Confused? Concerned? IDK...

Re: Confused? Concerned? IDK...

• Ollie08 member

  

  March 2014 edited March 2014

  Sorry? I'm not sure what else to say, I don't know any of the details, so that's all I've got.

  
  

  ETA: So I went back to try and get some back story. I still don't know what happened with the divorce etc, but I don't think that's necessary. 

  
  

  I've also been through a divorce, and then a subsequent failed engagement. My XH remarried not even 5 months after our divorce. 

  
  

  I agree with @Swazzle and @TwoDimes that it sounds like therapy may help. I know that you updated a few weeks ago that you had a phone counseling session and decided you didn't need therapy, but maybe it wouldn't hurt. 

  
  

  I also think that you should tell your friends your wishes not to be kept up on your XH's life. My XFI and I had a LOT of friends in common and it was really hard for a while to heal. I ended up having a talk with our close mutual friends and let them know that I needed them to just pretend like I don't know him for a while to heal. It worked out really well for me. They respected my wishes, and now we can talk about things we did as couples and it doesn't bother me. 

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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• blabla89 member

  

  March 2014

  I'm so sorry you're going through this - sending you lots of hugs. It sounds like you need to cut ties with him completely, and make it clear to your friends that you don't want to talk about him. You're right that talking smack won't do any good. It will just make you feel more bitter.
  
  I think the best thing you can do is just to put him behind you. I know it's easier said than done, but he sounds like a toxic person and we don't need those people in our lives. Whatever he has said or predicted about you is not true, and you don't have to be defined by it.
  
  
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• Swazzle member

  

  March 2014

  I believe in one/several of your first few threads people suggested you seek out counseling for some of the stuff you were going through/posting about. 

  
  

  Did you ever do that?

  
  
  

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• Blue & White member

  

  March 2014

  Agreed that this isn't the most fun situation in the world, but it's not healthy to get so worked up over a happy event in an ex's life.
  
  I do think you said that you didn't want/need counseling, and that's fine as your opinion.  However, I think it would be best for you to engage in some self care and build up your self esteem a bit.  Tell your friends that you're struggling and would prefer not be to updated on your ex's life.  Then carry on with your life, seeking help from friends, family, and professionals as needed.  Being hung up on your ex isn't going to make you happy, so let it go.  Don't expect your life and your ex's life to proceed at exactly the same pace now that you're not together.
  

  I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton

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• bethsmiles member

  

  March 2014

  I agree with @Blue & White about telling your friends you don't want updates on your exH's life. It's not going to do you any good to know what's happening with him, so it's really not worth knowing. And maybe go do something nice for yourself today to get your mind off of it and just let it go.
  

  
  

  
  

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• Pepperally member

  

  March 2014

  I do think from reading your other posts and then this one that you are dealing with a lot of stress from many angles in life right now. That stress is probably contributing to your reaction to this news. It's time to evaluate how you can help decrease your stress level so you can deal with these things without overreacting. Not saying you are, but you seem troubled by how you are reacting. Whether that's counseling, activities, whatever, it sounds like you need to learn some new coping skills.

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• IllusionsDepths member

  

  March 2014

  I'm just confused about why they rush things so quickly...my friend that told me thinks maybe it's a shotgun wedding.

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• Blue & White member

  

  March 2014

  @IllusionsDepths the timeline of his wedding doesn't matter.  If it's a shotgun wedding, good luck to them.  And if they just know it's the thing, good luck to them.  I really do think you want to move on from this so that you can work on nurturing yourself and your own relationship.
  

  I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton

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• IllusionsDepths member

  

  March 2014

  Thanks ladies. I'm just stressed out with everything, work especially a lot of bombs were dropped on me and my coworkers this morning and getting that message from her just sort of tipped me over the edge a bit. I'm not "upset" by him remarrying, but I am concerned. His dad died in November and he proposed to his now wife not even 3 days after he passed, his dad wasn't even buried yet. His youngest brother, who's 15 now is living with them and I talk to him a lot, he still loves me as a big sister and I'm not dropping contact with him because I care about him and his well being. I haven't spoken/messaged my ex in almost a year. He broke ties with me out of the blue. One day we were talking like best friends and the next nothing. No explanation no good bye no nothing. It robbed me of proper closure I think and it's bothered me since but it's out of my hands. @Blue & White I do need to focus on myself lol

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• buddysmom80 member

  

  March 2014

  IllusionsDepths said:

  Thanks ladies. I'm just stressed out with everything, work especially a lot of bombs were dropped on me and my coworkers this morning and getting that message from her just sort of tipped me over the edge a bit. I'm not "upset" by him remarrying, but I am concerned. His dad died in November and he proposed to his now wife not even 3 days after he passed, his dad wasn't even buried yet. His youngest brother, who's 15 now is living with them and I talk to him a lot, he still loves me as a big sister and I'm not dropping contact with him because I care about him and his well being. I haven't spoken/messaged my ex in almost a year. He broke ties with me out of the blue. One day we were talking like best friends and the next nothing. No explanation no good bye no nothing. It robbed me of proper closure I think and it's bothered me since but it's out of my hands. @Blue & White I do need to focus on myself lol

  
  

  SITB:

  
  

  Don't take this the wrong way, but don't worry about what your ex is doing. Worry about your life and your relationship and let him worry about his. He was an ex for a reason. I think therapy would be your friend.

  I think the way he broke up with you also has left some deep emotional scars for you. Therapy will help that too, the same thing happened to me, even though our relationship was halfway out the door, but the week prior my ex acted like everything was fine and then just packed his stuff one day while I was at work and left. It sucked, but I went to therapy and realized what I wanted out of life and met my FI shortly after that. 

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• IllusionsDepths member

  

  March 2014

  @buddysmom80 The really sucky thing is that I left him. One drunken night we argued and he pulled a gun on himself. I told him the next day I was done and wanted a divorce. But you're right I do need to stop and no I didn't take it the wrong way. Sorry if I sound short, work stuff is ridiculous today and I'm burnt out about everything. A coworker is late (over an hour now) and I'm stuck here until she decides to show up.
  
  I think I might have a few drinks tonight cuddle with my SO and our cats and relax. I'm off tomorrow and I'm just not going to answer my phone for work. They'll be fine for one day without me.

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