NWR: Don't ask my effing opinion if I don't really get a vote

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

This is a vent, although I welcome advice.

I teach religious ed to sixth graders. For a month, I have been planning on having them do Stations of the Cross this Sunday as part of Lent. I've been prepping them and working with them, and they've been working on questions they're going to ask the seminarian student who's teaching them.

Last night, I got an e-mail from the director of religious ed (whom I've complained about before), that said 'First-grade teacher also wanted to do Stations, so I told her she could tag along with your kids, let me know if that's not OK.'

Well, you've already told her it IS, so I look like the asshole if I say no. And actually, it is a problem, because my kids aren't doing Stations in the sense of going from station to station with the prayers as they are learning about what each one means and why we do this, as Catholics, during Lent.

So I tell her that I have problems with it, and explain why. She calls me just now to say, 'I thought about what you said, and you have to do it anyway. I already told her she could.'

WHY IN THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU ASK MY OPINION IF I DON'T ACTUALLY GET A SAY IN THIS?!?

KytchynWitche · March 2014

Ugh. That bites.

But FWIW, I think you sound like an awesome religious ed teacher.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

@urbaneca, thanks! I'm probably more unorthodox than some people would like, but I have fun with my kids and I enjoy doing it.

I'm just really, really, REALLY sick of this girl and the way she runs the programme. I mean, look, if she had assigned us Stations days, I would have been fine with sharing (we're sharing a Reconciliation day at the end of the month. It's us and the fifth-graders.)

But I really resent someone else piggy-backing on the work I've been doing and undermining my kids at the same time.

I mean, if you're teaching 15 first-graders and 8 fifth-graders, who's going to get your attention?

APDSS22 · March 2014

Could you possibly talk to the first grade teacher to see what she is expecting and inform her of what you've been planning? Maybe she'll figure out that it won't work together and do something by herself that's more appropriate to their level of study and attention-span. I don't see any reasoning with that woman from what you've said of her.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Could you possibly talk to the first grade teacher to see what she is expecting and inform her of what you've been planning? Maybe she'll figure out that it won't work together and do something by herself that's more appropriate to their level of study and attention-span. I don't see any reasoning with that woman from what you've said of her.

THIS is so true, and I needed to hear it. Thank you!

When she called just now, I said, 'In future, if you're going to make a decision and disregard my opinion, please don't ask me for my opinion at all.' She said, 'Now don't say that. You opinion matters a lot!'

Clearly. Not.

KytchynWitche · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

@urbaneca, thanks! I'm probably more unorthodox than some people would like, but I have fun with my kids and I enjoy doing it.

I'm just really, really, REALLY sick of this girl and the way she runs the programme. I mean, look, if she had assigned us Stations days, I would have been fine with sharing (we're sharing a Reconciliation day at the end of the month. It's us and the fifth-graders.)

But I really resent someone else piggy-backing on the work I've been doing and undermining my kids at the same time.

I mean, if you're teaching 15 first-graders and 8 fifth-graders, who's going to get your attention?

I think unorthodox may be what's needed. Of the 10 people who were Confirmed with me, AFAIK only one is still practicing, and I think part of it is that a lot of the instruction we get is just "This is what we do, this is how we do it." with no explanation and no real thought put into it. Questions got us in trouble, so we didn't ask questions. I rocked the boat by reading from Revelations any time I was asked to prepare a reading, because seriously, what was the point of asking us to prepare a reading of our own choice and then not allowing us to discuss or question it? They stopped asking me pretty quickly.

As for the other person piggy-backing off your work and undermining your kids' education, I totally agree with you. Don't screw things up for other people because you're too lazy to do your own work. I gather this is a voluntary thing, and no one forced her to sign up as a religious ed teacher?

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

abbyj700 · March 2014

My boss is one of my best friends outside of work - and he still does this at times. In his mind the fact that he asked for an opinion shows respect. But in my mind - I know his opinion is what he's going to go with and I find it kinda rude to ask for an opinion you aren't going to listen to (as you said). Best thing you can do is give your sound opinion, and if she won't listen - drink wine and come here. :-)

And I like the advice about working with the 1st grade teacher - is she someone you have worked with in the past? Is she someone you could see having a conversation about this with and coming up with a solution that works for everyone?

mimiphin · March 2014

I agree go to the Grade 1 teacher and let her know what you have planed "If you really want to come you are more than welcome but the lesson may go over some of your students heads and they may not get as much out of it as a normal stations of the cross."
Hopefully she gets the hint

kmmssg · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

I would have to take that one over her head and talk to her boss. That is ridiculous but not the first time I have seen something like that mentioned to someone.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

@urbaneca -- Yep. Totally voluntary.

I actually read to my kids from Revelation the other week, as part of our lesson. I make them memorise Bible verses. I encourage questions.

(I do make them ask questions that are relevant to the topic at hand; 'What are wisdom teeth?' being not at all relevant to the Books of Wisdom in the OT, and thus not an appropriate question.)

I want my kids not only to learn their faith but to understand it, to believe it and feel it and love it, to understand where it comes from and why we do what we do.

My kids can identify the Greek, Latin, and Hebrew roots of major OT and NT words, because we do etymology lessons so they know where it's coming from.

JCbride2015 · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's amazing.

And this woman sounds like a real peach.

KytchynWitche · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

Seriously?! I have done yoga for years, at various institutions, under various instructors, and I have never seen a religious aspect to it. At no point has any instructor told me to worship anyone or anything. Sounds like she's in the Anti Ninja Turtle Brigade!

If it makes you feel better, I once had a teacher threaten to kick me out of class because I had a deck of ordinary playing cards in my pocket (a bunch of us were going to play poker in the hall after class). He said they were like Tarot cards, and were evil...

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

@kmmssg -- Oh, I did. I just sent a VERY angry e-mail to the priest (whom I adore; he married me and DH) that said, 'This is the third e-mail I've sent you about problems with religious ed, and I'd really like to schedule a time to talk to you about this in person.'

This girl is a little fuzzy on some of the rules of Catholicism in general, and she's going to lecture me that I shouldn't do yoga in my living room?!

And sadly, no, I don't know the first-grade teacher at all. I mostly know the teachers around my year -- fifth, seventh, eighth -- because that's who my kids are paired with for things like Confession.

KytchynWitche · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

@urbaneca -- Yep. Totally voluntary.

I actually read to my kids from Revelation the other week, as part of our lesson. I make them memorise Bible verses. I encourage questions.

(I do make them ask questions that are relevant to the topic at hand; 'What are wisdom teeth?' being not at all relevant to the Books of Wisdom in the OT, and thus not an appropriate question.)

I want my kids not only to learn their faith but to understand it, to believe it and feel it and love it, to understand where it comes from and why we do what we do.

My kids can identify the Greek, Latin, and Hebrew roots of major OT and NT words, because we do etymology lessons so they know where it's coming from.

Have I mentioned what a totally awesome teacher you are? Seriously.

cookie0803 · March 2014

Your director sounds really obnoxious, I'm sorry she put you in this situation. As a former pre-school teacher, I've worked under an amazing director and an idiot. I can attest to the importance of a good, supportive director.

APDSS22 · March 2014

FWIW, I much prefer your style of religious ed. I had a teacher similar when I was around 6th grade age and I think she was one of the main reasons I chose to confirm and get married in the church. Hopefully the priest will listen when you have your meeting and see where the problem area is. (Giant red arrow over yoga-hating fuzzy religious ed woman.)

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

Thank you, all of your, for confirming that I'm not crazy and irrational.

If I just wanted my kids to attend Stations, I'd make them attend once during Lent (there are two options per week) with their parents and bring me a note that said they did.

I want them to understand Stations -- to know what the icons and the imagery means and why we do it and what it means. I have told my kids, 'This is your time to ask questions. This is your chance to ask why we do these 14 Stations -- why these 14 rather than different ones.

I'm just seething.

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

Du vin?

afox007 · March 2014

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

***STUCK IN THE BOX***
I'll make sure to pass this along to my grandma who is the sweetest most conservative Catholic I have ever met...who also happens to do yoga. I'm sure she will be thrilled to know that she is a bad Catholic for being coherence by heathen infomercials

MadHops21 · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

This is why I'm not friends on FB that I work with.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

MadHops21 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

This is why I'm not friends on FB that I work with.

This is wise. I'm not FB friends with real work colleagues, but I (clearly erroneously) thought that being FB friends with church friends was OK.

Mind you, I'm also FB friends with my PRIEST, who saw the yoga post and said, 'I think you have to give up coffee for yoga to be effective.'

pumpkinsandturkeys · March 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

MadHops21 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

This is why I'm not friends on FB that I work with.

This is wise. I'm not FB friends with real work colleagues, but I (clearly erroneously) thought that being FB friends with church friends was OK.

Mind you, I'm also FB friends with my PRIEST, who saw the yoga post and said, 'I think you have to give up coffee for yoga to be effective.'

But that would result in the mortal sin of you murdering someone every hour, on the hour, until someone gave you coffee.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

MadHops21 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Oh, and also, this girl told me, after seeing a FB post I made about yoga, that I shouldn't advertise that I do yoga, because it's 'a heathen activity' and 'not conducive with Catholicism' and she was 'worried about my ability to teach religious ed.'

FFS. I do yoga to stay in shape, to keep my blood pressure down, and to have a period of quiet reflection in my day. I don't do it to worship another deity.

This is why I'm not friends on FB that I work with.

This is wise. I'm not FB friends with real work colleagues, but I (clearly erroneously) thought that being FB friends with church friends was OK.

Mind you, I'm also FB friends with my PRIEST, who saw the yoga post and said, 'I think you have to give up coffee for yoga to be effective.'

But that would result in the mortal sin of you murdering someone every hour, on the hour, until someone gave you coffee.

#truth

banana468 · March 2014

I can't help but wonder if this director is just ignorant and narrow minded or if she may be a few cards shy of a full deck. Between not understanding that "tonight is my only free night" and making up things about doctrine that just aren't true, I feel like it's always going to be a chore to reason with her.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

@banana468 -- I honestly wonder that, too. And I'm concerned enough that I e-mailed our priest and was like, 'We need to have a sit-down conversation about this, because I have very grave spiritual concerns about this person.'

One of the examples I plan to bring up to him is that I have a student who's being raised quasi-Catholic (mom is a cradle Catholic, dad converted last year, but neither attends Mass with any degree of regularity), who still holds onto a lot of his African father's native religious beliefs (the dad was some kind of animist religion prior to conversion).

The kid firmly believes in magic spells and voodoo priests and tells me, in class, 'A prayer to God is just like a magic spell the shaman says.'

Uhm, no. Not even remotely.

I brought these concerns up with my DRE and she basically said, 'Well, I can't let you fail him because his aunt is one of the best catechists I have in the non-traditional programme, and she would be hurt.'

Uhm...IDGAF. This kid doesn't believe BASIC Catholic doctrine, and I'm expected to advance him to a sacramental year (Confirmation) on the grounds that his AUNT is a good Catholic?!

banana468 · March 2014

At this point I would be firm in my meeting request with the priest. "What time works for you? " vs. "Are you available? "

I hope he responds to you quickly. I'd have serious concerns over putting her in charge of. .... anything.

laceybird · March 2014

That sort of thing drives me up the wall. They ask AFTER to look as if they're getting your permission/approval/etc. and when they receive an answer different from what they expect, they cover their own butts by telling you that they weren't really "asking". More of telling.

Hoping it all works out in the end.

NWR: Don't ask my effing opinion if I don't really get a vote

Re: NWR: Don't ask my effing opinion if I don't really get a vote

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