to honor him ( the Pastor saying a quick something before i walk down the aisle. . I think that will be the most emotional part of the day. After that i think it will lighten up. I like ur idea of only beer and wine. thank you!!
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    It is completely fine to not serve alcohol. But it does trend to take receptions shorter.

    I dont know exactly how you plan to honor your dad, aunt, and grandparents. But in my opinion, less is more. If your pastor says something about your dad, you run the risk of really upsetting people. I would keep this more private.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
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    Consider having beer/wine available.  Or just a bottle of white and a bottle of red on each table at dinner.  Beer/wine is a lot cheaper than full on liquor.  Just two big things:

    1) Don't do a cash bar.  That's just mean.

    2) If you serve alcohol, make sure you've accounted for that on your wedding insurance policy.  The cost of the policy will go up.  If you don't think you need insurance just because it's in a backyard, reconsider.  If someone trips on uneven ground, steps on glass, etc. you could be liable.  These policies are inexpensive--one of my quotes came in at $250.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I am sorry for your losses. People will only think they are at a funeral if you make a lot of obvious references or memorials to the deceased.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you are trying to maintain an heirloom/vintage feel, you could have sparkling lemonades and/or a lemonade "bar" with various fruit infusions.
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    indianaalumindianaalum member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    You don't have to serve alcohol if you do not want to.  It is not a requirement.  But I do think it is kind of selfish to spend almost half your budget on a photographer.  I get wanting nice pictures but pictures won't fill your guests bellies.
    I agree with this statement.

    It is fine with no alcohol, but 40 percent of your budget should be on Food usually
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    There's no requirement that you serve alcohol.

    But so much of your budget is being spent on a photographer that it concerns me that your guests won't get enough to eat or that other corners may get cut that shouldn't.

    That said, I do agree with PPs that you should not overemphasize the absence of your deceased loved ones at your wedding.  Remember, all weddings are supposed to be happy occasions.  Don't turn yours into a memorial service for the dead.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    What's the norm for your family? As an example, my MIL hardly drinks but in the family, everyone else does. Don't base what you intend to host on what you consume. I don't eat salmon but some of our guests did.
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    britrendonbritrendon member
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    Oh my I LOVE this idea!,,
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    britrendonbritrendon member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Maybe I should have clarified a bit. I'm not going to make a bunch of references to the deceased. I will just have a few things of their there that's special to me. Like my great grandparents old bible and a picture of my dad in his seat. Some things people won't even know what they are they will just think decor. :) thank you all for your suggestions. Btw mother is buying all the food so my $5000k budget dilutes food because she is taking care of that and my family is big eaters so there will be more than enough food.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Then the good news is that you have plenty of room to play with when it comes to alcohol.  You can do beer and wine for that amount with no issue.   Remember, what you provide for your guests isn't about what you want unless the no alcohol thing is about a religious belief.    
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    britrendon said:
    Maybe I should have clarified a bit. I'm not going to make a bunch of references to the deceased. I will just have a few things of their there that's special to me. Like my great grandparents old bible and a picture of my dad in his seat. Some things people won't even know what they are they will just think decor. :) thank you all for your suggestions. Btw mother is buying all the food so my $5000k budget dilutes food because she is taking care of that and my family is big eaters so there will be more than enough food.
    Except for the bolded, I think you're fine.

    Pictures of the deceased in "reserved" seats do come across as shoving your grief in the faces of the guests, so we don't advise it.  If you wanted to carry a photo of your dad or something that belonged to him up the aisle with you, that would be a lovely gesture and not in-your-face.
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    britrendon said:
    Maybe I should have clarified a bit. I'm not going to make a bunch of references to the deceased. I will just have a few things of their there that's special to me. Like my great grandparents old bible and a picture of my dad in his seat. Some things people won't even know what they are they will just think decor. :) thank you all for your suggestions. Btw mother is buying all the food so my $5000k budget dilutes food because she is taking care of that and my family is big eaters so there will be more than enough food.
    This is about as subtle as a mack truck. Please reconsider. It might really upset some of your guests.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    If you are concerned that alcohol is the key factor in your wedding not feeling like a funeral, I'm worried you are planning on too much sadness and that it may make your guests uncomfortable.

    And in my circle the post funeral reception at the home always includes drinks, stiff ones and many of them.

    People are coming to celebrate you- your father's spirit doesn't need a special mention for him to be with you and your stepfather as they both walk you down the aisle, for example.
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    MamaAlly89MamaAlly89 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Alcohol is definitely not a requirement although, I think It could possibly set the tone of your reception. Are you looking to have a party atmosphere with lots of dancing and so on? Then I might provide at least some sort of alcohol, beer and wine is fine.

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