Groom in a fedora?

RedJacks25 · March 2014

FI wants to wear a fedora during the ceremony, but he's also afraid it might be considered rude. We are not having our ceremony in a church; it will be outside.

He said: "Ask that online group you always talk about if they think it's rude." So here I am, asking on his behalf.

If our ceremony is outside, do you think it's rude or inconsiderate or (insert anything side-eyeish) if he wears a fedora?

QueerFemme · March 2014

If it's not inside, I don't think it would necessarily be rude. But, for an outdoor wedding, I think it will likely look silly.

LondonLisa · March 2014

Personally, I'm not a fan of fedoras in the slightest (it makes me think of 2004 Justin Timberlake). Things that are "trendy" rapidly date your wedding photos, just look at 80s Bo-peep dresses or powder blue Tuxes. Honestly, if I was at your wedding, all I would be able to think about during the ceremony is the hat and why he was wearing it (and if he had an Ed Hardy shirt on under his dress shirt to match). It is a wedding ceremony, not a nightclub, so yes, I would think it was out of place and a tad disrespectful to the solemn vows you are making.

But, that being said, one should be able to wear whatever they want to in their wedding, and if you were having a really informal wedding (like jeans and shorts informal), then who am I to say otherwise.

But I agree will QueerFemme, I just think it would look silly.

ktjanesmom · March 2014

I agree his head should be uncovered during the ceremony. Would he be happy just wearing it after?

RedJacks25 · March 2014

He almost always wears a fedora in his everyday life (really the only time he takes it off is when we're in restaurants and such), so he said he thinks it'll make him more at ease on the day of because it's something "normal." But he is clearly concerned with what people will think about it, which is why he asked me to ask TK.

I will ask him how he would feel about just wearing it during the reception.

QueerFemme · March 2014

RedJacks25 said:

He almost always wears a fedora in his everyday life (really the only time he takes it off is when we're in restaurants and such), so he said he thinks it'll make him more at ease on the day of because it's something "normal." But he is clearly concerned with what people will think about it, which is why he asked me to ask TK.

I will ask him how he would feel about just wearing it during the reception.

I don't know what the attachment to the fedora is overall, and I get that he will feel more comfortable, but I think people will side-eye it. Not because it's rude, but because it just will seem very out of place for a wedding. Even if people are used to seeing him in it.

doeydo · March 2014

I wouldn't find it rude, but it certainly isn't my style.

LondonLisa · March 2014

RedJacks25 said:

He almost always wears a fedora in his everyday life (really the only time he takes it off is when we're in restaurants and such), so he said he thinks it'll make him more at ease on the day of because it's something "normal." But he is clearly concerned with what people will think about it, which is why he asked me to ask TK.

I will ask him how he would feel about just wearing it during the reception.

If he feels most himself by wearing it, more confident, and would be happier wearing it (and you sense this would be an issue), then I say go ahead. It is kind of like brides who do OTT makeup and don't really look like themselves when they get married- you want to feel like the nicest version of yourself, whilst still feeling and looking like yourself! If he just doesn't feel like himself without it, it isn't rude per se to wear it during the ceremony. I just think it shows a little more respect to take it off.

But as I said before, I would just think wearing a hat to an outdoor wedding works more with super casual weddings.

AddieCake · March 2014

I agree people will wonder about it. I love that he told you to ask us for advice. Hahaha!

Maggie0829 · March 2014

It definitely isn't rude but I would think it was out of place. He could wear it for some pictures and also the reception but I liken wearing a fedora during the ceremony as a groom wearing sunglasses at their nighttime, indoor ceremony. Out of place and just odd.

KatWAG · March 2014

I agree that it would be out of place. Can he wear it once the reception gets underway but after the first dances?

RedJacks25 · March 2014

Thanks everyone!

I will let him know that it will probably seem out of place to people, and that it would be best to hold off until the reception if he wants to wear it.

And the best thing? I know he will listen to this advice because he wanted me to ask in the first place.

CMGragain · March 2014

Unless you are Jewish or female (or both!),one should not wear a hat during a wedding ceremony. It is disrespectful. Older relatives will know this.

MollyandD · March 2014

Unless you are Jewish or female (or both!),one should not wear a hat during a wedding ceremony. It is disrespectful. Older relatives will know this.

I was looking at an old photo of my grandparents' wedding. I asked my grandma why she had a hat on, and she said that a woman would never be in a church with her head uncovered, while men should leave their heads uncovered in church.

Dignity100 · March 2014

I agree with the others - no fedora for the ceremony (unless he's Indiana Jones/Harrison Ford, then it's totally OK). After the ceremony is fine.

Mitch617 · March 2014

RedJacks25 said:

He almost always wears a fedora in his everyday life (really the only time he takes it off is when we're in restaurants and such), so he said he thinks it'll make him more at ease on the day of because it's something "normal." But he is clearly concerned with what people will think about it, which is why he asked me to ask TK.

I will ask him how he would feel about just wearing it during the reception.

But a lot of guys almost always wear a baseball hat and feel more comfortable that way, but no way is that appropriate for a wedding ceremony. Fedoras look more dressy but still I would not want him to wear it, especially because it is so dated.

CMGragain · March 2014

Mitch617 said:

RedJacks25 said:

He almost always wears a fedora in his everyday life (really the only time he takes it off is when we're in restaurants and such), so he said he thinks it'll make him more at ease on the day of because it's something "normal." But he is clearly concerned with what people will think about it, which is why he asked me to ask TK.

I will ask him how he would feel about just wearing it during the reception.

But a lot of guys almost always wear a baseball hat and feel more comfortable that way, but no way is that appropriate for a wedding ceremony. Fedoras look more dressy but still I would not want him to wear it, especially because it is so dated.

Americans are really side-eyed in Europe for wearing those baseball caps indoors. In some cathedrals in Italy, there is a nun stationed at the door, just to remind Americans to take off their damned caps! It may be comfortable, but it is still rude.

Lavender123 · March 2014

Since 99% of them are not actually pulling it off - I vote no man in a fedora.... ever.

ETA: I literally just came across this... http://www.buzzfeed.com/justinabarca/things-men-over-30-should-never-wear

Junebaby96 · March 2014

I think he might rock it, if it looks good it's not rude or bad manners, as long as both of you like it and can look at your pictures in fifty years and love it. Go for it.

Groom in a fedora?

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