Just a vent ---
My dad passed suddenly in Nov. My step-mom (his third wife, my mom was first) and he were together since around '99 and she always said I was a part of the family just like her girls are. Lots of time talking about trouble w/ the 2nd wife and how bad it was for me and 3rd wife really stressed having me, and FI, as a part of the family. She'd even talked to my mom about how much she appreciated the way i was raised (vs. wife 2's kids). I'd never be the same as her girls, she's very close to them and she raised them, but I felt that I was valued. I know holiday presents were meticulously equal too.
We've only communicated a handful of times since the passing, but usually it was more through my dad anyway. I checked in with her on XMas, NY, and his bday in Feb, plus a fe random times to see how she was doing and we had a decent chat(well, text exchange). I was generally the one to reach out, though she did "like" some FB posts etc over the past few months.
And then I got her RSVP, marked no.
I feel like I at least deserve a note. It is in her town so local. I get that it might be emotional, actually I recommended she bring her sister as an added support (at least one of her daughters is already a yes so she wouldn't have ever been alone). Just makes a lot of old words feel so false. Again, I know it is hard...and i can't presume to know everything she feels, but doesn't she think it's pretty darn hard for me too.
a freakin' note and i'd be able to let it go.....