Recruiting Ushers

Re: Recruiting Ushers

• bethsmiles member

  

  March 2014

  I think you are way over-thinking it. If you want to ask someone to be an usher (which you don't need at all if you don't want) just say "Hey would you like to be an usher at our wedding?"
  
  From your post it doesn't really sound like you want an usher at your wedding though. Why not just skip the headache and forgo it?
  

  
  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  March 2014

  We simply asked our ushers if they would like to be ushers. Most weddings probably don't need them. We didn't. The only reason we asked anyone is because our original venue WOULD have needed ushers b/c guests had to walk down a windy, rocky path, and we thought the ushers would be useful both to help anyone who needed a hand AND to kind of direct people where they were supposed to go. Then we changed venues and we kept an usher (the other we lost in an ugly family squabble and no longer speak to him, but that's another story) simply b/c we didn't think it was right to have asked him and then to say, "Oh, never mind. Now we don't need you." He basically stood there and did nothing but smile at everyone. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  Ushering IS an honour, because you're saying to someone, 'I want you to act as a special person and greet my honoured guests and help them find a seat.'
  
  They are almost, but not quite, hosts.
  
  Ushers typically escort all people to their seats. At our wedding, our ushers (my brother, DH's brother, and one of DH's GM) escorted our VIPs (family) to their assigned pews (upfront) so that they knew they were able to sit in the 'reserved' pews.
  
  You can have your ushers do whatever you want in terms of seating. You can just have your best guy friend wear a tux if he wants to and give him a boutonniere and let him stand around looking important all day if you want to.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report0 Reply
• wrigleyville member

  

  March 2014

  Our venue uses the WC as an usher of sorts, so our usher assisted with seating when she was overwhelmed and then escorted my mother up the aisle during the processional. He wore the same outfit as the GMs, and he and his spouse sat with the WP during dinner.

  
  

  It's a lot like asking anyone to be part of your WP. If you don't want an usher, don't have one, but if you do, try not to view it as a "job". It really is an honor to be asked. 

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2014

  I'd ask your ushers the same way as the rest of the WP: directly and respectfully, without giving them gifts or cutesy gimmicks, and taking no for an answer gracefully. 
  
  I think a good rule of thumb is to think about how you would feel to be on the receiving end of the request and had to say no.  If it would make you feel uncomfortable in those circumstances, don't put the people you are asking through it.
  

  Report0 Reply
• JoanE2012 member

  

  March 2014

  classyduck said:

  In another thread (*cringe* slightly controversial WP double standards thread) I got a little gem of advice about ushers, and that was, that requesting someone's service as an usher is an honor, and not an imposition.

  
  

  Well, I saw the explanation for this, but I'm still not sold. I can't shake the feeling that I'm imposing by asking someone to usher for me. What is the really correct way to go about this?

  
  

  I know people often use the WP for this. But My FH and I have a very small WP--it's actually HIS WP, because I don't have one. I don't want to burden them. On the other hand, I had a friend of mine offer to be in my wedding party (and he laughingly added later he just wanted to wear a tux) and I think he would be perfect as an usher. (btw, yes, I'm a bride, he and I are progressive heheh).

  
  

  Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I really want to be as close to perfect as possible when asking someone to serve as my usher.

  
  

  Now. Another question. Who is supposed to be ushered? I've been to weddings where EVERYONE is ushered, and I've seen here, recommendations that VIPS only need be ushered. How do you determine this? How do you inform your ushers on who the VIPS are if they won't recognize them? Isn't this technically... "tiered", and insulting to those who are not ushered?

  
  

  Please, great wisdom of TK, educate me, in all things USHER.

  We didn't have anyone ushered.  the guests just walked from the lobby into the ceremony room.  It would've almost seemed silly.  We figured adults would be able to seat themselves.

  Report0 Reply
• crunchymamaof2 member

  

  March 2014

  I'm in the ushers aren't needed camp. If you do t need thm don't have them. No reason your friend can't wear a tux anyway

  After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  Report0 Reply
• cruffino member

  

  March 2014

  I asked my 2 first cousins (guys) to be ushers. They came to the rehearsal, got boutennieres, and helped seat guests. They weren't necessary, but I wanted to include them in a special way.
  
  We asked our 3 female first cousins to do readings. We wanted to include our first cousins in the ceremony so this is how we went about it and it worked for everyone.

  Report1 Reply
• Cookie Pusher member

  

  March 2014

  We asked the two oldest non-adult children in our family to be ushers. We have 2 very elderly great-aunts who will be attending our wedding. As the ceremony is on grass and is about 150 yards from the reception space, we wanted to make sure that these aunts (who are both widowed) would have someone to assist them in walking from one place to the other. The children had specifically asked us if there was anything we wanted them to do at the wedding, and being ushers seemed like the best option. They're too old to be flower girl/ring bearer, and we didn't want to give them fake jobs. This way, their parents don't feel obligated to dress them to match the WP (our siblings), attend any rehearsal or pre-wedding events, but the kids still get to be part of the wedding. We honestly would have gone without ushers if they hadn't volunteered to be part of the wedding.

  ~*~*~*~*~

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2014

  Most people would take it as an honor to be asked to usher at a wedding. They're free to decline, if they don't want to do it. Although ushers aren't necessary, most weddings that I've attended have had ushers. Invite your ushers to rehearsal and RD, if you're having them and give them a thank you gift, just like the other members of your fi's wedding party.

  
  

  Your ushers will seat any guests who are wearing corsages or bouts and any guests who wait at the end of the aisle for assistance. Some guests will seat themselves. No one will feel insulted. 

                     

  Report1 Reply
• ktjanesmom member

  

  March 2014

  So ushers are separate people from the groomsmen?   Is it ok to have groomsmen usher?
  

  Report0 Reply
• classyduck member

  

  March 2014

  Thanks for the great advice so far, every one. I don't really think usher's are necessary, true, but my friend seemed so eager to take part in the wedding somehow that I think this might be a really nice way to include him.

  
  

  
  

  MairePoppy said:

  
  

  Your ushers will seat any guests who are wearing corsages or bouts and any guests who wait at the end of the aisle for assistance. Some guests will seat themselves. No one will feel insulted. 

  This was helpful, thank you. But, it did bring up another question... am I supposed to get corsages for VIPs??? Sorry for the ignorance.

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  classyduck said:

  Thanks for the great advice so far, every one. I don't really think usher's are necessary, true, but my friend seemed so eager to take part in the wedding somehow that I think this might be a really nice way to include him.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  MairePoppy said:

  
  

  Your ushers will seat any guests who are wearing corsages or bouts and any guests who wait at the end of the aisle for assistance. Some guests will seat themselves. No one will feel insulted. 

  
  

  This was helpful, thank you. But, it did bring up another question... am I supposed to get corsages for VIPs??? Sorry for the ignorance.
  
  You don't have to. Most people do because it's a way to mark them out as honoured guests. We have corsages/boutonnieres to our two readers, one cantor, my mother, DH's grandmother, my father, my brother, the GM and the RBs -- essentially anyone with a role in the Mass or who was an honoured guest.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  March 2014

  ktjanesmom said:

  So ushers are separate people from the groomsmen?   Is it ok to have groomsmen usher?
  

  Groomsmen can also serve as ushers. That is actually the norm in my circle. 

  
  

  @classyduck It's optional. Corsages and bouts are usually given to the parents and grandparents. Sometimes the couple has other special people they want to honor. 

                     

  Report0 Reply
• Inkdancer member

  

  March 2014

  If my cousin gets his act together (long story) he will be ushering at our wedding. For us, this is because my FI's "side" is gigantic and mine is tiny. We will be asking guests not to sit on any specific side, so cousin will be escorting people to where there are empty seats rather than to one side or the other. Hopefully this will help people get the hint.
  

  

  

  Report0 Reply