Giving girls freedom to pick their own dress

WeinerWard · March 2014

So I would like to give my bridesmaids the freedom to find their own dress so they can find something within their price range and in something they are comfortable with. I was thinking about giving them a length and a color palette and asking to approve the dress before it is in my wedding. Is this too much?

Also I really like the idea of floral. Does anyone know where to find the best knee length dresses in floral patterns (as well as mint/marigold/white)? (I'm in the DC/Baltimore area)

Thanks for any help you could provide!

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

WeinerWard said:

So I would like to give my bridesmaids the freedom to find their own dress so they can find something within their price range and in something they are comfortable with. I was thinking about giving them a length and a color palette and asking to approve the dress before it is in my wedding. Is this too much?

Also I really like the idea of floral. Does anyone know where to find the best knee length dresses in floral patterns (as well as mint/marigold/white)? (I'm in the DC/Baltimore area)

Thanks for any help you could provide!

First bold -- This is totally fine -- in fact, it's very much recommended, because then, as you said, the girls can pick dresses that flatter their body type and are in their price range.

Second bold -- As far as 'approving' the dress -- that's a little BZ-ish. If they meet your general parameters (no strapless, something green, knee-length or longer), you don't need that much more of a say in the dress.

As far as florals, look online --ModCloth, J.Crew, Ann Taylor, etc.

But here's the thing -- figure out what you want, because 'giving them a length and palette' is very different from 'asking to approve' and 'knee-length dresses in floral patterns.'

phira · March 2014

WeinerWard said: So I would like to give my bridesmaids the freedom to find their own dress so they can find something within their price range and in something they are comfortable with. I was thinking about giving them a length and a color palette and asking to approve the dress before it is in my wedding. Is this too much?

Also I really like the idea of floral. Does anyone know where to find the best knee length dresses in floral patterns (as well as mint/marigold/white)? (I'm in the DC/Baltimore area)

Thanks for any help you could provide!
Considering that it's acceptable for you to pick one dress and ask all your girls to buy it, I don't think you're asking for too much at all. However, I think it might be REALLY tough to ask for one length and color palette and have it be floral. I'd either say, "Please pick out a dress you like that's knee-length and either mint green, yellow, or white," or, "Please pick out a dress you like that's knee-length and has a floral pattern."

And when you ask to approve, please don't be too picky. I was given the option of picking a knee-length dress in a particular David's Bridal color for my friend's wedding. I found one that I liked; it would be figure-flattering, it was a fabric I liked, and it was in my budget. She didn't approve the dress, though, because she said the fabric would be too hot for a summer wedding (okay), and that she wanted something with a more romantic feel to it. The dress I had picked was too classic or modern or something, just not the look she wanted.

I ended up picking a dress I hated. It was the only dress in that DB color in my budget that happened to also be appropriately romantic and an appropriate fabric. Like, the ONLY one that was not more than $50, which was all I could afford to spend. It looked terrible on me.

My point is that if you're willing to let people pick their outfits (which is good!), please make sure that you stick to your own guidelines. I can totally see someone picking a dress that meets the requirements and is entirely inappropriate (boobs fallin' out, for example), but keep in mind that these are your loved ones, not props, and if they find a dress in the right color that they love, it's not worth making them go back to the drawing board because the style doesn't 100% match up with your vision.

doeydo · March 2014

I agree with HisGirlFriday13 that you can't really give them free range and then approve the dresses they want. Mismatched floral dressed could end up looking odd, IMO.
Examples of mismatched floral bridesmaids dresses:

Versus mismatched dresses in the same colour palette with no print:

Another option is to have the BMs in the same exact colour, but different styles and perhaps different materials:

Inkdancer · March 2014

I had a lot of luck letting my girls decide on a dress... they all picked the same thing! That said, I think giving them a color palette and some guidelines is okay.

You also know your friends' taste--if they habitually pick things that are not appropriate for the event they are going to, you need to prepare for that. And you can do that without being rude at all--just send them an email with a few suggestions that you think would be okay, and it should get the hint across. (One of my bridesmaids, Lord love her, has no sense of how formal things are. Showing her the kind of thing that would be appropriate helped both of us feel good about what she's wearing.) If you send all floral dresses or all dresses with straps, they'll get the hint that you want something more like that.

phira · March 2014

For the record, I gave zero guidelines besides, "No long white dresses" and "No long navy dresses" for my three bridesmaids, specifically because I've been getting a lot of crap from people about wearing a navy blue dress as my wedding dress. However, everyone asked for guidelines, so I said knee-length, whatever kind of off-white.

My sister picked a silver dress, and my maid of honor picked a beige one (third bridesmaid needs to make sure she's able to come to the wedding first, may wear a black and white striped dress).

Basically, no one is going to match. Not even a little. I don't really care.

Mitch617 · March 2014

I think that saying you have to "approve" sounds a little uptight but really it does not make you a bridezilla. Most brides have some input in choosing the dresses and often pick the exact dress they want or shop with the bridesmaids. You can deinfitely be involved and make sure the dresses are cohesive and appropriate for your weddings look, just frame it as "let's show each other our ideas before we make final choices" rather than, "pick the one you want and bring it to me for approval"

jdluvr06 · March 2014

I'm letting my BMs pick their own dresses. The only thing I said was to make sure it was one of three colors. I didn't give any specifications other than that. I think that giving a color palette is good but I'd be a bit nervous about the floral prints.

huskypuppy14 · March 2014

I don't think it's a problem to want to see the dress before your bridesmaid buys it. I think "approve" is the key word that is making people think it's bridezillaish, but how is it any different than picking a dress and saying "this is the bridesmaid dress I'd like you to buy for my wedding".

SP29 · March 2014

It's a bit odd to say, "pick your own dress" but then that you must approve it. I am sure they will likely show you first anyway. Also, requiring a floral print will be trickier. Floral is very seasonal, not available everywhere (thus you are potentially causing your BM's to spend out of budget), and as said, different patterns could clash.

I would give them a general style of dress (ie. knee length vs. floor length) and a colour. You could also give them a clothing line, if it's a line that has many options (such as David's Bridal, Alfred Angelo, etc).

I told my MOH and BM- David's Bridal, cocktail length, marine. They bought their dresses separately and chose two different styles and different fabrics. I really wanted them to find a dress they liked and could potentially wear again to another event, as well as at a price point they were comfortable with. My BM chose a strapless knee length dress in cotton, while my MOH chose a dress that was calf length, had a wider strap, in satin. My BM was a bit worried that the cotton fabric wouldn't look fancy enough compared to the satin, but I assured her I didn't care and looking at some of the photos we have- both dresses look great together! I also wasn't with my MOH when she chose her dress, but she sent me a bunch of photos of the few she tried on that she liked because she wanted to make sure I "approved" of it. I told her a bajillion times I didn't care and they were all nice! :P

missmarissa14 · March 2014

I went to a beach wedding in Florida where the bride essentially told her BM's to pick any above the knee, pastel dress and make sure they were all same material. The girls all compared dresses to make sure they complimented well with each other. It turned out really cute!

STARMOON44 · March 2014

If you want mint/marigold/white floral you should find it. In fact if you need mint/marigold versus green/yellow you should pick. It's not a favor to them to send them on a complicated hunt

MollyandD · March 2014

My bridesmaids are all picking their own dresses. I requested knee-length, or close to that. Other than that request, they get to choose. I've asked to see them, not to approve, but because it's my wedding and I want to see what things will look like. The matching thing just isn't important to me when it comes to their clothing. They will have matching bouquets. That's all I care about matching.

princessleia22 · March 2014

SP29 said:

It's a bit odd to say, "pick your own dress" but then that you must approve it. I am sure they will likely show you first anyway. Also, requiring a floral print will be trickier. Floral is very seasonal, not available everywhere (thus you are potentially causing your BM's to spend out of budget), and as said, different patterns could clash.

I would give them a general style of dress (ie. knee length vs. floor length) and a colour. You could also give them a clothing line, if it's a line that has many options (such as David's Bridal, Alfred Angelo, etc).

I told my MOH and BM- David's Bridal, cocktail length, marine. They bought their dresses separately and chose two different styles and different fabrics. I really wanted them to find a dress they liked and could potentially wear again to another event, as well as at a price point they were comfortable with. My BM chose a strapless knee length dress in cotton, while my MOH chose a dress that was calf length, had a wider strap, in satin. My BM was a bit worried that the cotton fabric wouldn't look fancy enough compared to the satin, but I assured her I didn't care and looking at some of the photos we have- both dresses look great together! I also wasn't with my MOH when she chose her dress, but she sent me a bunch of photos of the few she tried on that she liked because she wanted to make sure I "approved" of it. I told her a bajillion times I didn't care and they were all nice! :P

This sounds almost exactly like me. I told my BM's to get any short, dark blue dress. I figured there was better chance they'd get something they will wear again. I told them I really didn't care about style and I don't need to approve it. But, they are both the type that think BM's should all match (even down to shoes & jewelry). So they got together and coordinated. They ended up getting same dress from David's, which works since they have similar body type. But, they also sent me photos of every dress they tried on to get my approval, which I really didn't care about. There were a lot of text messages saying, "yeah, that looks nice".

But, giving them color and length should be fine. There are slight color differences in different materials, so if that is concern you may want to specify a material too. I'd probably stay away from mixing florals though. If you get florals that are completely different, they don't necessarily go well together. And it may be tough to find florals in various styles that meet your color requirements. So I'd either just give length & color and let them choose or pick a specific floral dress. If you can find a floral that comes in different styles with same pattern, that could work too though.

And it's okay to want to see them first, but don't get too pick on approvals. If you are going to reject things that fit into the criteria you set or get picky on it, just pick a dress for them to wear or give more specific criteria. It can be a big pain to find one you think works then have bridezilla say, "yes I told you to pick whatever you wanted, but not that one". If you set criteria and say to pick what you want, you should be fine with any options. If not you need to tighten the criteria.

kee7 · March 2014

I asked my bridesmaids to choose a short dress in a specific color. I went with two of them and gave opinions on the dresses they tried on. I really couldn't care less which they chose, I just gave advice on which looked best on them. I wasn't able to go with the other two. One just showed me the dress she chose, the other sent me pictures of the dresses as she was trying them on.

It ends up that each one has a different dress.

MOH - One shoulder satin

BM1 - Sleeveless satin

BM2 - Halter neck chiffon (she had originally chosen the same as the MOH but changed it when she found out she's pregnant)

BM3 - Strapless chiffon

I'm excited to see them all together!

Either tell them they can get what they want or tell them you want to approve it. Or give them certain criteria if you aren't a fan of say, strapless, satin, ruching, etc.

kitsunegari89 · March 2014

Be careful! And definitely approve the dresses beforehand! Jcrew has lots of cocktail dresses in different styles but all made in the same colors. They use the same colors all the time, so some ladies could get their dresses from the sale section if they needed to. The colors don't change from season to season, so there could be a newer more expensive dress in dove grey and another one in a different style in the sale section in the same fabric. All my bridesmaid's dresses were from the Jcrew sale section. Good luck!

https://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bridesmaid/silkchiffon/PRDOVR~09726/09726.jsp
Clara dress in silk chiffon

And a dress from the sale section in the same color
Petite Sinclair dress in silk chiffon

https://www.jcrew.com/womens_special_sizes/petite/dresses/PRD~49389/99102447170/49389.jsp?N=21+17+10036&Nbrd=J&Nloc=en&Nrpp=48&Npge=2&Nsrt=3&isFromSale=true&isSaleItem=true&isNewSearch=true

TerriHugg · March 2014

I let my bridesmaids pick their dress because I was having a DW in the bahamas and wanted them to pick something they liked and fit their budget. My only guidelines was that it was purple and not a certain fabric.

They ended up finding gorgeous gowns for $14 at the thrift store. I thought the dresses were beautiful and fit that perfectly and the girls were happy that they didn't have to break their budget.

cruffino · March 2014

I truly didn't care what my 3 bms wore. My sister, MOH, chose the color (black). Together they chose long, chiffon dresses, each in a different style. They looked lovely.

WeinerWard · March 2014

Thanks for all of your input! When I say "approve" it is more a "can I see it?"

I only thought floral would be pretty, but it seems to be far more difficult to find so I will probably just go with the palette.

ZiggyZos · March 2014

Honestly, I told my BMs to pick a knee-length cotton/sateen dress from DB in Black. That was it; flat out said style is totally up to them. Not one of them purchased the dress without first running it by me, even though I didn't require it (nor would I have disapproved of any of them).

I think most friends close enough to be BMs would do the courtesy of sending a photo, at minimum, before purchasing. But maybe I'm wrong?

Why exactly do you want to see it before they purchase it? Because you want to approve it? Or because you're genuinely curious to see what they pick? If it's the former, why do you think they will need approval? Are they prone to picking clothing inappropriate for a particular occasion?

KickAssMOH · March 2014

Instead of saying "approve" or "can I see it first?", maybe you could have a "girls shopping day" with each of them to spend some individual time together and see what type of dress they lean towards. I'm sure they'll all seek your approval and opinion in that type of a scenario.

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

So.... I'll share my experience.

I told my bridesmaids to pick a "knee-length black dress". Shouldn't be hard, right?

Oh boy!

First, my MOH (sister) told me we really should go shopping together because otherwise the blacks will clash and I'll regret it when my pictures arrive. Then, my next bridesmaid said, "But what if it's not exactly knee length because I'm so much shorter than the others?" This BM is also trying to lose baby weight so wanted maximum amount of time to shop-- no biggie! The third bridesmaid has been like, "Well, it's a lot of pressure to get something you'll like so maybe your sister is right, we should shop... It's a lot easier for the bride to just tell everyone what dress to wear."

Did I mention they're in three different states and three totally different body types?

A couple weeks ago while drinking with BM#3, I got so irritated I literally slammed my palm against the table I said firmly, "I. DON'T. CARE! SERIOUSLY! Just buy a black dress that doesn't make you look like you're going to da' club!"

Just got a text from BM#3 tonight that says, "Oh, I just talked to your sister, and we've agreed to go dress shopping [when they're all in town] so we can agree on expectations."

EXPECTATIONS!? OMG. And this was me trying NOT to be one of the demanding bridey-brides you see on SYTTD Bridesmaids.

So, OP.... Good luck to you. Godspeed.

majesty318 · March 2014

SP29 said:

My BM chose a strapless knee length dress in cotton,

My girls are wearing this dress, too

I was originally going to pick a DB color (one of the purples) and let them choose the style. But then we saw this dress and it's just cute and so RE-WEARABLE. So they are actually all wearing the same dress in different colors (shades of purple). I am so excited to see them all together!

thisismynickname2 · March 2014

Oh, you guys? Those pictures above? That pregnant bridesmaid like TOTALLY ruined the bride's pictures amirite!?!?! (/sarcasm)

AllOnOneDay · March 2014

One wedding that was DB color, knee length and one of a few neckline options. The amount of bratty fits two maids threw was insane. Those were the two who restricted the neckline or they'd have gone all out slutty. I was MOH as I was close vs OOS, and gave up and told them to shut up, pick an approved dress or bride, local maid and I were picking everything. Given as the brats knew exactly how "modest" the three of us could be, they sucked it halfway up. Both had alterations with far too much exposure (if the gore of your plunge bra is not at all covered, that's over exposure) and FMIL and I quickly added modesty panels so the girls would be allowed at the alter.

After seeing that insanity, requesting to see dresses first really stopped bothering me. And reminded me why it's not always a good idea to have siblings standing up for you, and never good when they're BSC.

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