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FI's mom insisting siblings be best men

chraronchraron member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Party

FI's mom is instisting that his 2 brothers are be our co-best men, but both  FI and I agree that the honor should really be given to his best friend, since they are much closer than my FI and his brothers. 

Because of this, I am wondering if we can forgo the title of "best man" and "maid/matron of honor" and just have the entire party be either a groom's man or a bride's maid .   (toying with naming convention of "best men" and "best maids" instead).  is this do-able?  Have you seen this before?

 

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Re: FI's mom insisting siblings be best men

  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    chraron said:

    FI's mom is instisting that his 2 brothers are be our co-best men, but both  FI and I agree that the honor should really be given to his best friend, since they are much closer than my FI and his brothers. 

    Because of this, I am wondering if we can forgo the title of "best man" and "maid/matron of honor" and just have the entire party be either a groom's man or a bride's maid .   (toying with naming convention of "best men" and "best maids" instead).  is this do-able?  Have you seen this before?

     

    Lots of people do this.  You can just say "wedding party" and not give anyone specific titles.   I'd honestly have your FI talk to his mother about insisting anything.  He is old enough to get married, he is old enough to determine who is is closest too and who he wants to have as a best man, if anyone.

    image

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    chraron said:

    FI's mom is instisting that his 2 brothers are be our co-best men, but both  FI and I agree that the honor should really be given to his best friend, since they are much closer than my FI and his brothers. 

    Because of this, I am wondering if we can forgo the title of "best man" and "maid/matron of honor" and just have the entire party be either a groom's man or a bride's maid .   (toying with naming convention of "best men" and "best maids" instead).  is this do-able?  Have you seen this before?

     

    Your WP are your business.  FI needs to tell his mom to back off and let him pick his own wedding party.  If FI doesn't want his brothers to be Best Men, that is ok!  If your FI doesn't want them to be in the WP at all either, that's ok too!  Your FI should stand up for to his mom saying "Mom, I have decided on my WP and the topic is not up for discussion any further."

    If your FI wants to avoid the conversation with his mom, then just call everyone bridesmaids and groomsmen.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OliveOilsMom said:
    chraron said:

    FI's mom is instisting that his 2 brothers are be our co-best men, but both  FI and I agree that the honor should really be given to his best friend, since they are much closer than my FI and his brothers. 

    Because of this, I am wondering if we can forgo the title of "best man" and "maid/matron of honor" and just have the entire party be either a groom's man or a bride's maid .   (toying with naming convention of "best men" and "best maids" instead).  is this do-able?  Have you seen this before?

     

    Your WP are your business.  FI needs to tell his mom to back off and let him pick his own wedding party.  If FI doesn't want his brothers to be Best Men, that is ok!  If your FI doesn't want them to be in the WP at all either, that's ok too!  Your FI should stand up for to his mom saying "Mom, I have decided on my WP and the topic is not up for discussion any further."

    If your FI wants to avoid the conversation with his mom, then just call everyone bridesmaids and groomsmen.
    This.  Your FI chooses who is in his side of the wedding party and what 'honour' they have, and you get to choose who is on your side and their 'honour'.  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, how is she insisting? That's nobody's call but your fiance's.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    His mother needs to butt out and let him decide for himself who is going to stand up for him-just as you get to decide for yourself who is going to stand up for you.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is not your FMIL's call. This is your FI's call and his alone.

    However, I would caution that you manage the expectations his mother and brothers might have now, before the wedding.

    A friend of mine was in his brother's wedding -- he wasn't the best man, but he was in the wedding. But his mother believed, and he believed, that because he was the brother of the groom, he got to make a speech at the reception.

    He spent weeks very carefully preparing a heart-felt speech about his brother and the brother's new wife. He read it to me a few times to work on his delivery, he asked for my opinion, etc.

    I asked him, at one point, 'Has the bride or groom actually told you you're giving a speech? Have you been asked, or have you asked them?' He said, 'No, but I'm the groom's brother, of course I give a speech.'

    Guess what.

    At the wedding, he was NOT invited to give a speech. When he got up to go to the microphone to give his speech, after the best man's toast, the DJ said, 'OK, folks, that's all the speeches, it's time to eat!'

    So there's my friend, standing there with a piece of paper in his hands, CLEARLY intending to give a speech, and being cut off at the knees.

    Now, it was his fault, too, for not asking and checking with the bride and groom, but his mother (much like your FMIL) kept telling both her sons, 'Oh, the brother always gives a speech, it's what they do!' and the groom never corrected that misconception.

    There were a lot of hurt feelings about that, and the bride ending up really angering a lot of her new ILs. (And again, everyone involved is at fault, but the bride bore the brunt of it).
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She can insist all she wants but in the end it is your FIs call on who is his best man.  Your FI needs to tell his Mom to butt out and let him make this decision since it is his choice not hers.

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  • chraronchraron member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    thanks everyone for the suggestions.
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