Father vs Step Father down the isle.

amykost · March 2014

I am having a hard time with who is walking me down the isle. Before I got engaged my father hadn't talked to me in years because his wife is jealous that he has a child. All of a sudden he was persistently wanting to be apart of my life. As nice as it is to have him back around, I have gotten much closer with my step father in the last few years and don't feel comfortable taking walking me down the isle away from him. My step father is happy to do it with my dad, but my dad pretty much said no. How do I handle this?

OliveOilsMom · March 2014

amykost said:

I am having a hard time with who is walking me down the isle. Before I got engaged my father hadn't talked to me in years because his wife is jealous that he has a child. All of a sudden he was persistently wanting to be apart of my life. As nice as it is to have him back around, I have gotten much closer with my step father in the last few years and don't feel comfortable taking walking me down the isle away from him. My step father is happy to do it with my dad, but my dad pretty much said no. How do I handle this?

You need to pick the person you want to walk you down the aisle. If you want both, then tell you dad that this is the deal and if he doesn't want to walk with SD, then that will be his lost. But overall, from your post, it sounds like just your SD should walk you.

cruffino · March 2014

An alternative is to have one walk you half way, then have the other meet you in the middle and walk you the rest of the way.

Since your bio dad is being problematic, that signals to me that you should go with your original intent and have your stepdad walk with you. Your bio dad doesn't get to just show up in your life and make demands. These are the consequences of estranging his child.

phira · March 2014

Other people's feelings aside, just taking into account your own preferences and feelings, who do YOU want to walk you down the aisle?

jerkyanne · March 2014

If your dad won't share, or walk you half way, I feel like he's not really wanting to be in the ceremony for the right reasons anyhow. My opinion is to tell him to either put his big girl panties on or not walk you at all.

phira · March 2014

jerkyanne said:

If your dad won't share, or walk you half way, I feel like he's not really wanting to be in the ceremony for the right reasons anyhow. My opinion is to tell him to either put his big girl panties on or not walk you at all.

That was my take, too. Instead of, "I want to be a part of your life because you're my child and I love you," you're getting, "I want to be a part of your life, but here are my terms."

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

It's not your father's decision. It's yours. If you want your step-father to walk you down the aisle, then ask him.

Actions have consequences. Your fathers actions were to ignore you at the behest of his shrew of a wife. The consequence is he doesn't get to do the 'fun' daddy-daughter things like walking you down the aisle.

chibiyui · March 2014

I think you should tell your Dad to shove it. If he wants to be back in your life, he needs to take responsibility for being a giant dickwad for the past however long douchiness has taken precedence over being your father. And taking responsibility means understanding that if you don't talk to your daughter for a few years, you don't get to walk her down the aisle when she gets married.

hikebikebemerry · March 2014

chibiyui said:

I think you should tell your Dad to shove it. If he wants to be back in your life, he needs to take responsibility for being a giant dickwad for the past however long douchiness has taken precedence over being your father. And taking responsibility means understanding that if you don't talk to your daughter for a few years, you don't get to walk her down the aisle when she gets married.

Bonus points for using the word "dickwad"

ETA: I was estranged from my father from age 8-22, and we still rarely speak. A sentimental part of me wants him to walk me down the isle, but the reality is- his parenting is not deserving of that. In my case, I was debating between having both my Mom and Dad walk me down the aisle, but I know who the real support has been, and I wouldn't be honoring my own feelings by having him be a part of walking me down the aisle.

.. Also edited because I forget how to spell things.

huskypuppy14 · March 2014

Why not have your Mom walk you Op? It sounds like you want your stepfather to walk you but you feel obligated to have bio dad too. Do what feels right to YOU. I agree with other posters I that your bio dad doesn't deserve to have this honor.

lc07 · March 2014

I wish I were on a beautiful isle right now.

Sorry for the snarkiness. Having a fucked up day.

ETA: Sorry, not sorry.

Jen4948 · March 2014

Tell your dad that it's up to you who walks you down the aisle and he doesn't get to be your dad only when he wants it. He jerked you around when you were younger and he's still doing it.

themuffinman16 · March 2014

OP, I really feel for you. I am in the same situation. I had to follow my heart. It did create problems, but what it didn't create was regret. Like another poster has sad, your dad wants to be your dad on his terms. If he loves you, he will understand where he has fallen short as a father, and he has to accept that someone did his job and willingly, I might add. If your relationship is going to heal with your father, it can't happen just so he can walk you down the aisle. It takes time to heal the hurt. If he can't accept that, then you know you were right in asking your step-father to walk you down the aisle. I hope this problem works out and that your father will be a grown up about it. Best wishes.

Father vs Step Father down the isle.

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