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Shower gift question

sarahuflsarahufl member
Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi ladies, happy Monday!

My mom's friends are throwing me a shower in my hometown in a couple weeks. Over the years, this same group of women have had showers for their daughters and all of us kind of live all over the place. The custom in their little group is to mail the gift but then have something fun to unwrap that is often silly, but a representation of the gift. The bride then has to guess what it is. For example, my mom bought a pizza stone for one of the girls and gave her a box from a frozen pizza and a small bag of rocks. It is kind of silly and strange, but I would prefer NOT to have to cart all the gifts home since I am flying.

My mom wants to write a little poem or something for the invite to indicate this but is stumped how to word it.

Thoughts?
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Re: Shower gift question

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So you want to have a gift-free shower?  Is that what you are saying?  And instead of gifts you will just be opening "gag" gifts that represent the gift that was mailed to your house?

    I think you should just turn down the shower.  The point of a shower is to shower the bride to be with gifts.  

    Also, most guests will realize that you are travelling and will buy accordingly.  Dealing with getting gifts back home is just something that you accept when you have a shower that is not in your home town.

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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I'm honestly confused about the group's tradition, as I don't really understand/can't quite picture in my head what you've written. Is it that the women will get a gift and mail it to your home, but have something else for you to unwrap on the spot? Are you expected to take all of those things home and you don't want to?

    Also, cute little poems are generally frowned upon as they're typically used to communicate something rude. It sounds like you want to find a way to ask people to mail things to your house so you don't have to fly them back home with you. I think you're gonna have to skip the poem or any kind of instruction, accept any gifts that are given to you, and find a way to have them shipped home to you yourself.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hm.... While ordinarily I'm a big fan of "decline the shower or deal with it", this is a group of your mom's friends with their own little tradition.

    You didn't specify- is this in your mom's community too? 

    I only see one option: leave any gifts received with your mom if you can't fit stuff in your suitcase(s).  Poems suck and I'd bet my bottom dollar this group wouldn't listen to anything as it's their tradition.  They're already shipping the proper gifts, which is great.  I would bet that even if you tried to have a tea, not a shower, they'd still bring gag gifts.  

    Ultimately I think it's up to your mom to say, "You know ladies, as fun as this is for us, I'm realizing that transporting gag gifts home is kind of a pain. What do you think about quitting this tradition for our non-local daughters? Let's just have tea and petit-fours!" 
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    If it's only that group that will be invited, they'll know what to do/your mom can just talk to them, if it's being extended beyond those who hold this tradition, skip it and prepare to bring home gifts. It's cute if THEY want to do it, but it is rude for YOU to ask that they do it.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It is honestly not as odd as it sounds, I have been to some of the showers and they all have a lot of fun and get really creative with it. Declining is absolutely not an option for me, these women have known me my entire life and would not take no for an answer.

    Since it will just be their small group involved, there is nobody from "outside" that would take offense at the tradition and I think they would do it this way regardless of what I asked for.

    Thanks for the input!
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