Wedding Etiquette Forum

My RSVPs are multiplying...

I have begun receiving RSVPs back from people for my upcoming wedding. However, so far I have had three returned with more guests coming than I invited! For example, I sent an invitation to "Mr. & Mrs. ____" and they RSVP'd with four people. Another one of the invitations was addressed to my friend as "Jane Doe" and she RSVP'd and is apparently bringing one of her sisters. Yes, I know all of the "extra" people invited - but my fiance and I decided NOT to invite them for a reason. (We  are trying to keep the wedding small and intimate and saw no reason to invite these people). However, either my fiance and I or both of us are close to all of these people. I would find it hard to say "Please don't bring those people".  So far, an extra four people won't be that big a deal - but I'm a little worried about this trend continuing. What should I do? 

Re: My RSVPs are multiplying...

  • For the couple and the girl bringing her sister, can you call them and tell them that the invite was only for the two/one of them, and that you won't be able to accommodate the extra people.

    Are any S/Os that you didn't know about? I think that if you didn't do your homework and left off S/Os that you should accommodate those add-ons though.

     There were no S/Os involved. It was either children or my friend's sister. I made sure to invite S/Os because I would want to be given the option of going with my S/O to such an event. :) 
    Amyzen83s-aries8990wrigleyvilleKittyKaty20
  • Yeah a big hell no to making exceptions for add-ons (assuming no SO mistake was made). 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    doeydo
  • Agree with HisGirl. Another reason to insist on it, from recent experience...

    RSVP deadline was about 2.5 weeks before our wedding. Got a call from DH's cousin, frantic because they forgot to put down a yes for their son, T. Umm, invite was to Mr. and Mrs. Cousin, not Mr. and Mrs. Cousin and T. T is also above the age cut off for kids meals, so it's full adult cost on him. DH puts cousin on mute, asks if we can add T. Despite my annoyance at their inability to follow etiquette, I said what the hell, let him come. Of course, they order the more expensive option for T.

    Fast forward to the Rehearsal Dinner. FIL and SMIL casually mention to us that T will not be attending tomorrow. Umm, what?

     Apparently about a week and a half after the badgering about letting T attend, it turns out Mr. and Mrs. Cousin realized T has some kind of sports event. Not a major one, mind you- not a state/national team sport game, not a scouting event (he's too young for college scouting anyway), nothing indicating the team will not only be beaten if he's not there, but that they will be physically and literally slaughtered. Nope. Just a sports event he'd rather participate in than come to our wedding.

    Now, I realize my wedding was not the center of the universe. I had a friend call me 3 days before frantic due to a family emergency, apologizing that he and his wife would not be able to attend. Stuff happens, but there is the difference- he called and cancelled with an apology, just in time for me to call the venue and cancel their meals.

    Mr. and Mrs. Cousin did no such thing. FIL and SMIL said they got an email/text/call about it, but did not tell us. FIL and SMIL claim they told the Cousins to call/email/text us, but they did not do so.

    So the day before my wedding, I was confronted with the fact that it was soooo important for me to invite their son (whom, the three times I've met him, he's had the manners of a squirrel), but they couldn't give me the simple courtesy of letting me know he would not be attending the moment they were aware of his sports activity. They acted at my wedding like nothing was wrong with that behavior, just smiling, oblivious, and drinking it up. These same people (sorry, Evil Chipmunk is snarking) spent the time talking about how much money they make, how large and beautiful their house is, what they just spent a bunch of cash on that they didn't need, Mrs. Cousin's new makeover (with boobs, tucks, and facelift included), before giving us a very cheap, fantastically tacky gift.

    DH just had to laugh and shake his head- apparently these two are notorious in the family for being tightfisted, hypocritical jerks. I wanted to smack him for making me invite them.

    You bet your ass I wrote a lovely, gushing thank you note.

     

    Moral of the story: Tell people NO. Send them photos of Grumpy Cat if necessary. Or, use the haiku I recently saw on E Hell

    No No No No

    No no no no no no no no no

    No No No

    I like evil chipmunk! Sorry to hear you were stuck having to invite the obnoxious Mr. Orangutang and Mrs. Mina hyena and their son the beaver and all the bs they put you through
  • I have had the same problem! Apparently people are not taught anymore that it is rude to rsvp for more than was listed on the invite. It's be one thing if people had the propriety to call and ask if there is a problem or they're unsure, but nope they just invite their own guests. Grr. Ok I'll get off my soapbox and actually answer.

    What we initially did was tell those who rsvp'd for extra guests "We're so sorry but we are super limited on space and budget. However, we are expecting a few people not to be able to come. Once we get a formal guest count, if we have room for extra people, we'll keep in mind that you had... (an issue with childcare, date, whatever). We of course can't make any guarantees, but we'll let you know if it can be accommodated. I hope this doesn't affect your decision to come, we're really looking forward to seeing you there."

    (We have since given up and decided that whoever shows up shows up but that really has more to do with a ridiculous number of no's largely from people we had in the yeah they'll definitely come category.)

    Bottom line - there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling people sorry but no you can't bring an extra guest. It's hard not to hurt people's feelings about this though. If the person who rsvp'd is super important to you, and you are worried they won't come otherwise, you have to decide what is more important to you as a couple. But keep in mind that if you make the exception for one person, and someone you told not to bring their guest hears about it, the drama could get worse.

    Best wishes for your upcoming marriage. I'm sorry you're having rsvp woes; they are totally no fun to deal with. Try not to stress about it though.
    mcgarci2
  • call them up and say no the invite was for you and your husband and wife and for the solo girl say it was just for you im sorry but we cannot accommodate any other people
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