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Not sure who to ask to be MOH

FiancBFiancB member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
C has been a really close friend of mine and some time ago I would've thought she would've been the obvious person to have be MOH, but since I moved away 3 years ago we have drifted quite a bit. We are still definitely on good terms, and hang out a lot when I visit, but we don't talk all that much anymore. We do still have a lot in common. I also have some worries about whether she'll be able to attend- I offered to buy her plane ticket but she still may decline and probably won't be able to be here any longer than the day of, so I don't thinks she'd make it to a rehearsal dinner or anything like that.

T has gotten to be a closer friend, really, and has taken the most interest in the wedding stuff. I really love T. We don't quite have that soulmate-like connection and stuff in common like I do with T, but we are definitely very good friends and the last couple years we've stayed in contact better. C has just been busy and is quite a bit younger and we're just at different points in our lives while T and I will both be newlyweds, new grads, planning on having kids soon etc so there's been a bit of a shift.

There's also the option of having my oldest sister, though I think she'll be pretty busy wrangling her 5 kids at the wedding and has no strong desire to be in the WP.

Ultimately, I am leaning toward T but don't want to hurt any feelings. I realize it's no grand honor to be my MOH or BM, and I am not expecting any parties especially since everyone's out of state. I think C would understand my not asking her but I'm not sure. I don't think sister cares really but if I did have her that would make it so that I am choosing a family member as opposed to choosing between friends. 

Sooo. Any thoughts? 
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Re: Not sure who to ask to be MOH

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    How about just not having a MOH and keeping everyone a BM?

    I feel like when you are really questioning who to have as your MOH then you just shouldn't pick anyone.

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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I"m with Maggie. All my ladies in my wp party are awesome - so no need to designate a MOH. If it's up in the air - then just don't. 
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    That's kind of what I'm thinking, but then I feel like maybe T would be a little put out if she ends up helping out the most. Especially since FI definitely has a his best man that would definitely be his body hiding buddy.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ditto Maggie. I didn't have a MOH, and I am always telling people they don't need one. Don't pick someone b/c she is helping out the most. You're not a newb! You know better than that!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    FiancB said:
    That's kind of what I'm thinking, but then I feel like maybe T would be a little put out if she ends up helping out the most. Especially since FI definitely has a his best man that would definitely be his body hiding buddy.
    She will get over it.  And it is also her choice to help out.  Just because she does, doesn't mean that she should get a gold star or in this case the title of MOH.

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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    AddieL73 said:
    Ditto Maggie. I didn't have a MOH, and I am always telling people they don't need one. Don't pick someone b/c she is helping out the most. You're not a newb! You know better than that!
    Haha yeah I was pretty hesitant to post this because I don't want to come across as being all like "who's the slaviest of the brideslaves?" I'm just wanting to avoid hurt feelings.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Hahaha @ "slaviest of the brideslaves." If you think feelings will be an issue, I definitely vote no MOH.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • singinchick13singinchick13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I ended up going with 2 MOH's (5 BM's total). One of them I have been best friends with for 20 years and regardless of times over the years we may have been out of touch periodically, whenever we came back together we have always been the same and been able to understand one another on that lifetime, family type level. My other best friend I've been friends with since high school, we have been roommates, I met FI through her, and we talk and hang out much more often than my other friend and I do these days. They are both happy to be MOH and do not consider "work" as any kind of a responsibility as such. I wasn't really worried about hurt feelings, I mostly just felt like I would have been upset not having either one of these girls as MOH so I chose both!! That could be an option for you as well.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    AddieL73 said:

    Which of them would you call at 3 a.m. to help you hide a body? That's your MOH.

    I actually had to rank mine by who I would call FIRST to hide a body. It was tough, they are pretty amazing. :)


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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I have 2 MOH's and 1 BM (actually jr. BM, she's 6 years old, but I prefer not to use that term).  My MOH's are my sister and sister-in-law (who is also my best friend from high school).  I had trouble deciding between them and we all live in different states, so I really don't expect any pre-wedding stuff from either. My sister clearly wanted to be my MOH.  My SIL told me that she wouldn't be hurt if she wasn't MOH, especially knowing it was important to my sister. 

    I love the whole "who would help you hide a dead body" line, because that really is a good way to figure it out.  Right now, who is the closest, most trusted person in your life? That should be your MOH. Honestly, if I had to hide a body at 3am, I could see all 3 of us there dragging it out together, so choosing both was a logical choice for me.

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