Plus ones

Re: Plus ones

• emmaaa mod

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  We're giving everyone a "plus one." I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted to do so. Our reasoning: the maority of guests are married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. There is only a handful of guests that are single and we didn't want to "single" them out by them being the only ones without dates. I would, however, find it annoying for people to assume they get a "plus one" when it was clear they did not.

  ETA: Missing letters and punctuation?

  
  

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  March 2014

  I woud be annoyed too.  Honestly I think single people like bringing dates to weddings so they aren' alone. I know it makes no sense when thye will be with other friends but maybe its the fact that are there to celebrate someones marriage.  I know my one friend tends to go to weddings alone, and when he starts drinking he'll get all depressed that his friend is married but he doesn't even have a girlfriend.

  The only time I make exceptions for plus ones if the person has to travel.  Which since our wedding is a DW for most (3.5 - 4 hours) we just gave everyone a date.  In that case I tink you should give even singles a travel companion.  Either way its all good ettiquette wise, Good luck!

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• melbenso member

  

  March 2014

  I understand completely.  One of my friends, who is truly single, keeps insisting that she gets to bring a date to our wedding, despite the fact that she will know and is good friends with a good 20 or so of the other people we are inviting. I explained to her that we did not have the budget to invite plus ones for every truly single person and therefore would not be extending plus ones, but that if she was seeing someone when we got married, of course that person would be invited.  Several months ago, she even invited her friend - who is married - to be her date.  (Our invitations still won't go out for a while.)  Fortunately, the person she invited just got married last year and totally understands our situation.  She approached me separately, told me of the invite, and said she did not plan on coming and I should not invite her with my friend.
  
  Since talking to her about it didn't work.  I've just been ignoring her.  Her invitation will list only her name (unless she is really seeing someone) and if she RSVPs with a date, I will have to call and tell her that only she is invited. 
  

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  March 2014

  I don't know, but I don't get it, either.

  
  

  We had about 15 'truly single' guests. One of them RSVP'd with a guest and DH (it was his co-worker) just said, 'I'm sorry, but the invitation was for you only.'

  
  

  DH's BM wrote in a guest, which was fine (after I made DH track down the person's NAME for the escort card -- that was a battle. DH: Why do you need to know? Me: To write the card. DH: Why? Me: Because I'm not writing 'BM's date' on an escort card, presumably this woman has a name, and I would like to use it. DH: BM won't care. Me: WELL I DO), because he was BM.

  
  

  Had we had the budget to, we would have extended plus-ones to our truly single guests, but we didn't have the budget, and it would have involved extra tables and centrepieces and cards and etc., and it would have meant breaking up sets of people (a lot of our single guests were DH's friends from high school, who all knew each other and had a lot of fun hanging out at the same table). 

  
  

  I don't get why people treat weddings differently than other formal, fancy events -- you wouldn't call up and ask to bring an extra person to a dinner party, would you? (Now that I type that out, I'm sure people do do that, actually).

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• sofakingmad member

  

  March 2014

  For me, it all depends on how many people I know at the wedding.

  
  

  If I really only know the B&G, then I'd want to come along with a guest to travel with and share a hotel room with, etc. 

  
  

  If I know a bunch of people, even if they are all couples, then I don't really want to deal with having to babysit a guest all night.

  
  

  Now that I'm officially single, I will have to deal with this.  And in the first scenario I mentioned, if I was to not get invited with a guest, I would decline the invite.  

  
  

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2014

  We gave all single guests a plus one.  It wasn't even a question.  

  
  

  Even if I know everyone at the event I still fell more comfortable if I was able to go with someone of my choosing (if I were single).

  
  

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• JellyBean52513 member

  

  March 2014

  I think the reason is that people see weddings as a romantic celebration, and who wants to witness that alone? Also, not everyone is truly comfortable alone in a social setting. Seating at the reception is one thing, but what about the other times? If the single guests don't find seats with their friends at the ceremony, they sit by themselves the whole time. If their table-mates are getting up and mingling, dancing, etc. during the reception but they aren't, they're sitting by themselves. Not everybody is comfortable walking up to others and initiating conversation. I know when I was growing up, my grandma impressed upon me the fact that it is rude to invite yourself to things, including others' conversations. This STUCK with me forever. I always hesitated to even go up to a group of friends I'd see hanging out in the cafeteria at lunch because I didn't want to interrupt and come across as rude.

  
  

  It's not against etiquette to invite truly single people alone, but sometimes I figure that the logic we apply to couples (we shouldn't split them up because we shouldn't dictate who they spend their evening with if they already have someone they'd prefer to be with) could be applied to single guests, too. Inviting someone to a wedding is asking them to spend several hours of their day, and it's certainly a considerate gesture to allow them to do so with the company they prefer.

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  We aren't giving truly single guests a +1 because we don't have the physical space at the venue for it.
  
  ETA:  Everyone will know multiple people at the reception anyways.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• sofakingmad member

  

  March 2014

  I don't care about it being a romantic celebration.  I think of it more in regards to making the guests comfortable.

  
  

  If you invite someone who doesn't know anyone (besides the B&G) to this celebration, then they aren't going to be comfortable.

  
  

  
  

  

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• wiki8 member

  

  March 2014

  I agree if they only know the B&G that it is nice to invite them with a guest. There was one person who only knew us so I invited him with a guest, however the people who keep asking know multiple people at the wedding, some single as well and some couples. I guess I just see it as spending the event with your friends, not spending it alone. Why would they want to bring a random guest on an awkward first date, or even bring a brother or sister?! They hang out alone with their friends any other day.

  

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  March 2014

  We aren't giving truly single guests +1. They will all know multiple people at the wedding, and so far it hasn't been an issue. It's not in our budget to extend +1s to all of our truly single guests, so it was a choice between inviting them alone or not inviting them at all.

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• Couggal12 member

  

  March 2014

  We don't have enough space for a seated dinner at our venue to give everyone a +1 unfortunately. However, I gave my cousin a +1 since she's traveling from out of town and I know it would be a nice gesture since she really only knows a few people there. Otherwise the other single guests know a whole bunch of people from our circle of friends. I wish there was a way to accommodate everyone.

  

  
  

  
  

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