is it ok to skip the father/daughter dance

Re: is it ok to skip the father/daughter dance

• sofakingmad member

  

  March 2014

  You could do a mother daughter dance instead.

  

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• antoto member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  Let your fiance dance with his mom.  It's not cool to take that away from them.  If there is anyone in your life you ARE very close to then dance with them (friend, brother, cousin, uncle, grandfather), or just skip it.  No one is going to be all "oh em gee she totes didn't have a father daughter dance!"  Your guests know you and wont be surprised if you skip it.

  
  

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• antoto member

  

  March 2014

  DragonBlood13 said:

  You could do a mother daughter dance instead.

  I was about to suggest that - but then I started thinking about dancing with my mother in front of everyone and it suddenly seemed a little strange.  But maybe some people would be comfortable with that.

  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2014

  I would let your FI and his mother dance, but not do a father daughter dance. 

  I am not a fan of the spotlight dances. We only dance for 90 seconds of the chosen song and did both the mother/son & father/daughter dance at the same time. People only watch the first min at most and no one would think ill of you for opting not to dance with someone.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• MandyMost member

  

  March 2014

  We're thinking of doing a "family dance" instead of a mother/son and father/daughter dance. My father died when I was 17, and I don't feel right having someone else fill-in. I'd also feel....empty....just having the mother/son dance and not doing anything myself. So we're planning one dance, where the mother/son dance together, but the rest of our "immediate" families dance as well. Like, his father will dance with his sister, I'll dance with a family friend or my brother, etc. and they'll be about 6 couples paired up and dancing at once. Everyone of those 6 couples will know ahead of time the plan and who their partner is, and the DJ will announce  "And now the bride and groom have invited some of their friends and family for a special dance" or something like that. If other guests don't quite understand the announcement and get up to dance as well, then that's fine with me. 

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• 2leadsingers member

  

  March 2014

  Speaking from the perspective of being a dj, if you tell your dj to skip or include any of those dances, it should be a no problem thing. I have seen lots of weddings that included or didnt include those things, as well as garter tosses and such. 

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• AroundTheBlock member

  

  March 2014

  SStorma said:

  My parents have been divorced since I was 5, I do not have any contact with my father.  Growing up my mom has had a"friend" which played a father figure role for me.  He is walking me down the aisle, but I think doing the father daughter dance would be awkard as we're not that close.  I have considered just not doing the whole father daughter part, but I don't want to bring attention to the fact that there is a mother son dance and we skipped the father daughter, as it's a sensitive subject for me and I've been dreading this part for as long as I can remember.  I have also considered just skipping both songs, but I know my fiances mother will have a fit, even though I feel she should respect my feelings on this.  I need some help/advice!  I can't be the first person to come across this.  Any ideas which way I should go, or any other suggetions would be appreciated!

   

  Thanks,

  Sharon

  Most properly, a formal dance is "opened" by the hosts' taking to the dance floor to dance a few measures alone, after which the guests may fill the floor and begin dancing at their pleasure. At a wedding of course, that purpose is served by the First Dance, which is not only the first dance of the evening but also the bride's and groom's first dance together as a married couple. It is not really proper to have several dances "spotlighting" different people while the rest of the guests wait patienty by the side of the dancefloor. Of course your groom should dance with his mother: but there is no need for that to be a special spotlighted dance. In fact, it can be a very tender moment that is all the more precious because it is kept private. For that matter, it is proper for your groom to dance with all the honoured ladies at your party: your bridesmaids and any groomswomen, with any grandmothers, with your mother, and so on. And it is proper for you to dance with all the honoured gentlemen, which may or may not include your natural father. But none of these dances need involve any prior arrangements with anyone, nor any DJ's announcements nor any clearing of the dance floor. Just have the dance, and let it be between the two people to whom it means the most.

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• Inkdancer member

  

  March 2014

  I am dancing with my mother, because she is the one who raised me. People who know your situation will not think it's strange, and will find it sweet that you're dancing with her.
  

  

  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  March 2014

  I have to agree, don't take away your FI's dance with his mother.  That would be unfair to him.  You can dance with whoever else you want, or not at all.  That is your choice

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• phira member

  

  March 2014

  I'm estranged from my father and have elected to not do any kind of special dance besides my first dance with my partner. While I am totally cool with people who do a brother-sister dance, or an uncle-niece dance, or a mother-daughter dance, it's just not for me. My estrangement is definitely a sore point with my siblings, and I've been working hard to focus on spotlighting who we're inviting and not bringing attention to who we're NOT inviting. In my opinion, doing a dance with someone else instead of a father-daughter dance is implying that someone else has had a fatherly role in my life, whereas that's not the case.

  
  

  My partner is doing a mother-son dance, and he and his mom are really excited about it. Just like there have been plenty of weddings with a father-daughter dance, and no mother-son dance, it's okay to have a mother-son dance without a father-daughter dance. 

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• delujm0 member

  

  March 2014

  I was just at a wedding where the bride is estranged from her father, and he was not invited to attend.  She walked down the aisle alone and skipped the father-daughter dance.  Her husband did dance with his mother.  No one thought it was weird.  You should be fine!

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  You're fine to skip it. I doubt anyone will question it.
  
  You could also have your mother walk you down the aisle, which would be an indication to guests that your father is Not In The Picture.
  
  As a guest, I would notice that someone walked you down the aisle but then you didn't dance with him. But maybe that's just me.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  If your mom wants to dance with him, of course she can, but you do not have to partner him in a "father-daughter" dance.  Sometimes spotlight dances of one type or another just are not compatible with actual situations.  You can skip them when that's the case (or even if you just don't feel like doing them even when they are).  Spotlight dances are not required.
  

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• MrsAitch member

  

  March 2014

  AroundTheBlock said:

  SStorma said:

  My parents have been divorced since I was 5, I do not have any contact with my father.  Growing up my mom has had a"friend" which played a father figure role for me.  He is walking me down the aisle, but I think doing the father daughter dance would be awkard as we're not that close.  I have considered just not doing the whole father daughter part, but I don't want to bring attention to the fact that there is a mother son dance and we skipped the father daughter, as it's a sensitive subject for me and I've been dreading this part for as long as I can remember.  I have also considered just skipping both songs, but I know my fiances mother will have a fit, even though I feel she should respect my feelings on this.  I need some help/advice!  I can't be the first person to come across this.  Any ideas which way I should go, or any other suggetions would be appreciated!

   

  Thanks,

  Sharon

  Most properly, a formal dance is "opened" by the hosts' taking to the dance floor to dance a few measures alone, after which the guests may fill the floor and begin dancing at their pleasure. At a wedding of course, that purpose is served by the First Dance, which is not only the first dance of the evening but also the bride's and groom's first dance together as a married couple. It is not really proper to have several dances "spotlighting" different people while the rest of the guests wait patienty by the side of the dancefloor. Of course your groom should dance with his mother: but there is no need for that to be a special spotlighted dance. In fact, it can be a very tender moment that is all the more precious because it is kept private. For that matter, it is proper for your groom to dance with all the honoured ladies at your party: your bridesmaids and any groomswomen, with any grandmothers, with your mother, and so on. And it is proper for you to dance with all the honoured gentlemen, which may or may not include your natural father. But none of these dances need involve any prior arrangements with anyone, nor any DJ's announcements nor any clearing of the dance floor. Just have the dance, and let it be between the two people to whom it means the most.

  I agree so much. I don't like millions of spotlight dances, most of which seem to serve no other purpose than getting guests to cry. Just dance with the people that matter to you at some point in the night and they will be happy--you don't need to do it with everyone watching.
  

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• Fran1985 member

  

  March 2014

  I don't think its weird at all to have a mother daughter dance. I mean the dances aren't romantic, there is really no reason they have to be opposite gender.

  
  
  

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