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I'm really bummed... (vent)

RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited March 2014 in Chit Chat
I just found out that my BIL is getting deployed and won't be here for our wedding. He was going to walk me down the aisle. :( I'm so bummed about this!
For as long as I've known that I wanted to get married, I've known I wanted him to walk me down the aisle.

I know that I don't need anyone to walk me down the aisle, but it was really important to me, especially because my dad can't. :( I feel like now I'll be walking alone and it will just be a big huge reminder to me that all the important men in my life (aside from FI, of course) are gone.

I know I'm being whiny and selfish, but I just needed to vent. :(
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Re: I'm really bummed... (vent)

  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    shrekspeare said:
    Sorry OP. I know how you feel. My brother was supposed to be at my wedding, all was good until a few weeks ago when he called me and told me they had extended his orders. It sucks balls. Maybe you could Facetime or Skype him? A few other posters suggested that to me.

    Where is he going? Has he been deployed before?
    He's been in the navy for 14 years, so he's been deployed a lot. I'm actually not sure yet where he's going this time.

    Doing a virtual thing is a good alternative. I will try to see if we can do something like that.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You aren't being whiny and selfish. That is very disappointing. I am sorry to hear he won't be there. Military is tough, I was so grateful when my brother left the Navy. He was in for about 10 years and it was very, very hard on our family.

    Thank your BIL for his service and try to find a good way to incorporate him.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're well within your rights to be disappointed. Unfortunately, the military doesn't really care much about what's going on outside of the military. FI and I are missing one groomsman already (deployment in Afghanistan), have another one who might have to pull out (red tape in trying to retire from the Air Force), and his best man (his brother) is Special Forces so you just never know when he's going to disappear in the middle of the night. Having those we love and care about missing important events in our lives is an unfortunate side effect of being part of a military family. Big hugs to you, and I hope you guys figure out a way to include him even though he'll be far away.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm so sorry to hear. You have every right to be disappointed.

    I don't really have much advice to offer, unfortunately, but I do think that exploring live feed options is a good idea. Otherwise, definitely video the ceremony for him, and maybe you could carry something of his in your bouquet?


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That really stinks. I'm sorry!
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  • cruffinocruffino member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm sorry to hear that. Have you considered walking in with your FI together? Then you won't be alone.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    RedJacks25 said:
    shrekspeare said:
    Sorry OP. I know how you feel. My brother was supposed to be at my wedding, all was good until a few weeks ago when he called me and told me they had extended his orders. It sucks balls. Maybe you could Facetime or Skype him? A few other posters suggested that to me.

    Where is he going? Has he been deployed before?
    He's been in the navy for 14 years, so he's been deployed a lot. I'm actually not sure yet where he's going this time.

    Doing a virtual thing is a good alternative. I will try to see if we can do something like that.
    Is he on a ship or a sub?  If so that will really impact the amount and type of communication he will have.  If he's on land he may have more options.  

    My husband is in the Navy.  We he was deployed on a aircraft carrier the only time we could use Skype was if the ship was in port and he had shore leave.  Otherwise it was e-mail and phone calls provided they weren't under a communications black out.  

    My father died when I was a teenager and I opted to walk down the aisle by myself.  I walked slightly off center to leave room for him next me.  
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    mysticl said:
    Is he on a ship or a sub?  If so that will really impact the amount and type of communication he will have.  If he's on land he may have more options.  

    My husband is in the Navy.  We he was deployed on a aircraft carrier the only time we could use Skype was if the ship was in port and he had shore leave.  Otherwise it was e-mail and phone calls provided they weren't under a communications black out.  

    My father died when I was a teenager and I opted to walk down the aisle by myself.  I walked slightly off center to leave room for him next me.  
    Reading this made me teary-eyed. It is a beautiful idea.


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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    pumpkinsandturkeys said:
    I'm so sorry to hear. You have every right to be disappointed.

    I don't really have much advice to offer, unfortunately, but I do think that exploring live feed options is a good idea. Otherwise, definitely video the ceremony for him, and maybe you could carry something of his in your bouquet?
    We will definitely video the ceremony. And I will now be carrying something for both my dad and my BIL.
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    cruffino said:
    I'm sorry to hear that. Have you considered walking in with your FI together? Then you won't be alone.
    This is something I hadn't considered because we both really want the traditional setting of him at the altar and me walking towards him, but now that things have changed it is something to think about. Thank you.
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    This is affecting me more than I thought it would. For years I've been okay with knowing I didn't have my dad to walk me down the aisle, because I had a great alternative in my BIL. Now that he can't, I'm lost. I feel like there's this void and it's just going to get bigger and bigger as wedding planning progresses and I get closer to the day of having to publicly display that my dad's not here. I'm so sad. :(
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  • CaliMel11CaliMel11 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Do you have any other close male relatives who can fill in? I'm so sorry this happened. I hope that you can work something out. =(
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    CaliMel11 said:
    Do you have any other close male relatives who can fill in? I'm so sorry this happened. I hope that you can work something out. =(
    I'm not even a little bit close to any of my other male relatives.

    I spoke to FI, and right now we're contemplating the idea of having him walk to meet me halfway down the aisle. That way, we still get the "big reveal" of him seeing me, but I also don't have to walk the whole thing alone.
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm so sorry! That's got to be a huge disappointment.

    What about walking down with your mom?
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