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Wedding Etiquette Forum
lemonade323
member
Who to invite to the bridal shower?
Though I told my mother that a bridal shower was not expected or necessary, she has been gracious enough to throw me one and stated that it something she has always wanted to do. In drafting a guest list, I was going off of the premise of inviting those women who I was close to, rather than just all 50 women who are invited to the wedding. From my past experiences, when I receive an invite to a shower/wedding, even if I'm not super close with the person, I always feel obligated to give a gift - and I do not want to bestow that feeling onto anyone.
I had given my mother a rough estimate of people when she was deciding where to have it, etc., of around 40 people, though with some being out of state, only 30 or so would probably come. In casually discussing the guest list with my future mother-in-law, she was shocked that I didn't have certain individuals on the list (i.e., her close friend whom I've never met, but is invited because it's a family friend of my fiance, and a couple family members, like a cousin's wife and girlfriend, whom I have met once and twice respectively). She is saying that all the women should be invited - even my fiance's female friends who I know somewhat, but I'm not close to), and my step-mother backed this up saying all the women should be invited too. My mom is tight on finances so I don't want to put extra financial burden on her, though, even with inviting *all* of the women, probably the same number of people would still show up.
What should I do? Just invite all the women? Invite only certain ones? I just don't want to offend anyone or look like I'm using people for their gifts. Any advice would be appreciated please.
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Re: Who to invite to the bridal shower?
As for your FMIL, if she is not paying or hosting, it's not up to her.
And I disagree that it's a "know your crowd" thing. Sometimes those hosting just can't accommodate every single person who claims that they'll be "insulted" and have "hurt feelings" if they're not invited. Since those persons making such claims aren't hosting or paying, they need to grow up and get over it.
Question: does everyone live close to each other in this scenario? You could always have your mother throw a much smaller shower (just your side of the family and your friends) and then let someone in your FI's family take the reins if they want to do their own shower, so that they can invite whoever they want to be there.
This didn't work for me because while all of our family members (and 80% of the guest list) lives within 2 hours of each other in the northeast, we live a plane ride away. So when shower questions started we requested that our mothers talk to each other and just do one because I didn't want to have to travel on two separate occassions so close to the wedding. Because there will only be one shower, the mothers made a guest list together (my sister and one of my BMs are technically the hosts, but the moms are bankrolling it).
The irony of it is this..I would have actually invited her but when I asked my husband what he thought of her being invited he said "oh, she hates going to those things..she always complains when she has to go to them" (as he knew her WAY better than I did) so I honestly thought I was "saving" her in the first place
Q: Who's invited to the bridal shower -- every female invited to the wedding, or just the ones the bride knows well?
A: Unless you're having an intimate wedding, you needn't invite every female wedding guest. Bridal shower guests generally include the bride's closest female friends and relatives, and sometimes those of the groom -- especially if his mother is hosting or helping to plan the party. All shower guests should be invited to the wedding, but that doesn't mean everyone who's invited to the wedding has to attend the bridal shower.
FMIL is not talking about a SHOWER. She is talking about the ENGAGEMENT PARTIES, which are FAMILY events. The bride's family hosts an engagement party to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and the groom's family hosts an engagement party to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family - those are events where you invite some distant cousin's wife and girlfriend and other relatives.