We had a big argument

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

So to make a long story short me and FI just had a huge argument. He has really high expectations as to what I should be doing since I stay home with my 3 kid's. He works and thinks that since he works that's all he needs to do. He can't even take out the trash he has my 2 older kids who are 7 and 9 do it. On top of that we only have 1 car and he hates leaving me the car while he's at work, the nearest store is 20-25 min away walking so If we need something I need to take me and my kids walking. And if I don't do something he always feels the need to complain or throw things in my face. This would be my 2nd marriage and I promised myself the next time I marry would be my last and right now I feel like if I go through with it that I'm going to get fed up eventually.

greeneyezkat · March 2014

have you guys talked about what the two of you expect from one another? If not that is a first or must in my eyes. I hope you guys work it out

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

Yea we have, a few times. Not sure what else to do. I hope so too. Thanks

Knottie1450123632 · March 2014

Im sorry you are going through this. I would say maybe couple's counseling or going to speak with church elder (if you go to church).

missmo14 · March 2014

I agree with PP Valerie you two need to start communicating about feelings and expectations. Ive never been a SAHM but I know its not just "sitting at home". Its HARD WORK! I think some pre marriage counselling would be helpful so you both enter the marriage on the same page IYKWIM.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

we had a long talk last night. Hoping it helps. I do feel better I just hope he sticks to what we talked about. All I really want for him is to show appreciation for what I do. Lately it seems like he thinks that it's my 'job' and doesn't appreciate non of it, and the way I see it, if someone doesn't feel appreciated then they aren't going to want to do things for the other person. But He said he see's where i'm coming from, and apoligized for him acting the way he has. I would be all for counseling but he works during the week and isn't home until about 8'oclock. For now I'm going to keep on planning for our wedding. I just hope and pray this works out cause I really do want this to work out for us. Thanks for the replies

Knottie1450123632 · March 2014

welcome and that is what we are here for. Good stuff, vent stuff and bounce ideas off each other

ssteele04 · March 2014

before actually joining on here.. i lurked for a while, and in the past i have seen your posts about you and fighting, from a strangers point of view, you guys do need help....this is a huge thing to be going in to a wedding about, it's not going to get any better just b/c ya'll get married. If you are having these problems, feelings right now and fights like this...the little piece of paper won't solve it.
I am a SAHM, i have three children all different age groups, my man knows how hard it is in my shoes as he had been a single dad for 10 years, no way in hell would i put up with that, and no way would my man think he could talk to me like that, we made that real clear from the beginning. For me i would be praying real hard before entering a life long commitment.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

I know a piece of paper won't solve it. Thanks for your input from a strangers point of view. I posted here not to be lectured but for support.

ssteele04 · March 2014

sorry you didn't like the response that you were looking for, for me i'm a bit blunt when it comes to things, you guys seem to have problems, i know not every relationship is perfect ...we are all basically strangers on here LOL! i don't think many people on this forum have met in real life. What would you say to a person if you read your post? For me I'm not walking in to marriage hoping it's going to work out ...that just sends out red flags to me. If you are going to post your personal problems, you are going to get all types of responses! and honestly I think it's bullshit what your man said to you and extremely disrespectful.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

well I honestly have never had issues with anyone on TK. I find the girls here to be very supportive not judgmental. That is why I come here because of how great everyone is. Lucky for me I won't be here much longer. I might not know everyone here but just because we have not met in real life doesn't give someone the OK to be so judgmental. I dont know maybe that is just me. To answer your question what I would say if I read my post? Well I would be supportive instead of being negative. But that is just the kind of person I am. I mean you have posted things that I don't exactly agree with but I have never commented putting you down.Everyone is different. Like I said, thanks for your input.

ssteele04 · March 2014

how is it putting you down? seriously? it's real solid advice, i don't sugar coat things, maybe people in your life do, honestly I feel bad for you guys, I really am seeing red flags when you posted this and this isn't the first post you have made along these lines and that makes me feel very sad for you. It's not judgmental at all...if you felt anything on my post was judgmental that's on you. This is me giving you actual support by saying ...look at the big picture...if if he thinks that way about you that is extremely sad.

ssteele04 · March 2014

"right now I feel like if I go through with it that I'm going to get fed up eventually" -red flag.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

Omg this girl doesn't quit lol get over my life and worry about yours k thanks.

ssteele04 · March 2014

then don't post your personal problems...if you don't want to hear the truth. Is this the example you want to set for your kids? Do you want to keep being treated this way? If you do...that's great! but don't whine and bitch about how he does this or he does that if you stay with a guy like that...seriously. i have been in POS relationships exactly like this with my daughter and finally after 6 years had enough ...same mental bullshit

ssteele04 · March 2014

honestly ...you deserve the best ...and not to be treated this way...no man in his right mind should ever think he is higher than a Woman. Period. I wish you luck in your marriage and hopefully you won't eventually get fed up.

missmo14 · March 2014

@ssteele04 - you have made a point. Please. Just. Stop. I appreciate you are trying to be blunt, honest and help.... but its clearly not "helping" @Valerie.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

And I have went back to view all of my posts. She said she has lurked for a while and has seen my posts about me and FI "fighting" well for starters, I have made ONE other post from last summer with us having an issue but that was due to us living with family and we were both under stress. I just don't understand how she can come at need like if she knows my life so well just because she's read my previous posts. I get she wanted to state her opinion but maybe I made it sound worse then it is. He does not mentally abuse me. She is so quick to judge but did I judge her cheesy 2 dollar in suite reception with Albertsons food? Never, cause I do not know her well enough, maybe she can't afford better, or maybe she just doesn't want to go that route. point is I never have been so negative here. I think she could of gotten her point across without being so 'blunt'. and the fact that she kept on going on and on was really unnecessary. Thanks Mo, I'll be blocking her to avoid anymore of her lurking my posts.

ssteele04 · March 2014

Valerie~ I've only seen one post and it wasnt about the stress, it was within the year, i went thru a bunch of pages to get all the info i could about vegas wedding's and came across your post that your man doesn't like to do anything and never wanted to go out, and i think he is younger than you? could be wrong on that, and you and vegasgroom were going back and forth a few times. I fully agreed with him, it made me really sad for you b/c at the time you were unsure if you were wanting to get married and when you make the same comments it makes me sad for a person that i don't know lol. Yes it is true that we are doing Albertson's, honestly this is us my man has the one income in the family works his ass off for the state and doesn't get paid shit, i make my food budget under $150 a month for a family of five. I beat it every single month, i have saved now for 8 months for Vegas. Yes people think it's tacky for us to do the party platter's for us it works, if we could afford $5000 for a wedding we would have it locally to us.

LaurenGarciaKrueger · March 2014

My goodness! What is up with the harshness @valeriecruz82! Everyone doesn't want to spend tons of money on food for one day. Although you may not like what @ssteele04, maybe she wouldn't have said anything... had you not been posting your personal business. That is to bad you were fighting, but perhaps you should talk to your real-life girlfriends about it. What do they think?

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

I'm done talking about it. From now on I'm keeping my personal life off of here. The girls that I am close to on here I am friends with on Facebook or have they're email and if I need to talk about anything non wedding related I know I can speak to them about it off of TK.

Valeriecruz82 · March 2014

And because my real life friends and family know me and my FI way far more better then anyone here they did not say nothing even close to what Ssteele04 said. And forgive me for being harsh but if she can dish it out but can't take it then she should know when to stop. I'm sorry but if someone is being rude to me I'm not going to stay quiet like a idiot. I asked her to stop and she didn't once back down. Like Mo said on the other post, this group is not one to judge others but we are here for support and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM not rudeness. And me bringing up her food choices was only to show how when she brought it up initially nobody judged her so why is it ok for her to be so rude to others. I treat others how I expect to be treated.

We had a big argument

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