Snarky Brides
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I'll give $100 to the person IRL who

asks me something about our wedding and then just says, "oh that sounds nice".  But you know what, it's never gonna happen.  People just can't seem to help themselves.  Sample from a recent conversation that I tried to avoid even having:

 Friend of a friend:  "What are you doing for _______ ?" (flowers, venue, insert anything)

 Me:   In a confident tone that conveys I'm happy with our choices, "Blah blah blah blah blah :-D"

 Friend of a friend:  With somewhat of a frown on her face, "well what about _______?  (insert the exact opposite of my answer, from 1980 and/or tacky;  honeyfund anyone??)

Repeat 10 times depsite as many attempts to bean dip.  I finally just said something to the effect that we're no longer in the planning stage, happy with our choices and really excited for the wedding.  Then managed to finally steer the conversation elsewhere.   But what I would have liked to say to her is that you have outdated and tacky taste.  Why would I incorporate any of your shitty ideas into the tasteful, lovely wedding we're planning?  Just becaues YOU don't get it, doesn't mean everyone else is wrong.  Now please STFU and pass the wine.

And while I'm at it...  we weren't going to have a WP or bridal shower and have just reversed course on both recently.  So newly appointed MOH is nicely hosting a bridal shower for me.  I posted before about the nightmare it was to set up a registry, etc.  We have different styles, so I brought her up to speed on what the invitation will look like, colors we're using etc. because my understanding is that the bridal shower invite can echo the style of the other invites. Well the whole point was lost on her, evidenced by the samples she sent me.  They were pretty lame invites, and not at all indicative of the style of our wedding, my taste / style or even the freakin' theme of the shower.  So she asks me for links to ones I like and then proceeds to send me more samples that, again, are really off base, including two for a couple's shower, which we're not having. Um, hello?.  I tried to make light of it, asking what was wrong with the ones I sent and she said I'm just trying to be creative.  Um, ok.... then don't ask for my input and then proceed to ignore it and make opposite choices.  I find that very very annoying.  In the end, it's a peice of paper that will be tossed and doen't matter that much.  And I'm grateful that she's hosting the shower.  I am.  I just wish she didn't have to make simple tasks more complicated than necessary.

Thank God for this board and being able to get this stuff off my chest.

 

 

 

Re: I'll give $100 to the person IRL who

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    I have avoided talking about anything but the food with people. Everyone likes a Mac'N'Cheese station.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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    I so hear you. One of my BMs (I have 3, two close friends and my daughter, and my brother is my Whatever-We-Decide-To-Call-Him-In-Lieu-Of-MOH) had a LOT of opinions literally three minutes after I asked her to be in the wedding, and she was the one I thought would be super hands-off. I appreciate her enthusiasm, and I know it's just because she loves me and wants to help, but certain things, oy...

    She mentioned a wedding she'd been to with her BF where "they just had cupcakes from Stop and Shop, it was so weird" instead of cake. We are already 98% sure we're doing a grocery store cake and a dessert spread from our caterer. It made me feel really defensive about my choices, which I was 100% happy with previously. Then again, I had the same reaction when FI scoffed at my bouquet mock-up for faux hydrangeas - turns out he hates hydrangeas and was very skeptical about using fakes. I had no idea he had such strong feelings about flowers. I also don't think he has any idea how expensive the real thing is. (I made the mockup for about $20 and would like to add about 50% more flowers, so it's pretty inexpensive.)


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Ok now I'm hungry  lol

    Yeah, I've been fairly successful at avoiding these topics.  The dinner from the above example was with MOH, who kept bringing it up too.  Add in the 2 glasses of wine I'd had = bad situation and lesson learned.  I think I'm going to have to ask MOH to keep the wedding talk to a minimum at these GNO.  I don't know the other ladies that well, so it feels rude to talk about it in front of them anyway since they're not invited.

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    edited March 2014

    That sucks, feeling defensive about our choices is awful and unnecessary.  I certainly keep my mouth shut and smile when I have a reaction to someone's choices for their day.  Why is it so much to ask for the same in return? 

    Maybe we should swap b/c we've had a thing about our cake with FI's family too, but from the other side.  His family cannot imagine why anyone would pay for a "professional" cake when you can get one at the store. Nothing wrong with either choice, imo, it's a matter of personal choice.  But I made the mistake of leaving a wedding magazine laying around during a family vacation and someone saw that some cake was going for $9 a slice.  Outrageous but not uncommon for NYC.  So FMIL was like ZOMG you're not paying that kind of money for cake, are you????   We said that it was actually less since we're using a baker by our OOS venue and changed the subject.  But it's been mentioned several times since then. Sigh.  We've happily eaten whatever's been served to us at their home, their events, etc even if it wasn't to our liking.  It's called being polite, lol.   We're actually about to spend the weekend with FI's family so wish me luck in gracefully sidestepping these issues.  I might have to sneak off and post if I get the vapors lol

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    I hated that part of wedding planning. People would ask questions, I thought just to be nice or curious, and then they'd argue with me or question it or try to change my mind. I never understood it.

    You wouldn't do that to a person who's hosting a dinner party, would you -- tell them they should change the date/time, or the flowers, or the menu or whatever. So why is it OK for people to weigh in on weddings??
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    I've actually had the exact opposite problem. I can't get anyone to give me an opinion on anything for the wedding even when I specifically ask (except for FI). I ask opinions or what they would want and all I get is "it's your day you should do whatever you want". I know I can do what I want, but I'm looking for some advice! 
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    hisgirlfriday13   Exactly!  Next time the snarky side of me might have to come out and say, yeah no, remember 10 seconds ago when I said we're doing _____?  

    And my least favorite is when people criticize something that is a positive... Really? You're going to give me a hard time for going out of our way to take care of our guests who will be traveling out of state to attend? Really? We're not going into debt to do any of it, and even if we were, mind yer beeswax.

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    @offthemarket915 -- I'll be honest, on more than one occasion, I did say, 'Well, then I guess it's a good thing for us we don't care what you think and didn't ask for your opinion, now isn't it?'

    Was it rude? Yes. But I was frustrated, and it took being that ballsy to people to get them to STFU about stuff.

    (And by 'people' I mean 'DH's obnoxious aunt and grandmother,' who criticised EVERY decision I made until I stopped telling them anything, and then they complained to DH that they were being kept in the dark and that wasn't fair. DH, to his credit said, 'Well, if you wanted to be involved, you could have been nicer to HisGirl, but you weren't, and so you lose.')
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    edited March 2014
    hisgirlfriday13,  lol I feel for you and have seen your other posts.  Grandma & auntie sounds like gems. You deserve a medal for coping with it.  And kudos to FI for being direct and linking their actions with the outcome.
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    I have to admit that has been a difficult thing for me to do with not being married too long ago when I have friends/co-workers who get engaged. I've learned to just say "that sounds great. If you need names for any vendors or places, I was very happy with all my vendors and I would be happy to share their information with you."

    It wasn't an easy thing to do to learn. I did share tricks I learned on how to save money (thank you online craft store apps & their coupons). But again, it was hard to just stop at that. When my one friend tells me things or shows me thing, my answer, that's awesome, you're wedding is going to be amazing even if I don't agree. Just because something isn't my taste doesn't mean that it isn't a good idea and that it won't be amazing. When she told me everything she wanted to do, I was like sounds great while in my head going, she has no idea how expensive this is going to be, but it wasn't my place to go, omg, you're going to spend a fortune or your wedding is going to cost as much as your house. Did I want to say it, yes, but I bit my tongue, and I wish more people would do that on a lot of things, not just weddings,

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